The Problem of Santa
Recently a friend of mine made an observation about Santa Claus and the Christmas movies in which he appears, and it’s been bugging me ever since. So I thought I would share it with you, loyal readers. But first, if there are any small children reading this blog, you may want to go away and read something else. I wouldn’t want to prematurely shatter any childhood illusions.
Okay then, to the matter. In the real world, Santa does not exist. We all know this. It’s parents, or other relatives, or friends who leave the presents under the tree. On the other hand, there’s a good many classic Christmas movies in which Santa does exist: Miracle on 34th Street, The Santa Clause, or Elf.
In some of these movies, people generally seem to understand the fact that Santa is a real person. For instance, in Mrs. Santa Claus, the titular character (played by Angela Lansbury) takes the sleigh, goes off on her own, lands in New York City by accident in 1910. She secures a place in a local stable for her reindeer and sleigh, and assumes the alias of Mrs. North, mingles with the people, sings some catchy and heartwarming songs, and leads a parade in support of giving women the right to vote. She also runs afoul of the unscrupulous toymaker Augustus P. Tavish (whose motto is, “It only has to last till Christmas”), who employs child workers in bad conditions, making poor-quality toys. Naturally Angela Lansbury leads the kids in a strike that shuts down the factory. When her work is done, she returns to the stable, , prepared to fly back to the North Pole, but to her horror, the reindeer and sleigh are gone. Then Tavish emerges from the shadows. “Looking for something, Mrs. North? Or should I say…Mrs. Claus?” *gasp*. Mind you, this is a grown adult, a businessman no less. Yet apparently, when he discovers that a woman is keeping a set of reindeer and sleigh in a barn, he immediately leaps to the conclusion that she is Mrs. Santa Claus. Which implies that he believes in Santa. Go figure. Mrs. Claus (spoiler) remembers who he was as a child and gives him a teddy bear, which immediately melts his heart and turns him good. (Yay!).
So there’s that. But then there’s other movies like Miracle on 34th Street. In these movies, Santa is shown to exist. But the thing is, no one believes in him. Scott Calvin, in The Santa Clause, actually loses custody of his child because a family court judge thinks he’s crazy for claiming to be Santa. Of course, he is Santa, but no one believes in him until practically the end of the movie when he flies off in plain sight over a subdivision. Same with Miracle on 34th Street: Kris Kringle is nearly locked up in a mental institution because he claims to be Santa, but no one believes in him. This leads to a problem.
These movies are based on the premise that Santa actually exists, right? Not only does he exists, but he does the whole Santa thing: he and the elves make toys at the North Pole, and deliver those toys to kids all over the world on Christmas night. That, in the worlds of these movies, actually happens. So, given that, how come none of the parents in the movies believes in Santa? Where do they think the toys come from? How does that conversation play out?
“Dear, when did we decide to get Johnny a new Playstation for Christmas?”
“I didn’t get him a Playstation. I thought you did.”
“No, I didn’t. I got him the socks. So if you didn’t buy him that, and I didn’t buy him that…”
…
How do they answer that question? How do the millions of parents in Miracle or The Santa Clause explain toys mysteriously appearing under their trees every Christmas? Do they all get collective amnesia? Do they just collectively decide to ignore things, like people who ignore the constant vampire attacks in Sunnydale? Does Santa pull a Men in Black and wipe their memories?
And what does this do to the toy market? Assuming Santa’s real means that every Christmas, millions of new toys instantly materialize, toys for which no one paid. Human nature being what it is, not all the kids are going to like what they got, or they’re going to get bored with their presents. So a few days or weeks after Christmas, lots of these Santa toys go flooding onto the used toy market, crowding out toys made by real people who have to pay for their materials, workers’ salaries, all that. How does this not smash the toy economic sector?
Take The Santa Claus. Scott Calvin, before he becomes Santa, actually works for a toy company. It makes, as I recall, dolls, toy tanks, and other things. How do they survive the competition, when every year Santa comes along and dumps his elf-made toys on the market? Where do they think these toys come from?
And there’s still another problem. In that same movie, kids are shown leaving out milk and cookies for Santa, who promptly eats them. If the parents really believe Santa doesn’t exist, who do they think is eating the milk and cookies? Burglars? The NSA? Who? Wouldn’t you be a bit concerned that someone’s stealthily breaking into your house and drinking your milk? Now, let’s say you’re a police officer. You have kids. Your kids leave out a glass of milk and a plate of cookies for Santa. You wake up Christmas morning, and someone apparently has broken into your house, eaten the cookies and drunk the milk. Your first reaction is going to be to take that empty glass down to the station for fingerprints and a DNA test, right? When that glass goes to forensics, what do they find?
I don’t think any of the Christmas movies have really explored the ramifications of what it would mean to live in a world where Santa really exists. I kinda want to see one that does.
That’s my random thought for today. In other unrelated news, I’m starting a promotion tomorrow. From June 12th through June 19th, you will be able to get e-book copies of Catrina in Space, Nuclear Family, and The Catrina Chronicles: Year One for only 99 cents on Amazon. Tell your friends. Also, in general writing news, I recently released an e-book, The Angel and the Kaiju, which is the edited and collected form of the various blog episodes making up Constance’s Story, right? Well, there’s more where that came from. My plan is to collect and polish the Prince Evinrude stories (and maybe add some material as well), and then do those in an e-book, and do Hadley’s Story in an e-book. And then, like the Avengers, I’m going to write a tale in which Rain, Constance, Hadley, Prince Evinrude, the Third Little Pig, Jason Waterfalls, and quite possibly Catrina herself all come together. And wacky hijinks will ensue. Oh, how they will ensue. So stay tuned for that. :D
