James Patterson Broke His Brain
Typically, I don't enjoy fisking people. It's too easy to take a statement, or even a sentence, out of context. It's a practice often used by people who are professionally outraged. You know the ones I'm talking about - they're always on the news, their faces red, blathering on about how insulting someone is.
But, fisking is what I'm about to do. A Brant Rant is needed. I read an article about James Patterson's speech at the Book Expo America yesterday. What a dick bag. If you want to read a much better version of what I'm about to say, then check out J.A. Konrath's version of this. He be, like, way smrter than me, and stuff.
Still here? Good. Time for me to lay into the world's bestselling author. His words are italicized.
I'm trying to get people to focus on the perilous future of books in this country. And that future is happening right now, this year. There is an evolution/revolution going on and it affects everybody who reads, everybody who writes, everybody who publishes books.
-Perilous future? You mean the one where people are reading more than ever? The revolution in publishing has caused prices to come down, buying to be easier, and helped more authors pay their bills with writing. Oh, the horror. Someone do something!
Small bookstores are being shuttered, book chains are closing, libraries are having serious trouble getting funding, especially school libraries.
-I call bullshit on small bookstores being shuttered. More indie bookstores are opening than closing and their sales are going up. By 'book chains', he means Barnes & Noble. Wait, so we should be rooting for B&N now? Does anyone remember the '90's when they were the 'devil' because they were running small bookstores out of business? No one has seen You've Got Mail? They're heroes now?
Or, maybe, it's that dumb asses don't like change. If 'book chains' want to remain relevant, then they need to adapt to the times. Crying that Amazon does it better is pathetic. Boo-fucking-hoo.
Every publisher and the people who work in these publishing houses is feeling a great deal of pain and stress. If we don't fix those problems, the quality of American literature is going to suffer.
-'Every horse breeder and the people who work in the stables is feeling a great deal of pain and stress. If we don't fix those problems, the quality of American transportation is going to suffer.' - I wonder if this is what Patterson would have said after Henry Ford put his boot on the throat of the horse and buggy industry.
I'd like you to think about this, and I'd like the press to think about this: Publishers are not terribly profitable. If those profits are further diminished, publishers will produce less serious literature.
-Is there any wonder that I called Patterson a dick bag? Simon and Schuster had record profits last year. Same with Random House in 2012. In fact, in the first six months of last year, all but one of the six big publishers had their profits go up. Not terribly profitable? I need to pull my boots up because the bullshit is getting really, really deep.
Even if this was true, which it isn't, who gives a shit? Authors can self publish and make even more money. Why should I care if a middleman goes under?
And that's one of the reasons why right now, the future of our literature is in danger. I will say that there are no clear-cut villains — yet — but there are no heroes either, and I think it's important that major players involved in publishing, as well as the press, and our government, step up and take responsibility for the future of our literature and the part it plays in our culture.
-More people are reading more books and companies have record profits, but literature is in danger... I bet Patterson has some ocean-front property in Kentucky he's willing to sell you.
Anyone who has read my books or my blog knows the disdain I have for the government. The idea that they could be involved in the book business has my head close to exploding. It's also interesting that he doesn't say what they need to do, just that they need to take responsibility for it.
Amazon also, as you know, wants to control book selling, book buying, and even book publishing, and that is a national tragedy.
-Oh, for fuck's sake. School shootings are a national tragedy. Terrorist attacks are a national tragedy. The Ravens winning the Super Bowl is a national tragedy. Amazon selling a shit load of books with cheap prices, fast shipping, and a killer recommendation system isn't a tragedy.
See? Dick bag. He might as well start screaming 'Merica!
If this is to be the new American way, then maybe it has to be changed, by law if necessary, immediately, if not sooner.
-Wait, he did scream 'merica! Bring on the government! They make everything better!...Immediately, if not sooner? What the hell does that even mean? The government should send Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time and stop Amazon?
It really grosses me out to hear authors talking about publishers like they're some kind positive force. They've been bending authors over the barrel for decades. I'm not some kind of Amazon cheerleader, don't get me wrong, but saying that the best book-selling company of all time is an evil force destroying the industry is just stupid.
Do you think that, maybe, Patterson wants things to stay the same because the system has made him super rich? Nah, it has to be because Amazon is EVIL and publishers are GOOD.
Just for shits and giggles, let's extend Patterson's logic to his sales. One in seventeen hardcover novels sold in the U.S. is from James Patterson. That's hurting midlist and part-time authors. Patterson wants to control the book-writing business and that's a national tragedy. The government needs to step in and take some responsibility. Stephen King and John Grisham, and the people working for them, are hurting and stressed. Compared to Patterson, they're hardly profitable. If their profits are diminished, they might produce less literature. We need to change the law, immediately, if not sooner.
Douche.
But, fisking is what I'm about to do. A Brant Rant is needed. I read an article about James Patterson's speech at the Book Expo America yesterday. What a dick bag. If you want to read a much better version of what I'm about to say, then check out J.A. Konrath's version of this. He be, like, way smrter than me, and stuff.
Still here? Good. Time for me to lay into the world's bestselling author. His words are italicized.
I'm trying to get people to focus on the perilous future of books in this country. And that future is happening right now, this year. There is an evolution/revolution going on and it affects everybody who reads, everybody who writes, everybody who publishes books.
-Perilous future? You mean the one where people are reading more than ever? The revolution in publishing has caused prices to come down, buying to be easier, and helped more authors pay their bills with writing. Oh, the horror. Someone do something!
Small bookstores are being shuttered, book chains are closing, libraries are having serious trouble getting funding, especially school libraries.
-I call bullshit on small bookstores being shuttered. More indie bookstores are opening than closing and their sales are going up. By 'book chains', he means Barnes & Noble. Wait, so we should be rooting for B&N now? Does anyone remember the '90's when they were the 'devil' because they were running small bookstores out of business? No one has seen You've Got Mail? They're heroes now?
Or, maybe, it's that dumb asses don't like change. If 'book chains' want to remain relevant, then they need to adapt to the times. Crying that Amazon does it better is pathetic. Boo-fucking-hoo.
Every publisher and the people who work in these publishing houses is feeling a great deal of pain and stress. If we don't fix those problems, the quality of American literature is going to suffer.
-'Every horse breeder and the people who work in the stables is feeling a great deal of pain and stress. If we don't fix those problems, the quality of American transportation is going to suffer.' - I wonder if this is what Patterson would have said after Henry Ford put his boot on the throat of the horse and buggy industry.
I'd like you to think about this, and I'd like the press to think about this: Publishers are not terribly profitable. If those profits are further diminished, publishers will produce less serious literature.
-Is there any wonder that I called Patterson a dick bag? Simon and Schuster had record profits last year. Same with Random House in 2012. In fact, in the first six months of last year, all but one of the six big publishers had their profits go up. Not terribly profitable? I need to pull my boots up because the bullshit is getting really, really deep.
Even if this was true, which it isn't, who gives a shit? Authors can self publish and make even more money. Why should I care if a middleman goes under?
And that's one of the reasons why right now, the future of our literature is in danger. I will say that there are no clear-cut villains — yet — but there are no heroes either, and I think it's important that major players involved in publishing, as well as the press, and our government, step up and take responsibility for the future of our literature and the part it plays in our culture.
-More people are reading more books and companies have record profits, but literature is in danger... I bet Patterson has some ocean-front property in Kentucky he's willing to sell you.
Anyone who has read my books or my blog knows the disdain I have for the government. The idea that they could be involved in the book business has my head close to exploding. It's also interesting that he doesn't say what they need to do, just that they need to take responsibility for it.
Amazon also, as you know, wants to control book selling, book buying, and even book publishing, and that is a national tragedy.
-Oh, for fuck's sake. School shootings are a national tragedy. Terrorist attacks are a national tragedy. The Ravens winning the Super Bowl is a national tragedy. Amazon selling a shit load of books with cheap prices, fast shipping, and a killer recommendation system isn't a tragedy.
See? Dick bag. He might as well start screaming 'Merica!
If this is to be the new American way, then maybe it has to be changed, by law if necessary, immediately, if not sooner.
-Wait, he did scream 'merica! Bring on the government! They make everything better!...Immediately, if not sooner? What the hell does that even mean? The government should send Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time and stop Amazon?
It really grosses me out to hear authors talking about publishers like they're some kind positive force. They've been bending authors over the barrel for decades. I'm not some kind of Amazon cheerleader, don't get me wrong, but saying that the best book-selling company of all time is an evil force destroying the industry is just stupid.
Do you think that, maybe, Patterson wants things to stay the same because the system has made him super rich? Nah, it has to be because Amazon is EVIL and publishers are GOOD.
Just for shits and giggles, let's extend Patterson's logic to his sales. One in seventeen hardcover novels sold in the U.S. is from James Patterson. That's hurting midlist and part-time authors. Patterson wants to control the book-writing business and that's a national tragedy. The government needs to step in and take some responsibility. Stephen King and John Grisham, and the people working for them, are hurting and stressed. Compared to Patterson, they're hardly profitable. If their profits are diminished, they might produce less literature. We need to change the law, immediately, if not sooner.
Douche.
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