SEPIA3PO'S LIST OF DEMANDS

A MAN WHO LOVES THE BEACH BUYS BEACHFRONT PROPERTY, ONLY TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE CURSING THE OCEAN, BECAUSE THE MAN WHO LOVES THE BEACH IS ALSO THE MAN WHO HATES THE OCEAN

HOW GOOD WOULD IT FEEL TO MAKE THIS TIME A SUNTORY TIME?

THERE ARE BABY BIRDS WITHIN 25 FEET OF ME NOW

I WILL NOT SEARCH FOR THESE BIRDS, OPTING TO LET THEM BE UNMOLESTED AND TO ENJOY THEIR SHRIEKING

HOW GOOD WOULD IT FEEL TO BE ABDUCTED BY THE EMPTY SKY

O ON THE PELICAN CAROUSEL I AM WEARING CORDUROYS BECAUSE I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A PEP TALK

PEPPING YOU UP JUST PEPPING YOU UP

PEPPING YOU UP FOR LIFE

AS IF THE BABY IS NOT EATING ME

AS IF WADDLING TOO DEEP INTO THE THICKET MEANS NOW SO THE THICKET

A CAVE GIVES BIRTH TO A BABY CAVE, WHICH IMMEDIATELY BECOMES A MEMORY TO THE MUCH LARGER MAMA CAVE

BUT THEN AGAIN WHAT OF MY OWN LIFE HAS NOT BEEN THROWN LIKE MEMORY CAVE AGAINST THE FOUNDATION OF MY NEW HOME

WHERE PIXELDUST IS MADE IN THE EMPTY DESK SPACE BEHIND ME

WHERE I WATERED THE PLANTS AND THEN IT RAINED

I WATCHED THE SUN GATHER MOSS

I SOUGHT OUT THE BABY BIRDS TO MOLEST THEM WITH MY CAMERA BUT I FOUND ONLY AN EMPTY NEST

I AM SORRY IF I HAVE MOLESTED THE TRUTH FROM ALL OF THIS

BUT THE YARD MUST NOW BE BURIED AND THE FAMILY DOG MUST STARE AT THE THREATENED WREN AND PISS

AND THE SMOKE DETECTOR MALFUNCTIONS BECAUSE IT IS FILLED WITH ANTS

WHAT HAS BEEN CONQUERED OF MY LIFE PRINTED OUT, STUFFED INTO A PLASTIC BAG AND PULVERIZED BY RAIN FOR A WEEK AT THE FOOT OF THE RICH DOCTOR’S DRIVEWAY 

IT IS NOT A SUNTORY TIME

"EVERYTHING IS SOMETHING ELSE" BUMPER STICKER

VS.

"PRO-DEATH" BUMPER STICKER

FIRST OFF AND ANOTHER THING WALK INTO AN EMPTY, CROWDED BAR

YOUR GAG REFLEX AGOG COME WITHER ANON

NOW CROWS FILL THE TREE TO THE EAST

THOUGHT TO TEXT MY WIFE, “DID IT RAIN ALL DAY?”

FOLLOWED BY “75% OF MY DRIVE WAS IN DOWNPOUR”

I WILL COME I WILL ARRIVE I WILL MEET EVERY CHALLENGE AND THEN FORGET THE CHALLENGE’S NAME BECAUSE ALL THESE CHALLENGES LOOK ALIKE AND HAVE SIMILAR-SOUNDING NAMES

IT’S A CLEAR SKY, I THINK THE RAIN COULD STAND TO BE WETTER

AND THE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH LETS IT GO TO HIS HEAD