Benidorm Bared

 

We all know that Flatcap is an expert on disastrous UK holidays, but he does travel further afield. Here are a few observations on his recent trip to Benidorm.

This old couple were making their way onto the beach. He’s pushing a rollator, which is a kind of shopping and support trolley for disabled people. She following, towing a normal trolley with two metal framed decked chairs strapped onto it. He gets onto the sands, she’s still on the promenade. She clips a lamppost, her deck chairs fall off the trolley and gets tangled up in the securing straps. She’s struggling to pick them up, he comes back to give her a hand, and he forgets to put the brake on his rollator. Neither has a clue what they’re doing and in the meantime, the rollator goes on its way… travelling the wrong way along a one-way street. Fortunately some bloke caught the rollator otherwise it’d have been halfway to Alicante.

I’d have helped, too but I was too busy rolling on the floor laughing.

We came back to the hotel one night and there was bloke on the floor below, fast asleep, his window and blinds open, showing his wedding tackle to the rest of the world. Her Indoors was very impressed, but I told her “it’s not what you’ve got it’s how you use it,” and she said, “How would you know?”

I watched this woman on the sands wrap a beach skirt round her waist, take off her bikini bottoms, and she then sat there for ten minutes, smoking a cigarette before she put her knickers on. As far as I could judge, she had her knees open giving anyone who happened to look a fine view, not so much of next week’s washing but the lack of it. It was disgusting, but she had her back to me, and I couldn’t get to the front quick enough for another blackmail picture. And her knickers were lime green with red flowers on. What kind of woman wears lime green, flowery panties? The trollop. They didn’t match her bra cos she wasn’t wearing one.

Benidorm always lives up to its reputation; full of stag and hen parties. The women go round manhunting in gangs, so maybe the bloke flashing his crown jewels was just advertising. Even I got propositioned. I had to move three times before the woman came onto me, and of course, I politely declined.

I had to.

United were live on the telly

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If you’d rather listen to this post on, click here and hear the lad himself tell you all about it.

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