A Conversation On Scottish Independence
This will probably be my last word on the independence ‘hing. I’ve talked about it a lot already. Here’s a script I wrote with the intention of making a video, either to run as one long piece or to break up into small chunks that could be linked to on twitter. But there are already many great options out there, and everyone should check out Aye! Talks for my current favourite thing. The talk by Kieran Hurley is possibly the best thing I’ve heard during the whole debate, and he makes many of the points I made in this script, except he makes them better.
Anyway, here we go….
***
A talking heads interview between two figures, possibly in the style of alternating Skype of video conferencing screens.
First person, Scottish Unionist. Patronising and dismissive. Labour? Tory? Difference?
Second person, Englishman voting YES.
UNIONIST
See, this whole ‘yes’ hing? It’s all about Braveheart and Willie Wallace, tin pot nationalist stuff.
ENGLISHMAN
I’m not a nationalist. I’m English, and I’m voting yes.
UNIONIST
Aye okay. Just because the SNP have bribed middle-class people like you, with free prescriptions and all this promise of milk and tartan honey…
ENGLISHMAN
I’m not a fan of the SNP, actually. I don’t vote for them.
UNIONIST
**confused face**
ENGLISHMAN
And I’m not middle class, though I’m from the midlands, if that helps?
UNIONIST
Aye, well, there you go then; do you not think working class folks in Glasgow have more in common with people in Manchester or the Midlands than they do with the land owners in the highlands?
ENGLISHMAN
I think working class folk in Glasgow probably have more in common with workers in Spain, America or Uruguay than they do with land owners in the highlands, but we don’t all have to be in the same country to work together.
UNIONIST
So you’re really comfortable to walk away from the rest of the UK?
ENGLISHMAN
You know the island’s not actually going to go anywhere, right? We’ll still be here.
UNIONIST
Aye, but maybe with a border…
ENGLISHMAN
Why would there be a border?
UNIONIST
**confused face**
ENGLISHMAN
Seriously? Why? There’s a common travel area between the UK and Ireland, and that works fine.
UNIONIST
Well, the UK could decide-
ENGLISHMAN
Ah, here we go. The UK government could decide they want a border. Just like UK government decides it doesn’t want a currency union.
Just as it decides not to pre-negotiate any other terms. Are we seeing a pattern here?
UNIONIST
Well the UK government has to act in the interests of it’s citizens
ENGLISHMAN
Which, as far as I know, also currently includes the people of Scotland, so why all this scare-mongering?
UNIONIST
It’s not scare mongering to simply point out the risks…
ENGLISHMAN
The risks created by your side.
UNIONIST
What about the NHS?
ENGLISHMAN
It’s being run better in Scotland than it is in the rest of the UK.
UNIONIST
But there are just so many unanswered questions
ENGLISHMAN
Like what? Ask away
UNIONIST
There are just so many
ENGLISHMAN
Hit me with one, we’ll see what the answer is
UNIONIST
What about Doctor Who?
ENGLISHMAN
Is that the best you’ve got?
UNIONIST
Okay then. Here’ the biggie. Pensions. What are you going to do about pensions?
ENGLISHMAN
Yep. That ones a challenge. But it’s a challenge for everyone, whether we stay in the UK or not.
UNIONIST
See? It’s an unanswered question
ENGLISHMAN
Okay, so how are the UK going to deal with the pension crisis?
UNIONIST
Well, there’s going to be a range of options-
ENGLISHMAN
Wait, is that an unanswered question? About the union? Here’s another. Will the NHS Act be repealed?
UNIONIST
That depends which party wins the general election
ENGLISHMAN
Is The UK still going to be in the EU in five years time?
UNIONIST
Well, that’ll be decided when we have a referendum
ENGLISHMAN
There are just so many unanswered questions.
UNIONIST
***Frustrated face***
ENGLISHMAN
Here’s one you can answer. Do they have Doctor Who in America?
UNIONIST
Yes
ENGLISHMAN
Do they have it in New Zealand?
UNIONIST
…..I think so
ENGLISHMAN
Then why wouldn’t Scotland get it?
Here’s another question. I have nuclear weapons 30 mins from my doorstep. Will Westminster remove them?
UNIONIST
No
ENGLISHMAN
Will the dreaded nationalist SNP Remove them?
UNIONIST
They’ve said they will, but they’ll change their minds.
In the union you can have the best of both worlds. You’ll have the safety net of being in a larger economy, but more powers to Holyrood.
ENGLISHMAN
One. just name one extra power that’s been guaranteed with a NO vote.
UNIONIST
Well, that would depend on the General Election.
ENGLISHMAN
I’m only asking you to name ONE that’s GUARANTEED.
UNIONIST
You’d be walking away from the oldest and most successful political union in history. It’s really worked for the benefit of everyone.
ENGLISHMAN
Really? Your side keep saying this, but I don’t see any proof. One in four children in Birmingham is living in poverty.
You want to tell them the union works?
The life expectancy in the east end of Glasgow is ten years below the UK national average, you want to tell them the union works?
UNIONIST
Well, no, but-
ENGLISHMAN
The place in the UK with the highest poverty rate at the moment is London, on the doorstep of your beloved westminster.
The West Midlands is right behind them. The place where it’s falling fastest? Scotland, where a devolved government is defending the NHS and free education.
UNIONIST
Aye but you can prove anything by throwing around a few facts.
ENGLISHMAN
At the last general election, the majority of the electorate of the whole UK voted against the Tories, yet we’re being run by a Tory government, is that the way the union works?
UNIONIST
Now, that’s not fair…
ENGLISHMAN
I agree. That’s why I’m voting yes.
The union serves the needs of about nine million people out of seventy. It’s time for something new. For all of us.
UNIONIST
Look, the world is getting smaller. Our lives go beyond borders these days. We all want to be a part of that, working together.
ENGLISHMAN
….You know we’re not all moving to Mars, right? This wonderful small modern world you’re talking about? That’s all the more reason a country like Scotland doesn’t need to fear independence. We’ll still be part of that world, but the decisions will be made by people who can point to Scottish towns and cities on a map.
UNIONIST
But what about England?
ENGLISHMAN
Well, what about Wales and Northern Ireland? People keep forgetting to mention them. But okay, let’s talk about England. It has a proud old tradition of civil disobedience and progressive values. The current system has stifled that, made people forget how strong they are. Breaking up the UK will allow us all to start again. People on both sides of the border can stand up and move forward.
UNIONIST
Now you’re talking like William Wallace again.
ENGLISHMAN
That’s the second time you’ve mentioned him. Your side seem a bit obsessed with nationalism.
UNIONIST
Aye, well you’re the one defending a nationalist government.
ENGLISHMAN
Really? Westminster is draping itself in the union flag, is talking of reducing it’s ties with Europe, is talking of reducing immigration and saying things like ‘British jobs for British workers.’ Westminster is considering banning the hijab in schools, is keeping weapons of mass destruction armed and ready on our shores, and is forcing through an agenda to have only British literature taught in schools. Which side are the real nationalists?
UNIONIST
***Frustrated face***
***Dismissive face***
You just don’t get it.
(muttered)
Bloody nationalists.
