Excerpt - *The Space Between Time*
This is going to be a long blog post today, because I'm inserting the first chapter of my novel, *The Space Between Time*. Hopefully, it will peak your interest and you'll want to read the rest of the novel when it's published. A note about the formatting. I'm still learning how to format these blogs, so please bear with me. I hope you enjoy reading this excerpt, and leave comments.
The Space Between Time
by Lucinda Sage-Midgorden
© 2014
“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” - Rumi
Chapter 1
Jenna’s mouth opened in a silent scream. Just as the man was about to drag her away, she heard the soft rustle of petticoats. The sound stopped the man’s progress. Cringing in fear, he let go of Jenna, then melted away into the ethers. Relief swept over her. She looked, but couldn’t see the female presence clearly, except for what she was wearing; a long Civil War style dress with purple-gray folds of skirt flowing over large hoops. Sighing, she knew she was safe. The monster/man was afraid of this woman. Just as she was turning to get a better look and to thank the woman, the annoying beep, beep, beep, beep of the alarm clock brought her back to reality. That damn dream again. But this time’d been different. The woman had come. Jenna lay in bed savoring the feeling of the woman’s presence, then reached over and silenced the alarm clock.
Another day of work. The familiar bitter-sweet ambivalent feeling rushed in to replace Jenna’s warm memory of the woman saving her in her dream. Would she ever make peace with her decision to become an editor, when what she longed to do was write her own stories? Thank heaven it was Friday, two whole days to focus on writing the story that had been knocking around in her head for weeks. That’s if Sam didn’t have plans for the weekend.
She turned over to wake him because he was a heavy sleeper. She patted his pillow. He wasn’t in bed. Reaching to turn on the light, she gasped. He was sitting, completely dressed, in the chair near her side of the bed. She propped herself up on one elbow.
“What are you doing there?”
For once his handsome dark eyes were serious. “I’ve gotta talk to ya, babe. This is hard. I put in for a promotion and I got it. I’m going to L.A.”
Jenna’s head was foggy. “What?”
“I’ve been meaning to tell you, I just didn’t know how,” he said in a rush. “I’m moving to L.A. It hasn’t been working for us for a long time. You changed. It’s good we discovered this now. I’ve gotta go.”
Sitting up in bed she said, “Wait. What are you saying?”
He frowned as if he didn’t understand why she was being so obtuse. “I’m saying that neither one of us is happy, and I’m breaking our engagement and moving to L.A.”
Shock paralyzed her. Even though she’d seen this coming, it still made her stomach clench and her head spin. She stopped breathing. This can’t be happening. How can he do this without even talking it over? ”You’re breaking up with me at 5:00 a.m.? Can’t we talk about this tonight?”
The comforting feeling from her dream evaporated, replaced by growing anger and the knowledge that another relationship had failed.
“No, babe. I’m leaving today. As soon as I get my stuff packed. I start on Monday.”
“So, you’re just leaving without giving us a chance to talk this over.”
All the times she’d tried to get him to talk about their relationship flashed through her mind. He’d always managed to evade the discussions and made her feel like she’d been silly to suggest anything was wrong between them.
“You know it’ll just be the same old stuff and we’ll be right back where we were. Neither one of us has been happy for quite some time.”
Pounding her pillows into a more comfortable shape, instead of punching Sam, she had to admit that he was right. Jenna hadn’t been happy, because she felt like she was the only one in the relationship. She’d hoped that would change. “I never said I was unhappy. I said we needed to work some things out. But you never had the time to do that.”
“Come on, don’t make this my fault. You know you want things a certain way, and if you can’t have it that way, then you make me suffer.”
She swung her legs out of the bed to face him, which was easy as he was still sitting down. “I make you suffer. That’s a laugh. I want us to have a real relationship where we talk things over and make decisions together. Whenever I bring that up, you run screaming from the room and I don’t see you for days.”
Sam unfolded himself in slow sections. As he rose from the chair she was struck again at his outward beauty. Too bad it was only skin deep. Looking down at her from his great height he said, “I’m not gonna argue about it now. As far as I’m concerned we gave it a good try, but the sex got boring, and you didn’t want to support my career. I’m sorry, but, it’s over. You’re a great and beautiful girl. You’ll find some boring guy who’ll adore you. I gotta go now. I’ll come back and pack my stuff after you’ve gone. You can keep the furniture. My apartment in L.A. is furnished. But, can I have my ring back?” He put out his hand.
Seeing red with every nerve tingling, Jenna took a step toward him with fists clenched, “No, you can’t have MY ring back. You gave it to me. It’s mine now.” She pushed past him toward the door knowing keeping the expensive ring he’d given her would be the only way she could get back at him. “Besides, I’ll need to hock it so I can put a deposit on a cheaper apartment. Now get out of here!”
He picked up the suitcase she hadn’t noticed on the other side of the door. Sneering he said, “You know, I’ve never told you what a needy bitch you are. My friends wonder why I stayed with you so long.” With a self-satisfied smirk on his face, he left.
“You’re friends are shallow and vapid, just like you,” she shouted after him. Bounding down the stairs, his only answer was a loud slamming of the door that shook the front windows. Well, that’s that. Though she was filled with shame underneath the rage, she sighed with relief. Each day the stalemate had gone on, she became more anxious. The moment of truth had finally come and she was still standing.
Taking in a cleansing breath through her nose, she forced it out her mouth and went to the bathroom. The mirror above his sink, with the cabinet behind, stood open. It was empty. Looking at herself in her mirror, she wondered why he’d been attracted to her in the first place. In her opinion her eyes were too small and her eyelashes too light. If she wasn’t wearing mascara, they were invisible. She didn’t like the way the corners of her mouth turned down slightly, though she did have nice full lips. Continuing her assessment, she admitted she wasn’t his type at all. How she wished she were taller like the models that his ad agency hired, and that her honey-colored hair were either more blond or more red. Then there were the idiosyncrasies of her personality. She was an introvert to his extra-extrovert. She preferred quiet evenings at home with one or two friends sharing earnest conversations about the latest book they’d read, a movie they’d seen, a current event, or life philosophy.
Sam was in his element in the noise of a ball game, busy restaurant, or night club. He seemed to know everyone. His favorite topic always had to do with himself – his latest triumphant ad campaign, or a celebrity he’d met. Early on, it was painfully obvious, he thought of her as an ornament, something to make him look better. It was hard to admit that he’d chosen her only because she was a rising star in the local publishing scene and could talk intelligently with his potential clients.
After months of being presented like the latest shiny possession, she’d admitted to herself that he’d chosen her for her knowledge of literature, history and current events, things he knew nothing about. Oh, he understood pop culture, which served his work well, but he wasn’t interested in much else. Which made her nothing more than a commodity to him. When faced with that fact, she’d wept. The death knell to their relationship came when she’d asked him to read The DaVinci Code so they could discuss it. Laughing at her, he’d refused.
Standing there looking at herself in the mirror, she knew that had been the real end to their relationship. They had nothing in common. However, pride made her try to make their relationship work. Now, many months later, there was no escaping the fact that she’d tried to become who he wanted her to be. In the end it was no use, but she’d waffled about ending their relationship, because she didn’t want to admit she’d failed again. Why did she always go for men who were emotionally unavailable?
If only she could find someone more like her, someone who enjoyed a quiet evening at home discussing things that mattered to them. Someone who enjoyed a small group of friends at the dinner table. After so many tries, she wasn’t sure there was such a man.
Sam had dazzled her, like the others had, with his charm and beauty. She was always flattered when each Adonis was attracted to her. However, it always ended the same way. After the honeymoon period was over, they’d belittle her and scoff at the things she loved. Each time, that old self-doubt dragon would raise its head reminding her that she was unlovable, and she might as well admit it.
This time, however, a little voice deep inside assured her that there was nothing wrong with her. But, as she turned to the closet to pick out her clothes, she had to admit she didn’t believe it. The hole in her heart was still empty. Stepping into the shower, she let the hot water soothe her body. Her feelings were raw, however, and tears mingled with the shower droplets. She took off Sam’s ring leaving it on the shower shelf, thinking nothing could assuage her wounded self-esteem. Drying off, she pulled herself together long enough to put on her make-up and ride the light rail to work without breakfast. Her stomach was stuffed with self-condemnation.
In the elevator, she nearly lost her composure, but by the time the doors opened, she’d plastered a smile on her face, greeting coworkers until she could make it to her office before the threatening tears overflowed once more. Once there, she plopped down in her chair, exhausted.
The corner office that had once been her former boss Diane’s had a lovely view of the city of Portland with Mt. Hood in the distance, when it was clear enough to see it, that is. Today was a gray day in mid-April. The weather matched her mood. Before she could get settled, and her mind in gear for work, Joan stepped in the door. Her pert dark hair was cut short and framed her oval peaches and cream face. Concern shone out of her dark eyes and puckered her rose colored mouth. Jenna faintly registered how smart Joan looked in the navy blue suit she’d found on sale at Nordstrom’s when they’d gone shopping a week ago.
“Hey, are you all right? You look like your dog just died.”
“Sam walked out this morning.”
“Oh man. That rat fink. Did he say why?”
“The usual crap, ‘It hasn’t been working for a long time.’ Oh, and he got a promotion and he’s moving to L.A.”
“Well, good riddance. You knew this was coming. Now you can move on.”
“Yeah, but when it finally happens, it’s still a shock. And somehow I blame myself.”
“Sweetie, just because he wasn’t the right guy, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”
“Keep telling me that until I believe it will you?”
“I’ll take you to lunch and we can talk, okay?”
“That’d be great. Thanks. We better get to work. I don’t want to lose my job too.”
“Okay. We’ll go to Chin Yen’s and we can boil him in oil.”
Jenna laughed. Joan changed the subject. “Still haven’t heard anything about your promotion?”
“Not yet.” Just then Jenna’s phone rang. They both jumped. Jenna cleared her throat. “Jenna Holden.” She grimaced, “Yes, Mr. Dayton. I’ll be right up.”
Joan crossed her fingers. “This has got to be it,” Joan said as they left Jenna’s office.
“I hope so, I could use some good news today.”
By the time she got to the fifteenth floor, she had a premonition of doom. Mr. Drayton always reminded Jenna of a spider. Maybe it was his inordinately long spindly arms and legs, or maybe it was his beady eyes, flat nose and wide mouth that was too big for his face. Every time she was in his presence, he seemed to be weaving webs in which to catch his coworkers for devouring later. Just now, as she was about to enter his lair, she felt like she’d unknowingly been caught in his web. As the elevator doors opened, her knees were shaking uncontrollably and her stomach rolled. There was no getting out of seeing him now. She thought it best to confront her fate. Reaching out a shaking hand, she knocked on Mr. Dayton’s door. From inside came the muffled, “Come in.” She hesitated just a moment with her stomach falling like a stone then she opened the door.
“Jenna, sit down.” Mr. Dayton’s smile told her she was about to be eaten. He indicated a seat at the front of his desk. Without any preliminaries, he said, “I have news about the promotion you applied for. I’m sorry to say, we decided to choose someone else. You’ve done a fantastic job. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just that we needed someone with more experience than you have at present.” Then with a simpering smile on his face, he squirmed with pleasure. His first bite hadn’t had enough poison in it. There was more to come.
Suppressing a grin, he turned his black beady eyes on her and said, “I have more bad news,” clearing his throat he continued. “The company is restructuring and we’re laying people off. I’m afraid you’re one of them.”
Jenna couldn’t breathe. How do predators know when their prey is at their weakest? The poison spread, paralyzing her. I can’t believe it, two in one day! The room faded from view as Mr. Drayton went on relishing the effect his words had on her.
“Because of the hard work you’ve done for us, you’ll get a generous severance package. And I’ve written you a glowing recommendation. You’ve been such an asset to this company and done a great job filling in for Diane. I wish you hadn’t been one of the ones to be let go.” Then he cleared his throat and found something very interesting among his papers.
Why? If I’m such an asset to the company, why are you letting me go? She couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud. Looking at the smirk on Mr. Drayton’s face, she knew he wasn’t telling her the truth. There was more to the story. Fletcher. He’s giving that freeloader my job. The future of the company stretched out before her, and she saw it wither and die, killed from within by Drayton and his nephew Fletcher. They must know where the bodies are buried.
Drayton brought her back to the present, “Also, I’m sorry to ask you this, but, could you clean out your office and hand off any unfinished work to Joan? We feel that a clean break will be less painful for you and your team. Ah, here it is. Your recommendation.” He handed her the envelope he’d been rummaging for.
She reached for it, not sure she’d be able to grasp it with her head spinning the way it was. “Sure,” she managed to say.
He put out his hand with a forced smile on his face. This can’t be happening. She rose, her mind in a whirl. Her shock reached a new level. Is this how zombies are made? She nearly giggled. Dangerous. Once I start, I won’t be able to stop. She suppressed the nervous giggle and took his outstretched hand.
“Goodbye Jenna. I know you’ll get another position soon.” His hand was cold, clammy and sticky like a fish. She hoped she’d concealed the look of disgust on her face, but then maybe that didn’t matter. It was unlikely she’d ever have to see him again. Without a word she left.
Shock turned to rage as the elevator descended to her floor. When the doors opened, she was fuming. How can I get my revenge on them? She didn’t dare say anything to anyone out on the floor. In her office she stacked the files she’d been working on, wrote the password to her office computer on a sticky note and took everything to Joan’s office, plopping the files on her desk.
Joan looked up in confusion. “What’s all this?”
Through gritted teeth, she said, “I’ve been let go. Mr. Dayton told me to give my unfinished files to you. Here’s the password to my computer. I have to clear out my office today and leave.”
“What!” Heads rose from nearby cubicles. “That bastard,” Joan said in a whisper as she went to close her office door. “You know why he’s letting you go, don’t you? Because you found the mistake that little weasel of a nephew of his made. I bet he gave him the position instead of you. He can’t have you around reminding him he’s an asshole.”
Of course Joan was right. Jenna could see it all in a flash. She’d had the audacity to point out Fletcher’s mistakes. They’d have cost the company thousands of dollars. When she’d found the paper trail, she’d gone to Andy in accounting to be sure she was right. Andy helped her prepare the report she’d sent to Mr. Drayton. Now she knew her one big mistake was to CC his superiors with the evidence. Naively she thought they’d appreciate her efforts. Her hopes had been confirmed when she’d received a commendation and a bonus from Mr. Winston, owner of the company. The bonus she’d used to buy her wedding dress, for which she now had no use. What she hadn’t realized until today was that Mr. Dayton had something on Mr. Winston. That’s how he’d gotten the okay to have her let go. But, how had he caught Mr. Winston in his web so quickly? Mr. Drayton was one of the newest executives of the company. He’d only been hired a few months before Jenna, three years ago. Some people have a talent for finding the jugular. Now she knew that Mr. Drayton saw her as a threat to whatever it was he was planning. He couldn’t have her turn the tables on him and dig up his skeletons. She’d shown her hand when she’d blown the whistle on Fletcher. He wasn’t going to let her do that to him. The triumphant expression on his face when she’d left his office just now confirmed her suspicions. He’d successfully gotten rid of an enemy. How naive could she get. She’d thought that hard work would prove that she was an asset to the company. Oh how she’d underestimated the role of politics in the business world. Well two could play that game. He’s not going to get away with this. I’ll forward the financial evidence to myself and tell the team exactly what happened.
Coming out of her reverie, she looked Joan in the eye. “Get the team together in my office in ten minutes.”
Rubbing her hands together, Joan said, “A rebellion. I can see it in your eyes.”
“It’s the least I can do for Fletcher and Mr. Drayton.”
They left Joan’s office and she went to gather any pertinent records she’d saved on her computer to email to her personal account. What she’d do with them, she wasn’t quite sure yet. But something in her gut told her to do it. Just as she hit the send button on the last email, the team entered her office.
“Tom, will you shut the door?” They sat around the small conference table. All eyes were on Jenna. Rarely did they have unscheduled meetings, so they knew something was up. The only one not there was Fletcher.
“I’ll get right to the point. I’ve been laid off.” There was an audible gasp and questions erupted in a jumble of noise. Jenna raised her hand. The room grew quiet. “Mr. Drayton didn’t say so, but I’m sure Fletcher is to be the new head editor for the team. I guess this, because Fletcher’s not here and I’ve been asked to clear out my belongings and leave as soon as possible.”
As Jenna looked around the room, each person looked shocked and dismayed. Kenny said, “We’ll stand by you. Tell us what you want us to do.”
“Thanks. First of all, I’ve handed the projects I was working on over to Joan, as ordered. Joan, I want you and Kenny to divide up the work among the team members. I’d persuaded Eric Meyer to switch to us for his latest novel. He was supposed to sign the contract today. What do you think, do you want to go on with that project?”
Amy said, “I do. I love his work and it’d be a great feather in your cap if he signed with us pre-Fletcher.”
Joan said, “I agree. I’ll call him to let him know what’s happened, and see what he says. Since I was in on the negotiations, maybe I can get him to stipulate that I’m his editor, so we can keep him out of Fletcher’s clutches. I’ll also try to get him to give you an endorsement for future reference.”
“Thanks. I’m not sure he knows me well enough for that, but thanks.”
Joan asked, “Do you want me to tell him EXACTLY what happened to you?”
“I know I should say no, but I want revenge right now, so yes. That may make him change his mind, but let the chips fall where they may.”
“Okay,” said Joan. “Maybe, he’ll let it slip out what happened to you and others will know to steer clear of Fletcher and Drayton.”
“Maybe. We’ll have to see. Second, I may be committing professional suicide here, and putting you all in jeopardy, but I want you guys to keep a close eye on all Fletcher’s work. Joan, let Andy in accounting know what’s happened. He’ll watch the books. You’ll have to keep quiet about your surveillance. Something’s not right. I feel it in my bones. I can’t put my finger on it, but those two are up to something, so be careful. I don’t want any of you to lose your jobs because you got caught. They’re cagy. I’m afraid you’re gonna be in a war zone. Fletcher knows you guys are my team. He might make sure you get moved to different departments. I’m sorry about that if he does. Maybe if I hadn’t been so noble…,” Jenna sighed, then continued, “Follow your own consciences. Well, that’s it. I’m gonna miss all of you.”
Emily spoke for all of them when she said, “We’re gonna miss you too. You’ve been a great boss, as good as Diane was.” All the heads nodded their assent.
“Thanks guys. I’ll be thinking of you all, and how much I enjoyed working with you. Okay, better get back to work now. I’ll be sure to say goodbye before I leave.” The meeting broke up and Kenny followed Joan to her office.
Jenna then took out a flash drive and for good measure copied the files she’d sent to herself, then deleted the evidence and all other files she thought could be used against her. Then for good measure she called Dave in the IT department and asked him to be sure everything was erased permanently. He was a great guy. She liked him very much, and even more so, when he agreed to check the server and do it right away. I think all the bases are covered.
Putting the flash drive in her briefcase, she left her office for the mail room. On her way, she noticed that no one else was packing to leave. Anger welled up inside her at the injustice of her situation, and she clenched her teeth. I knew he was lying. I’m the only one. Oooh, if she could only figure out a way to get Drayton and Fletcher exposed for the connivers they were.
Down in the mail room, when she asked for boxes, Chuck asked, “What do you need them for?”
“I’ve been kicked out. The company no longer needs my services. I’ve gotta pack up my stuff today.” To her dismay tears came to her eyes.
“Those bastards,” said Chuck.
“Yeah. I don’t know how I’ll get my stuff home. I rode the train today.”
“Don’t you worry about it. I’ll bring them by your place when I’m running my errands this afternoon.”
“Thanks, Chuck.”
“My pleasure.”
She took her time packing, making sure she got everything that was hers and double checking for computer files she thought Fletcher could use against her. Just before noon, she took one last look around the room then called Chuck to have her boxes picked up. Looking at the empty office, she thought of that sinking feeling she’d had every workday morning. You could write. Snorting, she told her little voice, I have to eat you know. It could take years to make any money writing. Fear clutched her stomach. What was she going to do? She couldn’t keep the apartment she’d shared with Sam. It was too expensive. She’d have to find a cheaper one. Oh, well, she was going to do that anyway. There wasn’t much time to find a job and move. Don’t worry. It’ll all work out, whispered her little voice. Yeah, right, she answered back. “I’ll just have to do the best I can,” she said. “Goodbye,” she said to the office she’d hoped would be hers permanently.
There were many aspects of her job she enjoyed. For example, she remembered the writers who had thanked her for her work, making their books the best they could be. That made her proud, so at the moment, she wasn’t ready to admit that her little voice was right. Closing the door, she thought she heard the swish of petticoats, like in her dream this morning. Shaking her head, she looked back; she didn’t see anyone. Maybe I’m losing my mind. Yet the sound made her feel comforted. Don’t freak out here. There’s plenty of time to do it at home. But somehow, for the first time in her life she felt as if someone really was looking out for her. It had been such a strange day, she thought she was imagining the sound of the dream woman’s petticoats. I would be nice if the woman would come save her from this nightmare. Closing the door, she headed for the elevator.
Once there, her team gathered around her. Heads bobbed up from cubicles around the office. Apparently the news had gotten around. “We talked about it, and decided we’re taking you out for dinner tonight to thank you for being the best boss,” Matt said. He was the newest member of the team.
“Thanks guys. You’re the best.” Just then the elevator doors opened, and Fletcher was standing there with a janitor who had a dolly-load full of boxes. His snarky smile set Jenna off, and a red haze filled her vision. There was something of an oily used car salesman about him. Jenna had cringed the first time she’d met him, but now something strange happened. When she looked at Fletcher he was surrounded by a dark inky cloud. As she looked at her team, she noticed his presence dampened the warm feelings that had surrounded her just the moment before.
“Well, Jenna. All packed up I see,” he said with his nose in the air. “Good, I didn’t want to have to set up with your stuff in the way.” He pushed his way through the small crowed. Turning his beaked nose toward the group he said, “Don’t you all have work to do?”
“Yeah, but we wanted to say goodbye to our friend,” Joan said, challenging him with her red-orange aura rushing out to confront Fletcher. Jenna blinked. What’s going on? This was a new experience she didn’t welcome. She looked at her team and saw red flaring among them. No one moved to go back to work. Fletcher stopped to stare at them. He must be feeling their hostility. Strange, Fletcher doesn’t seem the sensitive type. His hawk-like features sharpened. There was trouble ahead.
Joan continued, “You don’t mind do you? It’ll only take a minute.” Jenna saw Fletcher look around at the cubicles. Most people were standing watching the commotion. The inky cloud receded and Jenna knew he’d decided to draw in his claws. Somehow she knew he’d strike later when there weren’t so many people watching. He shrugged his shoulders, and directed the janitor to his new office.
“Watch out you guys. You don’t want to make him mad on his first day as boss.”
“He can’t fire all of us at the same time. He needs us, because he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Joan said, opening her arms to hug Jenna.
As she got into the elevator, tears welled up in her eyes. “See you at Chin Yen’s at six,” Joan said. All Jenna could do was wave.
By the time she got down to payroll, she’d dried her eyes. Tracy met her. “That bastard,” she said handing Jenna the envelope. “He told you the company was doing some reorganizing didn’t he?” She laid out the severance paperwork for Jenna to sign.
“Yeah.”
“Well, they aren’t. You’re the only one he’s letting go, and everybody knows why. It’s a real shame. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks Tracy.”
“You’re welcome.” She put one copy of the signed papers in a manila envelope and handed it to Jenna. Whispering, she said, “I put Diane’s contact information in the envelope. I’m not supposed to give it to you, but I know she’d love to hear from you. She might have a position open, or at least give you a good recommendation.”
“Thanks. It’s been a bad day. I appreciate the help.”
“You’re welcome. Don’t be a stranger. Let us know how you’re getting along.”
“I will.”
Walking to the train, all she could think about was going home to Roseburg to talk everything over with her mom. Her mom knew about tragedy. While she was there, she’d also talk to her mom’s best friend, Naomi, who was like a second mother. They’d help her figure out what to do next. Besides just being home among caring friends would soothe her wounds.
The train ride slipped by without Jenna noticing, not that she had far to go. She almost missed her stop. The short walk to her apartment was also a blur. When she came around the corner, she noticed Sam’s car with a small moving truck parked in the loading zone near their lavish apartment. Sam was still packing his things. He didn’t seem to notice that she was home early. “Oh, sorry, I thought we’d be finished before you got home. I hope it’s not gonna be too awkward, me being here.”
Not listening to him as he chattered along about how great it was going to be living in L.A., and that soon she’d see that this was the best thing for both of them, she hung up her coat and went to the kitchen to brew a cup of green tea. The moving men said nothing, only exchanged glances at each other, and nodded to Jenna as they took Sam’s desk, file cabinet, and the furniture that had been his before they’d purchased the new stuff.
Sam followed her into the kitchen. When she sat down to drink the tea, she looked up at Sam, who was still chattering. She blinked her eyes. What was wrong with her? For a moment Sam had been surrounded by a muddy brown and gray mist. The strain’s getting to me. I’m cracking up. Concentrating on her tea, she shut Sam’s monologue out. She didn’t want him to see that she was losing her grip on reality.
Finally, after two cups of tea, which helped her keep her emotions in check, Sam said, “Well, I’m off. Wish me luck as I do you. You’ve got a great career ahead of you. Oh, and will you tell Joan and Ben goodbye for me? I’m gonna miss them a lot.” What bull. You never liked any of my friends. He was filling the space with chatter to keep her from saying anything.
“Who knows,” he said, “maybe one day we’ll get back together.” What a crock! Keep talking. I bet you’ve been cheating on me.
Just then his phone rang. Answering it, he said, “Yeah, I’m just getting into the car. Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He hung up and turned to Jenna. “The office.” Something in the way he said it got Jenna’s ire up. “Well, Babe this is it. I’m off. You take care of yourself, and let me know how you’re doing, okay?”
“Just give me the key and go. No need to drag it out.”
He took the key off his ring and gave it to her. “I’m trying to be amicable.”
“Why?”
“Okay, obviously you’re in a bad mood. Maybe this will cheer you up. I’ve been thinking about it. You were right to get upset about me asking for the ring back. Here, it’s the least I can do. It’ll give you more time to find another place. Goodbye.” He put a check on the table in front of her. Without saying another word, he turned and left.
Looking at the check, she felt her skin crawl. He was paying her off like a prostitute. She left the check lying where he’d laid it, and went to the front window to be sure he was gone. Finally! She’d have some peace and quiet to think. Fortunately he hadn’t tried to kiss her. The way she was feeling, she’d probably have smacked him.
With her head spinning from the events of the day, she sat in the chair facing the window overlooking the Willamette River, too numb to think or feel. Why is this happening? All her hard work and hopes for the future were destroyed.
Visions of all the ways she’d take revenge on Fletcher, his Uncle and Sam swirled through her head. The rage at what had happened finally burst out. She stood up and screamed at them using as many foul words as she could think of, pounding the sofa, the table behind it and the mantle.
After what seemed like hours, her rage was spent. She flopped down again in the chair near the front window. I’ve got to go home. Mom’ll understand what I’m going through. She thought about breaking the rule of waiting until after five to call. Her mom didn’t like to be disturbed at work.
Her stomach growled, and though she didn’t feel like eating she made herself a sandwich and ate it in a trance. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts all tumbling together…I’ll get revenge…the bastards… what am I gonna do? On and on.
As she rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, tears welled up in her eyes. These were the dishes she and Sam had purchased right after finding their apartment. It was the one time they’d made a mutual decision. They’d seen the pattern and both said at the same time, “I love these.” Then they’d laughed and bought twelve place settings. With her hands on the counter, waves of anger, grief and fear took over and the tears washed down her face. Groping as if she were blind, she found the stair railing and hauled herself up into the bedroom. She lay on the bed weeping uncontrollably for who knew how long.
Afterward, she went into the bathroom and washed her swollen face. The cool water felt good. She looked at herself in the mirror feeling empty. After several minutes, she wandered around the spacious apartment aimlessly, finally settling into the same chair she’d sat in after lunch. The clouds were clearing and the afternoon sun was sparkling on the water. Seeing the sun should have made her feel better, but she was irritated. How could it shine on such a black day? Every cell in her body was rubbed the wrong way by the bright beautiful visage. A few minutes later, the door bell rang.
Chuck, from the Mailroom, was standing there with a pained expression on his round face. He was one of her favorites. Every day he delighted her with a smile and a joke. She knew he liked her, because he always gave her outgoing mail first priority. Too bad he’s too young for me. He’s perfect.
“Here are your boxes, Miss Holden. I wanna say again, I’m sorry this happened. You deserve better.”
“Thanks, Chuck. I’m gonna miss your jokes.” Tears welled in her eyes again. “I’m sorry. It’s been a really bad day.”
Chuck brought in the box he was holding and put it by the front door. He put his arms around Jenna and held her until she stopped crying.
“I’m sorry. Thanks for being so kind.”
“It’s okay. Joan told me about your fiancé. I’m real sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
“You can come to my commiseration dinner tonight. It’s at Chin Yen at six.”
“Gee, that sounds great. We can pickle the bastards as we drink our ale. Oh, sorry. I don’t mean to make your bad day seem trivial.”
Jenna laughed. “You didn’t. Thanks for helping me feel better.”
“I’d better get back,” he said as he brought the other box in from the front stoop. “See you tonight.”
“See you tonight. And thanks.”
To pass the time until she could call her mom , she packed a bag for the weekend. At five-thirty, she was reaching for the phone, when it rang, startling her. She picked it up.
“Hello.”
“Is this Jenna Holden?”
“Yes.”
“This is Officer Parker from the Roseburg PD.”
“Yes. What can I do for you?”
“I’m sorry to tell you that your mother’s been in a terrible car accident. Can you come as soon as possible? She’s just gone by ambulance to the hospital.”
“What? What was that you said?”
“You’re mother has been in a terrible accident and is in the hospital.”
“No. It can’t be. Oh, God in heaven, Mom.”
“I’m so sorry Miss Holden. Can you drive yourself here or is there someone who can drive for you?”
“What? No.”
“Do you want us to arrange for a State Policeman or a friend to drive you down?”
“Um.” This was too much. She finally collapsed into a dreamlike comatose state. She made some reply, and the officer answered back, but his voice came to her through a fog. After she hung up she had no idea what they’d agreed upon. All she could do was sit in stunned silence, her head spinning.
Some time later, Jenna had no idea how much time had passed, her cell phone rang. The sound was distant, as if coming from another room. For some reason, she couldn’t make her hands work well enough to pick it up. When it rang for the umpteeth time, she finally managed to pick it up. It was Joan.
“Hey, where are you? We’re all getting drunk waiting for the guest of honor.”
“Oh, Joan,” Jenna couldn’t hold back the flood of tears.
“Sweetie, what’s the matter?”
“It’s mom. She’s been in a terrible accident.”
“Oh, man! I’m coming right over.” Jenna could hear the gang in the background asking questions.
“Okay. Thanks.” Jenna heard the end call beep and let the phone fall onto the table near her chair. She didn’t move until the door bell chimed. “Come in,” she tried to shout.
Then Joan was by her side. “Oh sweetie, you’ve had one of the worst days in history. I told the gang, and Ben. Their praying for you and your mom.”
“Thanks.”
“Let me get you some water. I bet you’re dehydrated.” Joan knew where everything was in Jenna’s kitchen, since she and Ben had cooked with her on lonely nights, when Sam wasn’t home. Bringing back a large glass of water, she handed it to Jenna. “Drink it all. You need it.”
Jenna did as she was told taking lots of little sips.
“Tell me what happened.”
“I don’t know exactly. I was reaching for the phone to call mom, when the Roseburg P.D. called and said she’d been in a car accident and that she’d been sent to the hospital.”
“Is someone coming for you?”
“I don’t know. I kind of blanked out once I got the news. I think so, but I don’t know.”
“Who can we call?”
“Naomi.”
“Okay, give me your phone.” She checked Jenna’s contacts and found Naomi’s number. “Hello, Naomi? This is Joan.” Joan and Naomi had hit it off the moment they’d met at a Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering when Jenna had taken Joan home from college to meet her mother, Ella Holden. “Yeah, well, she’s in shock about more than just that. Yeah, we’ll tell you when you get here. Okay, so we’ll see you in about an hour. I will. Goodbye.” Joan ended the call and set the phone beside Jenna. “How you feeling? Any better?”
“A little. Thanks for the water. I needed that.”
“That’s okay. Now, I’m gonna to fix you something to eat.”
“No, I couldn’t eat a thing.”
“Just some soup. You can get that down.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Good. Come with me.” Joan helped Jenna out of the chair and guided her to the kitchen.
Plopping down at the table, Jenna took a deep breath and started to talk, “You know, when Sam ended it this morning, part of me thought, good riddance. But another part of me felt like I was damaged goods. I couldn’t help thinking about all those other failed relationships. And that I’ve got to figure out why every one of them failed. Then when Mr. Drayton fired me, I felt even worse. When I got the call about mom, my brain shut down. I can’t see any reason for all this happening on one day. My mind’s a muddle. I can’t think.”
“I know, Sweetie. I don’t see it either. Right now you’ve just got to take it one step at a time. You’ve had a really bad day. It’s gonna take some time to sift through the rubble.” Joan set the soup and a box of crackers in front of Jenna. Then set the kettle to boil.
“I know you’re right, but right now I feel like one exposed nerve.”
“Oh, Honey, I wish I could change that for you,” Joan put her hand over Jenna’s. “For now, just eat.”
They sat in silence until Jenna finished the soup. Joan took the bowl and plate, rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. The kettle whistle blew. Joan poured water over the bag of green tea and set the cup in front of Jenna. Sitting down opposite her, she took one of Jenna’s hands. “You know I’m here for you if you need me. I’ll call Ben and tell him I’m going with you.”
Jenna took a deep breath, “That’s so nice of you, but let me go see what’s happening. If the worst happens… I might need you to help me close up things here.
“Don’t think like that. She’s gonna be fine. But leaving me the extra key just in case is a good idea.”
“Sam’s and the extra one are on the key rack by the door.”
“Okay. I’ll get it when I leave. Do you need me to pack for you?”
“I started packing before I got the call. I was going home for the weekend.”
“Bring your cup and we’ll see what needs to be done.”
Jenna followed Joan upstairs to the master bedroom. The small suitcase was open on the bed. “I don’t think this’ll be enough in case you need to stay longer,” Joan said.
“Oh, a second bag.”
“I’ll get it. You just tell me what to pack.”
“I don’t know, jeans and shirts and, I don’t know. I can’t think right now.”
“Okay, I’ll take care of it.” Joan got out the extra suitcase, then gathered things she thought Jenna would need for a couple of weeks. When she was finished, they each took a bag downstairs and put them near the door. It was half past eight.
“Shouldn’t Naomi be getting here soon?” Joan asked.
“I don’t know what time she left, and it’s Friday night. Traffic could be bad on I-5.
Just then the door bell rang. They both jumped. Jenna went to answer the door. There stood Naomi, looking like a painting with her batiked shawl over flowing red slacks and tunic style shirt. Naomi reminded Jenna of a brightly colored butterfly. No matter where she went, people stopped to stare. She was small in stature, but big on personality, and every room she entered was illuminated by her presence. She enfolded Jenna a big hug. “Oh, Honey.” They stood like that for awhile. “Hi, Joan. I’m glad you’re here. And Jenna I see you’re all packed. Good, let’s hit the road.”
Taking the bags out to Naomi’s car, Joan said, “Keep me posted. You’ve got my number don’t you?” she asked Naomi. “Call anytime day or night.”
With her arm around Jenna, she directed her to the car. “Yep. I’ll call when we know something,” Naomi said.
“Thanks.” Joan hugged Jenna. “Take care of yourself. We’re all praying for you.”
“I know. Tell the gang thanks.” Jenna got in the car.
After she closed the door, Naomi said to Joan,“Quick, tell me, what else’s happened.”
“Sam left and Mr. Drayton fired her today.”
“Oh, my… Okay. Thanks. Gotta go. It’s bad.”
“I thought so. I’ll lock up.”
Naomi got into the car. Jenna turned and looked at Joan standing on the steps to the apartment.
Once on the road, Naomi told Jenna all she learned about Ella’s accident from the police. All Jenna really heard was that her mom was alive. Somehow that made her feel a little better. I’ll nurse her back to health. She clung to that thought. It was what kept her going after a day of so many shocks.
“This has been the worst day of my life.”
“Now, don’t say that. Your mom will most likely pull through.”
“I know. What I mean is that Sam broke our engagement and I was laid off today.”
“I know. Joan told me. Honey, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. I’m glad Joan came over. I really needed to talk. Though I didn’t know what to say.”
“We’ll get you back home and get through this crisis. Then you can figure out what to do about your future.”
That was Naomi. She was Jenna’s second mom. What would I do without her?
The rest of the ride was a blur. They rode in silence. Jenna was exhausted. She wanted to sleep and forget, yet she was keyed up. Her life was suspended in a nebulous no-man’s land with her confidence severely shaken. How was she going to cope? The accident was bad, Naomi’d said. She couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her mother. Ella was like an anchor holding her in reality. If her mother died, she thought she might fly away never to be heard of again? With her mother gone, she’d be a complete orphan with no roots. When they pulled up into the hospital parking lot, Jenna was surprised. Her mind had been rolling on a treadmill, like a hamster in a cage, going over and over the events of this devastating day. Would she ever be happy again?
Her senses were on overload. Everything that’d happened that day was imprinted on her mind in short video-like segments.
Sam’s expression of contempt when he told her he wanted to break their engagement. Then having the audacity to ask for the ring back.
Mr. Dayton’s face when he told her she was fired.
Telling her team she’d been let go.
Joan and her team at the elevator making plans for a commiseration dinner.
The boat out on the Willamette as she heard the news about her mother.
Joan sitting across from her as she ate soup.
Naomi coming to pick her up.
Even though she was now walking toward the hospital, her brain continued to record short segments starting with Naomi saying, “She’s in intensive care, Honey. Come on, the gang’s here.”
Her mother’s friends in the waiting room.
So many dear friends’ faces flashing through her memory.
Ross, her mother’s first boss, and his wife Charlotte.
Gabby, her mother’s friend from high school.
Reverend Peter, and his wife Marsha.
Fuzzy faces of a couple of people she didn’t know.
Feeling her friends surround and embrace her.
Reverend Peter saying, “Let me take you to see her.”
The corridor to her room. The floor undulating like a wave when he said, “I want to warn you, she doesn’t look like herself.”
Her mother lying on the bed, deep lacerations on her face.
The bandage on her mother’s head, and the cast on her left arm, the tent over her left leg.
The sob that escaped when she knew her mother wasn’t going to make it.
Sitting in the chair by her mother’s bed. Taking her mother’s hand.
Her mother’s calm expressionless face.
The machines clicking and beeping.
Saying, “Mom, I’m here. I love you.” The distinct feeling her mother was already gone.
The Doctor coming in. Peter introducing him. “Jenna, this is Dr. Naiobi. He was here when your mother was brought in. He’d like to talk to you.”
Dr. Naiobi’s young concerned face. His dark hair and chocolate eyes with the smile lines at their corners.
His voice coming from a great distance. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news…condition is very grave…she’s had surgery…damage to her internal organs…severe head trauma…we don’t know if she’ll recover…an injury like your mother’s, the patient did recover fully…lots of care…scan results to come in…what would you like to do if she’s brain dead?”
Here the video got fuzzy. She didn’t remember at all what he said after that.
Saying to Dr. Naiobi, “Thank you for being honest with me.”
Dr. Naiobi, putting his hand on her arm, as he left.
The look on her mother’s friends’ faces when the Doctor told them the test results were conclusive. Her mother was brain dead.
Signing the papers.
The increasing silence as each machine was turned off.
The group of friends gathered around her mother’s bed holding hands and Jenna in a cocoon.
Saying goodbye.
Leaving the hospital.
Being guided to a bed.
Oblivion.
The Space Between Time
by Lucinda Sage-Midgorden
© 2014
“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” - Rumi
Chapter 1
Jenna’s mouth opened in a silent scream. Just as the man was about to drag her away, she heard the soft rustle of petticoats. The sound stopped the man’s progress. Cringing in fear, he let go of Jenna, then melted away into the ethers. Relief swept over her. She looked, but couldn’t see the female presence clearly, except for what she was wearing; a long Civil War style dress with purple-gray folds of skirt flowing over large hoops. Sighing, she knew she was safe. The monster/man was afraid of this woman. Just as she was turning to get a better look and to thank the woman, the annoying beep, beep, beep, beep of the alarm clock brought her back to reality. That damn dream again. But this time’d been different. The woman had come. Jenna lay in bed savoring the feeling of the woman’s presence, then reached over and silenced the alarm clock.
Another day of work. The familiar bitter-sweet ambivalent feeling rushed in to replace Jenna’s warm memory of the woman saving her in her dream. Would she ever make peace with her decision to become an editor, when what she longed to do was write her own stories? Thank heaven it was Friday, two whole days to focus on writing the story that had been knocking around in her head for weeks. That’s if Sam didn’t have plans for the weekend.
She turned over to wake him because he was a heavy sleeper. She patted his pillow. He wasn’t in bed. Reaching to turn on the light, she gasped. He was sitting, completely dressed, in the chair near her side of the bed. She propped herself up on one elbow.
“What are you doing there?”
For once his handsome dark eyes were serious. “I’ve gotta talk to ya, babe. This is hard. I put in for a promotion and I got it. I’m going to L.A.”
Jenna’s head was foggy. “What?”
“I’ve been meaning to tell you, I just didn’t know how,” he said in a rush. “I’m moving to L.A. It hasn’t been working for us for a long time. You changed. It’s good we discovered this now. I’ve gotta go.”
Sitting up in bed she said, “Wait. What are you saying?”
He frowned as if he didn’t understand why she was being so obtuse. “I’m saying that neither one of us is happy, and I’m breaking our engagement and moving to L.A.”
Shock paralyzed her. Even though she’d seen this coming, it still made her stomach clench and her head spin. She stopped breathing. This can’t be happening. How can he do this without even talking it over? ”You’re breaking up with me at 5:00 a.m.? Can’t we talk about this tonight?”
The comforting feeling from her dream evaporated, replaced by growing anger and the knowledge that another relationship had failed.
“No, babe. I’m leaving today. As soon as I get my stuff packed. I start on Monday.”
“So, you’re just leaving without giving us a chance to talk this over.”
All the times she’d tried to get him to talk about their relationship flashed through her mind. He’d always managed to evade the discussions and made her feel like she’d been silly to suggest anything was wrong between them.
“You know it’ll just be the same old stuff and we’ll be right back where we were. Neither one of us has been happy for quite some time.”
Pounding her pillows into a more comfortable shape, instead of punching Sam, she had to admit that he was right. Jenna hadn’t been happy, because she felt like she was the only one in the relationship. She’d hoped that would change. “I never said I was unhappy. I said we needed to work some things out. But you never had the time to do that.”
“Come on, don’t make this my fault. You know you want things a certain way, and if you can’t have it that way, then you make me suffer.”
She swung her legs out of the bed to face him, which was easy as he was still sitting down. “I make you suffer. That’s a laugh. I want us to have a real relationship where we talk things over and make decisions together. Whenever I bring that up, you run screaming from the room and I don’t see you for days.”
Sam unfolded himself in slow sections. As he rose from the chair she was struck again at his outward beauty. Too bad it was only skin deep. Looking down at her from his great height he said, “I’m not gonna argue about it now. As far as I’m concerned we gave it a good try, but the sex got boring, and you didn’t want to support my career. I’m sorry, but, it’s over. You’re a great and beautiful girl. You’ll find some boring guy who’ll adore you. I gotta go now. I’ll come back and pack my stuff after you’ve gone. You can keep the furniture. My apartment in L.A. is furnished. But, can I have my ring back?” He put out his hand.
Seeing red with every nerve tingling, Jenna took a step toward him with fists clenched, “No, you can’t have MY ring back. You gave it to me. It’s mine now.” She pushed past him toward the door knowing keeping the expensive ring he’d given her would be the only way she could get back at him. “Besides, I’ll need to hock it so I can put a deposit on a cheaper apartment. Now get out of here!”
He picked up the suitcase she hadn’t noticed on the other side of the door. Sneering he said, “You know, I’ve never told you what a needy bitch you are. My friends wonder why I stayed with you so long.” With a self-satisfied smirk on his face, he left.
“You’re friends are shallow and vapid, just like you,” she shouted after him. Bounding down the stairs, his only answer was a loud slamming of the door that shook the front windows. Well, that’s that. Though she was filled with shame underneath the rage, she sighed with relief. Each day the stalemate had gone on, she became more anxious. The moment of truth had finally come and she was still standing.
Taking in a cleansing breath through her nose, she forced it out her mouth and went to the bathroom. The mirror above his sink, with the cabinet behind, stood open. It was empty. Looking at herself in her mirror, she wondered why he’d been attracted to her in the first place. In her opinion her eyes were too small and her eyelashes too light. If she wasn’t wearing mascara, they were invisible. She didn’t like the way the corners of her mouth turned down slightly, though she did have nice full lips. Continuing her assessment, she admitted she wasn’t his type at all. How she wished she were taller like the models that his ad agency hired, and that her honey-colored hair were either more blond or more red. Then there were the idiosyncrasies of her personality. She was an introvert to his extra-extrovert. She preferred quiet evenings at home with one or two friends sharing earnest conversations about the latest book they’d read, a movie they’d seen, a current event, or life philosophy.
Sam was in his element in the noise of a ball game, busy restaurant, or night club. He seemed to know everyone. His favorite topic always had to do with himself – his latest triumphant ad campaign, or a celebrity he’d met. Early on, it was painfully obvious, he thought of her as an ornament, something to make him look better. It was hard to admit that he’d chosen her only because she was a rising star in the local publishing scene and could talk intelligently with his potential clients.
After months of being presented like the latest shiny possession, she’d admitted to herself that he’d chosen her for her knowledge of literature, history and current events, things he knew nothing about. Oh, he understood pop culture, which served his work well, but he wasn’t interested in much else. Which made her nothing more than a commodity to him. When faced with that fact, she’d wept. The death knell to their relationship came when she’d asked him to read The DaVinci Code so they could discuss it. Laughing at her, he’d refused.
Standing there looking at herself in the mirror, she knew that had been the real end to their relationship. They had nothing in common. However, pride made her try to make their relationship work. Now, many months later, there was no escaping the fact that she’d tried to become who he wanted her to be. In the end it was no use, but she’d waffled about ending their relationship, because she didn’t want to admit she’d failed again. Why did she always go for men who were emotionally unavailable?
If only she could find someone more like her, someone who enjoyed a quiet evening at home discussing things that mattered to them. Someone who enjoyed a small group of friends at the dinner table. After so many tries, she wasn’t sure there was such a man.
Sam had dazzled her, like the others had, with his charm and beauty. She was always flattered when each Adonis was attracted to her. However, it always ended the same way. After the honeymoon period was over, they’d belittle her and scoff at the things she loved. Each time, that old self-doubt dragon would raise its head reminding her that she was unlovable, and she might as well admit it.
This time, however, a little voice deep inside assured her that there was nothing wrong with her. But, as she turned to the closet to pick out her clothes, she had to admit she didn’t believe it. The hole in her heart was still empty. Stepping into the shower, she let the hot water soothe her body. Her feelings were raw, however, and tears mingled with the shower droplets. She took off Sam’s ring leaving it on the shower shelf, thinking nothing could assuage her wounded self-esteem. Drying off, she pulled herself together long enough to put on her make-up and ride the light rail to work without breakfast. Her stomach was stuffed with self-condemnation.
In the elevator, she nearly lost her composure, but by the time the doors opened, she’d plastered a smile on her face, greeting coworkers until she could make it to her office before the threatening tears overflowed once more. Once there, she plopped down in her chair, exhausted.
The corner office that had once been her former boss Diane’s had a lovely view of the city of Portland with Mt. Hood in the distance, when it was clear enough to see it, that is. Today was a gray day in mid-April. The weather matched her mood. Before she could get settled, and her mind in gear for work, Joan stepped in the door. Her pert dark hair was cut short and framed her oval peaches and cream face. Concern shone out of her dark eyes and puckered her rose colored mouth. Jenna faintly registered how smart Joan looked in the navy blue suit she’d found on sale at Nordstrom’s when they’d gone shopping a week ago.
“Hey, are you all right? You look like your dog just died.”
“Sam walked out this morning.”
“Oh man. That rat fink. Did he say why?”
“The usual crap, ‘It hasn’t been working for a long time.’ Oh, and he got a promotion and he’s moving to L.A.”
“Well, good riddance. You knew this was coming. Now you can move on.”
“Yeah, but when it finally happens, it’s still a shock. And somehow I blame myself.”
“Sweetie, just because he wasn’t the right guy, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”
“Keep telling me that until I believe it will you?”
“I’ll take you to lunch and we can talk, okay?”
“That’d be great. Thanks. We better get to work. I don’t want to lose my job too.”
“Okay. We’ll go to Chin Yen’s and we can boil him in oil.”
Jenna laughed. Joan changed the subject. “Still haven’t heard anything about your promotion?”
“Not yet.” Just then Jenna’s phone rang. They both jumped. Jenna cleared her throat. “Jenna Holden.” She grimaced, “Yes, Mr. Dayton. I’ll be right up.”
Joan crossed her fingers. “This has got to be it,” Joan said as they left Jenna’s office.
“I hope so, I could use some good news today.”
By the time she got to the fifteenth floor, she had a premonition of doom. Mr. Drayton always reminded Jenna of a spider. Maybe it was his inordinately long spindly arms and legs, or maybe it was his beady eyes, flat nose and wide mouth that was too big for his face. Every time she was in his presence, he seemed to be weaving webs in which to catch his coworkers for devouring later. Just now, as she was about to enter his lair, she felt like she’d unknowingly been caught in his web. As the elevator doors opened, her knees were shaking uncontrollably and her stomach rolled. There was no getting out of seeing him now. She thought it best to confront her fate. Reaching out a shaking hand, she knocked on Mr. Dayton’s door. From inside came the muffled, “Come in.” She hesitated just a moment with her stomach falling like a stone then she opened the door.
“Jenna, sit down.” Mr. Dayton’s smile told her she was about to be eaten. He indicated a seat at the front of his desk. Without any preliminaries, he said, “I have news about the promotion you applied for. I’m sorry to say, we decided to choose someone else. You’ve done a fantastic job. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just that we needed someone with more experience than you have at present.” Then with a simpering smile on his face, he squirmed with pleasure. His first bite hadn’t had enough poison in it. There was more to come.
Suppressing a grin, he turned his black beady eyes on her and said, “I have more bad news,” clearing his throat he continued. “The company is restructuring and we’re laying people off. I’m afraid you’re one of them.”
Jenna couldn’t breathe. How do predators know when their prey is at their weakest? The poison spread, paralyzing her. I can’t believe it, two in one day! The room faded from view as Mr. Drayton went on relishing the effect his words had on her.
“Because of the hard work you’ve done for us, you’ll get a generous severance package. And I’ve written you a glowing recommendation. You’ve been such an asset to this company and done a great job filling in for Diane. I wish you hadn’t been one of the ones to be let go.” Then he cleared his throat and found something very interesting among his papers.
Why? If I’m such an asset to the company, why are you letting me go? She couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud. Looking at the smirk on Mr. Drayton’s face, she knew he wasn’t telling her the truth. There was more to the story. Fletcher. He’s giving that freeloader my job. The future of the company stretched out before her, and she saw it wither and die, killed from within by Drayton and his nephew Fletcher. They must know where the bodies are buried.
Drayton brought her back to the present, “Also, I’m sorry to ask you this, but, could you clean out your office and hand off any unfinished work to Joan? We feel that a clean break will be less painful for you and your team. Ah, here it is. Your recommendation.” He handed her the envelope he’d been rummaging for.
She reached for it, not sure she’d be able to grasp it with her head spinning the way it was. “Sure,” she managed to say.
He put out his hand with a forced smile on his face. This can’t be happening. She rose, her mind in a whirl. Her shock reached a new level. Is this how zombies are made? She nearly giggled. Dangerous. Once I start, I won’t be able to stop. She suppressed the nervous giggle and took his outstretched hand.
“Goodbye Jenna. I know you’ll get another position soon.” His hand was cold, clammy and sticky like a fish. She hoped she’d concealed the look of disgust on her face, but then maybe that didn’t matter. It was unlikely she’d ever have to see him again. Without a word she left.
Shock turned to rage as the elevator descended to her floor. When the doors opened, she was fuming. How can I get my revenge on them? She didn’t dare say anything to anyone out on the floor. In her office she stacked the files she’d been working on, wrote the password to her office computer on a sticky note and took everything to Joan’s office, plopping the files on her desk.
Joan looked up in confusion. “What’s all this?”
Through gritted teeth, she said, “I’ve been let go. Mr. Dayton told me to give my unfinished files to you. Here’s the password to my computer. I have to clear out my office today and leave.”
“What!” Heads rose from nearby cubicles. “That bastard,” Joan said in a whisper as she went to close her office door. “You know why he’s letting you go, don’t you? Because you found the mistake that little weasel of a nephew of his made. I bet he gave him the position instead of you. He can’t have you around reminding him he’s an asshole.”
Of course Joan was right. Jenna could see it all in a flash. She’d had the audacity to point out Fletcher’s mistakes. They’d have cost the company thousands of dollars. When she’d found the paper trail, she’d gone to Andy in accounting to be sure she was right. Andy helped her prepare the report she’d sent to Mr. Drayton. Now she knew her one big mistake was to CC his superiors with the evidence. Naively she thought they’d appreciate her efforts. Her hopes had been confirmed when she’d received a commendation and a bonus from Mr. Winston, owner of the company. The bonus she’d used to buy her wedding dress, for which she now had no use. What she hadn’t realized until today was that Mr. Dayton had something on Mr. Winston. That’s how he’d gotten the okay to have her let go. But, how had he caught Mr. Winston in his web so quickly? Mr. Drayton was one of the newest executives of the company. He’d only been hired a few months before Jenna, three years ago. Some people have a talent for finding the jugular. Now she knew that Mr. Drayton saw her as a threat to whatever it was he was planning. He couldn’t have her turn the tables on him and dig up his skeletons. She’d shown her hand when she’d blown the whistle on Fletcher. He wasn’t going to let her do that to him. The triumphant expression on his face when she’d left his office just now confirmed her suspicions. He’d successfully gotten rid of an enemy. How naive could she get. She’d thought that hard work would prove that she was an asset to the company. Oh how she’d underestimated the role of politics in the business world. Well two could play that game. He’s not going to get away with this. I’ll forward the financial evidence to myself and tell the team exactly what happened.
Coming out of her reverie, she looked Joan in the eye. “Get the team together in my office in ten minutes.”
Rubbing her hands together, Joan said, “A rebellion. I can see it in your eyes.”
“It’s the least I can do for Fletcher and Mr. Drayton.”
They left Joan’s office and she went to gather any pertinent records she’d saved on her computer to email to her personal account. What she’d do with them, she wasn’t quite sure yet. But something in her gut told her to do it. Just as she hit the send button on the last email, the team entered her office.
“Tom, will you shut the door?” They sat around the small conference table. All eyes were on Jenna. Rarely did they have unscheduled meetings, so they knew something was up. The only one not there was Fletcher.
“I’ll get right to the point. I’ve been laid off.” There was an audible gasp and questions erupted in a jumble of noise. Jenna raised her hand. The room grew quiet. “Mr. Drayton didn’t say so, but I’m sure Fletcher is to be the new head editor for the team. I guess this, because Fletcher’s not here and I’ve been asked to clear out my belongings and leave as soon as possible.”
As Jenna looked around the room, each person looked shocked and dismayed. Kenny said, “We’ll stand by you. Tell us what you want us to do.”
“Thanks. First of all, I’ve handed the projects I was working on over to Joan, as ordered. Joan, I want you and Kenny to divide up the work among the team members. I’d persuaded Eric Meyer to switch to us for his latest novel. He was supposed to sign the contract today. What do you think, do you want to go on with that project?”
Amy said, “I do. I love his work and it’d be a great feather in your cap if he signed with us pre-Fletcher.”
Joan said, “I agree. I’ll call him to let him know what’s happened, and see what he says. Since I was in on the negotiations, maybe I can get him to stipulate that I’m his editor, so we can keep him out of Fletcher’s clutches. I’ll also try to get him to give you an endorsement for future reference.”
“Thanks. I’m not sure he knows me well enough for that, but thanks.”
Joan asked, “Do you want me to tell him EXACTLY what happened to you?”
“I know I should say no, but I want revenge right now, so yes. That may make him change his mind, but let the chips fall where they may.”
“Okay,” said Joan. “Maybe, he’ll let it slip out what happened to you and others will know to steer clear of Fletcher and Drayton.”
“Maybe. We’ll have to see. Second, I may be committing professional suicide here, and putting you all in jeopardy, but I want you guys to keep a close eye on all Fletcher’s work. Joan, let Andy in accounting know what’s happened. He’ll watch the books. You’ll have to keep quiet about your surveillance. Something’s not right. I feel it in my bones. I can’t put my finger on it, but those two are up to something, so be careful. I don’t want any of you to lose your jobs because you got caught. They’re cagy. I’m afraid you’re gonna be in a war zone. Fletcher knows you guys are my team. He might make sure you get moved to different departments. I’m sorry about that if he does. Maybe if I hadn’t been so noble…,” Jenna sighed, then continued, “Follow your own consciences. Well, that’s it. I’m gonna miss all of you.”
Emily spoke for all of them when she said, “We’re gonna miss you too. You’ve been a great boss, as good as Diane was.” All the heads nodded their assent.
“Thanks guys. I’ll be thinking of you all, and how much I enjoyed working with you. Okay, better get back to work now. I’ll be sure to say goodbye before I leave.” The meeting broke up and Kenny followed Joan to her office.
Jenna then took out a flash drive and for good measure copied the files she’d sent to herself, then deleted the evidence and all other files she thought could be used against her. Then for good measure she called Dave in the IT department and asked him to be sure everything was erased permanently. He was a great guy. She liked him very much, and even more so, when he agreed to check the server and do it right away. I think all the bases are covered.
Putting the flash drive in her briefcase, she left her office for the mail room. On her way, she noticed that no one else was packing to leave. Anger welled up inside her at the injustice of her situation, and she clenched her teeth. I knew he was lying. I’m the only one. Oooh, if she could only figure out a way to get Drayton and Fletcher exposed for the connivers they were.
Down in the mail room, when she asked for boxes, Chuck asked, “What do you need them for?”
“I’ve been kicked out. The company no longer needs my services. I’ve gotta pack up my stuff today.” To her dismay tears came to her eyes.
“Those bastards,” said Chuck.
“Yeah. I don’t know how I’ll get my stuff home. I rode the train today.”
“Don’t you worry about it. I’ll bring them by your place when I’m running my errands this afternoon.”
“Thanks, Chuck.”
“My pleasure.”
She took her time packing, making sure she got everything that was hers and double checking for computer files she thought Fletcher could use against her. Just before noon, she took one last look around the room then called Chuck to have her boxes picked up. Looking at the empty office, she thought of that sinking feeling she’d had every workday morning. You could write. Snorting, she told her little voice, I have to eat you know. It could take years to make any money writing. Fear clutched her stomach. What was she going to do? She couldn’t keep the apartment she’d shared with Sam. It was too expensive. She’d have to find a cheaper one. Oh, well, she was going to do that anyway. There wasn’t much time to find a job and move. Don’t worry. It’ll all work out, whispered her little voice. Yeah, right, she answered back. “I’ll just have to do the best I can,” she said. “Goodbye,” she said to the office she’d hoped would be hers permanently.
There were many aspects of her job she enjoyed. For example, she remembered the writers who had thanked her for her work, making their books the best they could be. That made her proud, so at the moment, she wasn’t ready to admit that her little voice was right. Closing the door, she thought she heard the swish of petticoats, like in her dream this morning. Shaking her head, she looked back; she didn’t see anyone. Maybe I’m losing my mind. Yet the sound made her feel comforted. Don’t freak out here. There’s plenty of time to do it at home. But somehow, for the first time in her life she felt as if someone really was looking out for her. It had been such a strange day, she thought she was imagining the sound of the dream woman’s petticoats. I would be nice if the woman would come save her from this nightmare. Closing the door, she headed for the elevator.
Once there, her team gathered around her. Heads bobbed up from cubicles around the office. Apparently the news had gotten around. “We talked about it, and decided we’re taking you out for dinner tonight to thank you for being the best boss,” Matt said. He was the newest member of the team.
“Thanks guys. You’re the best.” Just then the elevator doors opened, and Fletcher was standing there with a janitor who had a dolly-load full of boxes. His snarky smile set Jenna off, and a red haze filled her vision. There was something of an oily used car salesman about him. Jenna had cringed the first time she’d met him, but now something strange happened. When she looked at Fletcher he was surrounded by a dark inky cloud. As she looked at her team, she noticed his presence dampened the warm feelings that had surrounded her just the moment before.
“Well, Jenna. All packed up I see,” he said with his nose in the air. “Good, I didn’t want to have to set up with your stuff in the way.” He pushed his way through the small crowed. Turning his beaked nose toward the group he said, “Don’t you all have work to do?”
“Yeah, but we wanted to say goodbye to our friend,” Joan said, challenging him with her red-orange aura rushing out to confront Fletcher. Jenna blinked. What’s going on? This was a new experience she didn’t welcome. She looked at her team and saw red flaring among them. No one moved to go back to work. Fletcher stopped to stare at them. He must be feeling their hostility. Strange, Fletcher doesn’t seem the sensitive type. His hawk-like features sharpened. There was trouble ahead.
Joan continued, “You don’t mind do you? It’ll only take a minute.” Jenna saw Fletcher look around at the cubicles. Most people were standing watching the commotion. The inky cloud receded and Jenna knew he’d decided to draw in his claws. Somehow she knew he’d strike later when there weren’t so many people watching. He shrugged his shoulders, and directed the janitor to his new office.
“Watch out you guys. You don’t want to make him mad on his first day as boss.”
“He can’t fire all of us at the same time. He needs us, because he doesn’t know what he’s doing.” Joan said, opening her arms to hug Jenna.
As she got into the elevator, tears welled up in her eyes. “See you at Chin Yen’s at six,” Joan said. All Jenna could do was wave.
By the time she got down to payroll, she’d dried her eyes. Tracy met her. “That bastard,” she said handing Jenna the envelope. “He told you the company was doing some reorganizing didn’t he?” She laid out the severance paperwork for Jenna to sign.
“Yeah.”
“Well, they aren’t. You’re the only one he’s letting go, and everybody knows why. It’s a real shame. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks Tracy.”
“You’re welcome.” She put one copy of the signed papers in a manila envelope and handed it to Jenna. Whispering, she said, “I put Diane’s contact information in the envelope. I’m not supposed to give it to you, but I know she’d love to hear from you. She might have a position open, or at least give you a good recommendation.”
“Thanks. It’s been a bad day. I appreciate the help.”
“You’re welcome. Don’t be a stranger. Let us know how you’re getting along.”
“I will.”
Walking to the train, all she could think about was going home to Roseburg to talk everything over with her mom. Her mom knew about tragedy. While she was there, she’d also talk to her mom’s best friend, Naomi, who was like a second mother. They’d help her figure out what to do next. Besides just being home among caring friends would soothe her wounds.
The train ride slipped by without Jenna noticing, not that she had far to go. She almost missed her stop. The short walk to her apartment was also a blur. When she came around the corner, she noticed Sam’s car with a small moving truck parked in the loading zone near their lavish apartment. Sam was still packing his things. He didn’t seem to notice that she was home early. “Oh, sorry, I thought we’d be finished before you got home. I hope it’s not gonna be too awkward, me being here.”
Not listening to him as he chattered along about how great it was going to be living in L.A., and that soon she’d see that this was the best thing for both of them, she hung up her coat and went to the kitchen to brew a cup of green tea. The moving men said nothing, only exchanged glances at each other, and nodded to Jenna as they took Sam’s desk, file cabinet, and the furniture that had been his before they’d purchased the new stuff.
Sam followed her into the kitchen. When she sat down to drink the tea, she looked up at Sam, who was still chattering. She blinked her eyes. What was wrong with her? For a moment Sam had been surrounded by a muddy brown and gray mist. The strain’s getting to me. I’m cracking up. Concentrating on her tea, she shut Sam’s monologue out. She didn’t want him to see that she was losing her grip on reality.
Finally, after two cups of tea, which helped her keep her emotions in check, Sam said, “Well, I’m off. Wish me luck as I do you. You’ve got a great career ahead of you. Oh, and will you tell Joan and Ben goodbye for me? I’m gonna miss them a lot.” What bull. You never liked any of my friends. He was filling the space with chatter to keep her from saying anything.
“Who knows,” he said, “maybe one day we’ll get back together.” What a crock! Keep talking. I bet you’ve been cheating on me.
Just then his phone rang. Answering it, he said, “Yeah, I’m just getting into the car. Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He hung up and turned to Jenna. “The office.” Something in the way he said it got Jenna’s ire up. “Well, Babe this is it. I’m off. You take care of yourself, and let me know how you’re doing, okay?”
“Just give me the key and go. No need to drag it out.”
He took the key off his ring and gave it to her. “I’m trying to be amicable.”
“Why?”
“Okay, obviously you’re in a bad mood. Maybe this will cheer you up. I’ve been thinking about it. You were right to get upset about me asking for the ring back. Here, it’s the least I can do. It’ll give you more time to find another place. Goodbye.” He put a check on the table in front of her. Without saying another word, he turned and left.
Looking at the check, she felt her skin crawl. He was paying her off like a prostitute. She left the check lying where he’d laid it, and went to the front window to be sure he was gone. Finally! She’d have some peace and quiet to think. Fortunately he hadn’t tried to kiss her. The way she was feeling, she’d probably have smacked him.
With her head spinning from the events of the day, she sat in the chair facing the window overlooking the Willamette River, too numb to think or feel. Why is this happening? All her hard work and hopes for the future were destroyed.
Visions of all the ways she’d take revenge on Fletcher, his Uncle and Sam swirled through her head. The rage at what had happened finally burst out. She stood up and screamed at them using as many foul words as she could think of, pounding the sofa, the table behind it and the mantle.
After what seemed like hours, her rage was spent. She flopped down again in the chair near the front window. I’ve got to go home. Mom’ll understand what I’m going through. She thought about breaking the rule of waiting until after five to call. Her mom didn’t like to be disturbed at work.
Her stomach growled, and though she didn’t feel like eating she made herself a sandwich and ate it in a trance. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts all tumbling together…I’ll get revenge…the bastards… what am I gonna do? On and on.
As she rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, tears welled up in her eyes. These were the dishes she and Sam had purchased right after finding their apartment. It was the one time they’d made a mutual decision. They’d seen the pattern and both said at the same time, “I love these.” Then they’d laughed and bought twelve place settings. With her hands on the counter, waves of anger, grief and fear took over and the tears washed down her face. Groping as if she were blind, she found the stair railing and hauled herself up into the bedroom. She lay on the bed weeping uncontrollably for who knew how long.
Afterward, she went into the bathroom and washed her swollen face. The cool water felt good. She looked at herself in the mirror feeling empty. After several minutes, she wandered around the spacious apartment aimlessly, finally settling into the same chair she’d sat in after lunch. The clouds were clearing and the afternoon sun was sparkling on the water. Seeing the sun should have made her feel better, but she was irritated. How could it shine on such a black day? Every cell in her body was rubbed the wrong way by the bright beautiful visage. A few minutes later, the door bell rang.
Chuck, from the Mailroom, was standing there with a pained expression on his round face. He was one of her favorites. Every day he delighted her with a smile and a joke. She knew he liked her, because he always gave her outgoing mail first priority. Too bad he’s too young for me. He’s perfect.
“Here are your boxes, Miss Holden. I wanna say again, I’m sorry this happened. You deserve better.”
“Thanks, Chuck. I’m gonna miss your jokes.” Tears welled in her eyes again. “I’m sorry. It’s been a really bad day.”
Chuck brought in the box he was holding and put it by the front door. He put his arms around Jenna and held her until she stopped crying.
“I’m sorry. Thanks for being so kind.”
“It’s okay. Joan told me about your fiancé. I’m real sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
“You can come to my commiseration dinner tonight. It’s at Chin Yen at six.”
“Gee, that sounds great. We can pickle the bastards as we drink our ale. Oh, sorry. I don’t mean to make your bad day seem trivial.”
Jenna laughed. “You didn’t. Thanks for helping me feel better.”
“I’d better get back,” he said as he brought the other box in from the front stoop. “See you tonight.”
“See you tonight. And thanks.”
To pass the time until she could call her mom , she packed a bag for the weekend. At five-thirty, she was reaching for the phone, when it rang, startling her. She picked it up.
“Hello.”
“Is this Jenna Holden?”
“Yes.”
“This is Officer Parker from the Roseburg PD.”
“Yes. What can I do for you?”
“I’m sorry to tell you that your mother’s been in a terrible car accident. Can you come as soon as possible? She’s just gone by ambulance to the hospital.”
“What? What was that you said?”
“You’re mother has been in a terrible accident and is in the hospital.”
“No. It can’t be. Oh, God in heaven, Mom.”
“I’m so sorry Miss Holden. Can you drive yourself here or is there someone who can drive for you?”
“What? No.”
“Do you want us to arrange for a State Policeman or a friend to drive you down?”
“Um.” This was too much. She finally collapsed into a dreamlike comatose state. She made some reply, and the officer answered back, but his voice came to her through a fog. After she hung up she had no idea what they’d agreed upon. All she could do was sit in stunned silence, her head spinning.
Some time later, Jenna had no idea how much time had passed, her cell phone rang. The sound was distant, as if coming from another room. For some reason, she couldn’t make her hands work well enough to pick it up. When it rang for the umpteeth time, she finally managed to pick it up. It was Joan.
“Hey, where are you? We’re all getting drunk waiting for the guest of honor.”
“Oh, Joan,” Jenna couldn’t hold back the flood of tears.
“Sweetie, what’s the matter?”
“It’s mom. She’s been in a terrible accident.”
“Oh, man! I’m coming right over.” Jenna could hear the gang in the background asking questions.
“Okay. Thanks.” Jenna heard the end call beep and let the phone fall onto the table near her chair. She didn’t move until the door bell chimed. “Come in,” she tried to shout.
Then Joan was by her side. “Oh sweetie, you’ve had one of the worst days in history. I told the gang, and Ben. Their praying for you and your mom.”
“Thanks.”
“Let me get you some water. I bet you’re dehydrated.” Joan knew where everything was in Jenna’s kitchen, since she and Ben had cooked with her on lonely nights, when Sam wasn’t home. Bringing back a large glass of water, she handed it to Jenna. “Drink it all. You need it.”
Jenna did as she was told taking lots of little sips.
“Tell me what happened.”
“I don’t know exactly. I was reaching for the phone to call mom, when the Roseburg P.D. called and said she’d been in a car accident and that she’d been sent to the hospital.”
“Is someone coming for you?”
“I don’t know. I kind of blanked out once I got the news. I think so, but I don’t know.”
“Who can we call?”
“Naomi.”
“Okay, give me your phone.” She checked Jenna’s contacts and found Naomi’s number. “Hello, Naomi? This is Joan.” Joan and Naomi had hit it off the moment they’d met at a Thanksgiving or Christmas gathering when Jenna had taken Joan home from college to meet her mother, Ella Holden. “Yeah, well, she’s in shock about more than just that. Yeah, we’ll tell you when you get here. Okay, so we’ll see you in about an hour. I will. Goodbye.” Joan ended the call and set the phone beside Jenna. “How you feeling? Any better?”
“A little. Thanks for the water. I needed that.”
“That’s okay. Now, I’m gonna to fix you something to eat.”
“No, I couldn’t eat a thing.”
“Just some soup. You can get that down.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Good. Come with me.” Joan helped Jenna out of the chair and guided her to the kitchen.
Plopping down at the table, Jenna took a deep breath and started to talk, “You know, when Sam ended it this morning, part of me thought, good riddance. But another part of me felt like I was damaged goods. I couldn’t help thinking about all those other failed relationships. And that I’ve got to figure out why every one of them failed. Then when Mr. Drayton fired me, I felt even worse. When I got the call about mom, my brain shut down. I can’t see any reason for all this happening on one day. My mind’s a muddle. I can’t think.”
“I know, Sweetie. I don’t see it either. Right now you’ve just got to take it one step at a time. You’ve had a really bad day. It’s gonna take some time to sift through the rubble.” Joan set the soup and a box of crackers in front of Jenna. Then set the kettle to boil.
“I know you’re right, but right now I feel like one exposed nerve.”
“Oh, Honey, I wish I could change that for you,” Joan put her hand over Jenna’s. “For now, just eat.”
They sat in silence until Jenna finished the soup. Joan took the bowl and plate, rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. The kettle whistle blew. Joan poured water over the bag of green tea and set the cup in front of Jenna. Sitting down opposite her, she took one of Jenna’s hands. “You know I’m here for you if you need me. I’ll call Ben and tell him I’m going with you.”
Jenna took a deep breath, “That’s so nice of you, but let me go see what’s happening. If the worst happens… I might need you to help me close up things here.
“Don’t think like that. She’s gonna be fine. But leaving me the extra key just in case is a good idea.”
“Sam’s and the extra one are on the key rack by the door.”
“Okay. I’ll get it when I leave. Do you need me to pack for you?”
“I started packing before I got the call. I was going home for the weekend.”
“Bring your cup and we’ll see what needs to be done.”
Jenna followed Joan upstairs to the master bedroom. The small suitcase was open on the bed. “I don’t think this’ll be enough in case you need to stay longer,” Joan said.
“Oh, a second bag.”
“I’ll get it. You just tell me what to pack.”
“I don’t know, jeans and shirts and, I don’t know. I can’t think right now.”
“Okay, I’ll take care of it.” Joan got out the extra suitcase, then gathered things she thought Jenna would need for a couple of weeks. When she was finished, they each took a bag downstairs and put them near the door. It was half past eight.
“Shouldn’t Naomi be getting here soon?” Joan asked.
“I don’t know what time she left, and it’s Friday night. Traffic could be bad on I-5.
Just then the door bell rang. They both jumped. Jenna went to answer the door. There stood Naomi, looking like a painting with her batiked shawl over flowing red slacks and tunic style shirt. Naomi reminded Jenna of a brightly colored butterfly. No matter where she went, people stopped to stare. She was small in stature, but big on personality, and every room she entered was illuminated by her presence. She enfolded Jenna a big hug. “Oh, Honey.” They stood like that for awhile. “Hi, Joan. I’m glad you’re here. And Jenna I see you’re all packed. Good, let’s hit the road.”
Taking the bags out to Naomi’s car, Joan said, “Keep me posted. You’ve got my number don’t you?” she asked Naomi. “Call anytime day or night.”
With her arm around Jenna, she directed her to the car. “Yep. I’ll call when we know something,” Naomi said.
“Thanks.” Joan hugged Jenna. “Take care of yourself. We’re all praying for you.”
“I know. Tell the gang thanks.” Jenna got in the car.
After she closed the door, Naomi said to Joan,“Quick, tell me, what else’s happened.”
“Sam left and Mr. Drayton fired her today.”
“Oh, my… Okay. Thanks. Gotta go. It’s bad.”
“I thought so. I’ll lock up.”
Naomi got into the car. Jenna turned and looked at Joan standing on the steps to the apartment.
Once on the road, Naomi told Jenna all she learned about Ella’s accident from the police. All Jenna really heard was that her mom was alive. Somehow that made her feel a little better. I’ll nurse her back to health. She clung to that thought. It was what kept her going after a day of so many shocks.
“This has been the worst day of my life.”
“Now, don’t say that. Your mom will most likely pull through.”
“I know. What I mean is that Sam broke our engagement and I was laid off today.”
“I know. Joan told me. Honey, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. I’m glad Joan came over. I really needed to talk. Though I didn’t know what to say.”
“We’ll get you back home and get through this crisis. Then you can figure out what to do about your future.”
That was Naomi. She was Jenna’s second mom. What would I do without her?
The rest of the ride was a blur. They rode in silence. Jenna was exhausted. She wanted to sleep and forget, yet she was keyed up. Her life was suspended in a nebulous no-man’s land with her confidence severely shaken. How was she going to cope? The accident was bad, Naomi’d said. She couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her mother. Ella was like an anchor holding her in reality. If her mother died, she thought she might fly away never to be heard of again? With her mother gone, she’d be a complete orphan with no roots. When they pulled up into the hospital parking lot, Jenna was surprised. Her mind had been rolling on a treadmill, like a hamster in a cage, going over and over the events of this devastating day. Would she ever be happy again?
Her senses were on overload. Everything that’d happened that day was imprinted on her mind in short video-like segments.
Sam’s expression of contempt when he told her he wanted to break their engagement. Then having the audacity to ask for the ring back.
Mr. Dayton’s face when he told her she was fired.
Telling her team she’d been let go.
Joan and her team at the elevator making plans for a commiseration dinner.
The boat out on the Willamette as she heard the news about her mother.
Joan sitting across from her as she ate soup.
Naomi coming to pick her up.
Even though she was now walking toward the hospital, her brain continued to record short segments starting with Naomi saying, “She’s in intensive care, Honey. Come on, the gang’s here.”
Her mother’s friends in the waiting room.
So many dear friends’ faces flashing through her memory.
Ross, her mother’s first boss, and his wife Charlotte.
Gabby, her mother’s friend from high school.
Reverend Peter, and his wife Marsha.
Fuzzy faces of a couple of people she didn’t know.
Feeling her friends surround and embrace her.
Reverend Peter saying, “Let me take you to see her.”
The corridor to her room. The floor undulating like a wave when he said, “I want to warn you, she doesn’t look like herself.”
Her mother lying on the bed, deep lacerations on her face.
The bandage on her mother’s head, and the cast on her left arm, the tent over her left leg.
The sob that escaped when she knew her mother wasn’t going to make it.
Sitting in the chair by her mother’s bed. Taking her mother’s hand.
Her mother’s calm expressionless face.
The machines clicking and beeping.
Saying, “Mom, I’m here. I love you.” The distinct feeling her mother was already gone.
The Doctor coming in. Peter introducing him. “Jenna, this is Dr. Naiobi. He was here when your mother was brought in. He’d like to talk to you.”
Dr. Naiobi’s young concerned face. His dark hair and chocolate eyes with the smile lines at their corners.
His voice coming from a great distance. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news…condition is very grave…she’s had surgery…damage to her internal organs…severe head trauma…we don’t know if she’ll recover…an injury like your mother’s, the patient did recover fully…lots of care…scan results to come in…what would you like to do if she’s brain dead?”
Here the video got fuzzy. She didn’t remember at all what he said after that.
Saying to Dr. Naiobi, “Thank you for being honest with me.”
Dr. Naiobi, putting his hand on her arm, as he left.
The look on her mother’s friends’ faces when the Doctor told them the test results were conclusive. Her mother was brain dead.
Signing the papers.
The increasing silence as each machine was turned off.
The group of friends gathered around her mother’s bed holding hands and Jenna in a cocoon.
Saying goodbye.
Leaving the hospital.
Being guided to a bed.
Oblivion.
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