A$$holes Need Not Apply

I have a confession to make. I think alpha males are assholes.

This is a big statement from a romance writer, because the alpha male is hella popular in my world. But I stand by my beliefs, because they’re mine and no one can take them away from me. Check this out:

Alpha male:

A man tending to assume a dominant or domineering role in social or professional situations

(oxforddictionaries.com)

Domineering? I don’t know about you, but if I were still out there in the murky world of singledom, I think I’d be steering away from the domineering types. A man who thinks he has some God given right to be the most dominant person in a social or professional situation is either over compensating for some vital qualities he lacks or he was simply born an asshole with delusions of grandeur. He’s a guy who thinks he owns the world, and I have a problem with guys who think they own the friggin’ world. He’s the type of tool who ‘won’t take no for an answer’. It still shocks me that this is seen as a good character trait in a man. Because ‘no’ is indeed an answer.

One more time for the record: ‘no’ is a perfectly acceptable answer to any and all questions.

In short, the typical alpha dude is not the type of guy I would date, that I would want my friends, my sister, or my daughters dating, let alone marrying. So why would I want to read about him in my romance novels? I don’t. Of course it’s every reader’s prerogative to enjoy any book they want. It’s every writer’s prerogative to write whatever the hell they want. I will fight for free speech and freedom of expression until my dying breath, just as I will exercise my freedom to write the male characters that I like to read about. Aka, the type of guys I would actually want to spend time with if I met them in real life.

I won’t say I’ve never written heroes with annoying habits or alpha qualities. I’ve written obstinate men, men with commitment issues, abandonment issues, past relationship baggage, criminal records, cocky attitudes, too much testosterone on the brain, poor communication skills, men who don’t get women, men who sleep around and men who burp at inappropriate moments. I’ve written men who come across as assholes, but are in fact using their asshole-ness as a shield to protect themselves from harm. Flaws in a hero are fine, nay they are necessary to realism. Also, perfect people limit the scope for character growth in a book, which to me is the whole point of writing a book in the first place. So I want to write about guys who have issues. What I don’t want to write is a book that makes a man who can’t bear being in a social or professional situation unless he is the top dog the hero of said book. That’s a guy so lacking in self-confidence that he feels the need to make others subservient to him in order to pump himself up. That’s a guy with no respect for other’s rights to equal standing. That’s a douchebag.

This might just be me. In fact I think I’m pretty fucking isolated out here on my life raft, being a lover of nice guys and beta heroes in Romanceland. But as I can’t seem to write my heroes any other way, I’m done apologizing for it. I’m done wishing I could make my guys bigger assholes so I could sell more books. I’m done trying to figure out what the next big twisted alpha hero type will be and hope I can luck upon writing one so I can give up my day job, which continues to be a regrettable but necessary time suck in my life.

I’m done, I tellsya.

I’m going to work on a manifesto, I think. The Sami Lee Manifesto.

Maybe.

Sami