What I’m Learning About Fatherhood and Life

Another Father’s Day is quickly approaching. That day and what it represents has certainly changed for me over the years. Sure it’s still a day to honor my own father and the way he’s shaped my life, but as a father of 3 boys it’s also a time to evaluate.

I’ve faced a lot of challenges in my life, but probably none greater than being a dad. I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt so inadequate for a mission.

Last week I was reminded of just how much I still have to learn.

I was out of town with my family visiting our friend Bob Goff. Bob doesn’t have many rules when you’re with him but one rule at “the lodge” is that the answer to any question is “Yes”. The answer to any challenge is “Yes”. He says, “Say YES to everything.”.

Well, one of our opportunities while we were with Bob was to do a high ropes course. I’m not particularly fond of heights. I didn’t want to say “Yes”. However, standing in front of the sign up sheet for the ropes course, my middle son Gage said, “Dad, I want to do it.” I quickly responded with “Gage, you don’t want to do this buddy. Trust me, you won’t like it. It’s high and unstable and not really designed for someone as young as you. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

As we walked off Gage’s head was hung low. After a dozen steps or so he finally lifted his head and I could see huge crocodile tears forming in his eyes. I grabbed him and we sat down on a bench.

I said, “What’s a matter buddy?” He just starred back at me with those big, blue, teary eyes. “You didn’t really want to do that did you?” I asked.

There was silence for about 15 seconds and then he said those words that would just pierce me. “Dad, I just wanted you to believe that I could do it.”

I think it was John Eldridge who wrote years ago that every son is basically asking one question of his dad. The question is, “Dad, do you think I’ve got what it takes?”

Gage was asking that question when he wanted to sign up for the high ropes course and he felt like I was answering it with a resounding NO. “No son, I don’t think you’ve got what it takes. I think this is too scary for you. I think this is too much for you. I don’t think you can handle this.”

But that’s not the darkest part of this story. The darkest part is that I was the one that was scared. Not Gage. I didn’t want to go up in those trees. I didn’t want to face my fears. And instead of just admitting that I projected my fear onto my son.

It got me thinking. How often do I do this? In what other areas of my kids’ life am I projecting my fear and insecurities on them?

So here’s something we all need to be thinking about these days. As a friend, parent, spouse, pastor, boss….

Both fear and courage are contagious.

How contagious? More than you ever imagined.

Convicted, I walked back to that sign up sheet, put our names on the list, and asked Gage to forgive me. An hour later we were high in the sky, walking along shaky wires, conquering our fears together.

I’ve never been more proud of my son, Gage. And from the moment he lept off the last high ropes platform and his feet landed safely on the ground he walked around with his chest puffed out as to say “I’ve got what it takes”.

And you know what?  He does.  He really does.