Artisans being artisanal

I’m not sure when it happened, but a few years ago a new bandwagon came through town and everyone jumped on it. Organic food was in, handmade was deemed better than mass-produced, and terms like natural and handmade became marketing buzzwords.

The current use of artisan and artisanal in advertising was a natural result of this trend, but few could have predicted the heights of idiocy it would reach.

Those words, meaning handmade or produced individually by some artistic process, originally suggested a superior alternative to factory-made goods. Now they’re applied to items that have always been created by hand. In fact, it’s hard to imagine producing them any other way. A restaurant in San Francisco announces artisanal toast. That’s right, the bread is sliced by hand, some kind of spread is applied by hand, and it is placed in a toasting device…all by hand! Hard to believe, I know. Obviously it has to taste better than ordinary toast, made in a factory, the kind we all grew up on.

A national fast-food chain, known for its 30-minute delivery guarantee, advertises artisan pizza. If it’s so painstakingly hand-crafted, I wonder if they still guarantee it will reach you in half an hour. Do the guys make it in the car, on the way to your house? And what’s that other stuff they’ve been delivering to us all these years?

An upscale bar advertises artisanal cocktails, mixed while you watch and garnished with fruits and vegetables organically grown and sliced by hand. Thank goodness we don’t have to get our martinis and margaritas out of that impersonal vending machine anymore.

For a dry, funny take on the overuse of artisan and artisanal, check out a book called “How to Sharpen Pencils”, by David Rees. Everything you ever wanted to know—and more—about the art of sharpening pencils by hand. Mr. Reese will even artisanally sharpen a pencil and send it back to you for a hefty price. But you must expect to pay for such quality and craftsmanship, right?

And that brings me to advertising. I see lots of ads created by people who have no idea what artisanal—let alone words like bespoke, charcuterie, or luthier—mean. In order to understand whether your product is truly artisanal, do a little research before throwing the word around in an expensive ad. Are you offering a true alternative to something mass-produced? Maybe other words would describe your product or service better and more accurately.

Savvy customers recognize hype when they see it nowadays, especially since everyone claims to be an artisan and every product is a work of art. So are you selling something that’s better than its factory-made counterparts with consistent processes, measured tolerances, and mass-production economy? I want a car that was made in a factory. Even if I trusted it, I couldn’t afford a car made entirely by hand.

At least, if you choose to use the words artisan or artisanal, get it right. Today I saw a magazine ad for a hairstylist who describes herself as a “Manhattan Hair Artesian.” A large, expensive ad ($1600 per placement—I looked it up), and she’s going to give you a hairdo that looks like a natural spring? Water spouting out the top of your head? Or is water spouting out the top of her head? Either way…

Thank goodness it’s not one of those hairstyles that rolls off the assembly line just like everyone else’s. And, unlike other stylists, she’s going to style your hair by hand. The services are probably expensive, but she (not some robotic arm) is actually going to hold the shears and the blow dryer. And misspelled or not, someone has to pay for those artesianal ads.

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