Venus is a lonely place.

I spent most of the weekend hunkered down behind the sofa as we fought off marauding aliens. It is difficult to sustain effective suppressive fire in front of the defensive position when your arsenal consists of antique, contemporary and imaginary toy weapons: we were taking a lot of casualties. Fortunately, we had plenty magic revival juice so the boys could keep going. There was little chance of reviving a flagging dad, however, because the espresso machine is in the kitchen which was completely overrun by giant, flesh eating, cyclops, zombie aliens and those dudes are some bad boy spacemen.

I suggested we defend forward to execute a more fluid concept of operations, so we took the fight outside where we saw some real aliens.
"That's my friend, Gemma," said one of the boys. "She's not an alien!"
"Of course she is, she's from Venus."
"Are all girls aliens, Daddy?"
"Yes, they bring a strange fruit which makes all men sinners. Once you've tasted it you'll be forever enslaved."
"What sort of fruit?"
"It's warm and soft and they usually have two. The bigger the fruit that she offers, the more likely you are to sin."
"How do we protect ourselves?"
"There's no protection , my son, God made us vulnerable to temptation to sustain humanity. Men used to find sanctuary in old age but then The Tree of Knowledge began to bear a different fruit that was small and blue and made men susceptible to the persuasion of Eve long after is natural."

"What shall we do, then, the pop guns are not working; there's too many of them." My eldest boy looked concerned, and with good reason for the aliens at school seem to like him. I share his fear and worry about what will happen if one of my sons gets abducted by aliens. I have twice been to Venus and found it a lonely place for a man.
"Let's switch to water pistols," I said. "Aliens don't like to be squirted."

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Trouble-Girls...