Guys Don't Understand Chocolate

The other day I was at an office and asked an IT guy, who had come over to fix my computer, if he wanted a piece of chocolate. He said, "No thanks, I just had lunch."

Yesterday, I asked my husband if he wanted a bite of my chocolate cake. "No thanks, I'm full after dinner."

What is wrong with these people? Does having a penis mean you make no sense?

Wait...it probably does.

But still, who says no because they aren't hungry? The only time I eat chocolate when I am hungry is when I have absolutely no other choice. My stomach is growling, I cannot leave to go make/get something, I can't even scrounge up a morsel of bread, and the only option to keep myself from fainting due to low blood sugar is to eat the chocolate bar I had been saving for a special occasion.

(Special occasion = times when I am not hungry and need chocolate)

Eating chocolate when you're hungry takes all the fun out of it. You're not supposed to need chocolate, you're supposed to want it. And when you are older, and stressed, and probably overweight, it is when you override your logic, and your diet, and your good sense, and give in to the craving for it.

And let's talk about their complete blasé attitude to turning down chocolate. Chocolate!

When someone offers me chocolate, lately (since I am supposed to be dieting), I do turn it down as often as humanly possible. But it's always a fight, both with my inner chocolate demons, and with the offerer. Unless the offerer is a guy!

If that's the case, he'd probably ask if I wanted any. I'd say, oh no. No, I shouldn't. Then he'd say, are you sure? And I would say yes (although I wasn't). He'd leave it at that. And let's be honest--you kind of hoped he'd push so you could give in and label it his fault.

If a woman asked, however, she'd see the weakness. She'd see the desire, and sense the indecision, and she'd push. (I've been a pusher, I know!)


So my end of the conversation would sound like-- oh no, I shouldn't. No, seriously--honestly, I'm dieting. I really shouldn't--I know its just one piece, but honestly. No, no, it's okay. Seriously. No--haha! Yeah, dieting sucks. Nope, I'm good. Thanks.

After you successfully turn the asker down, you feel like you're letting the team down. Now she has to eat it, knowing she should probably refuse, too, lest another five pounds find her hips. But she wants that danged chocolate, and now you've just thrown her a side of guilt because you're not going to partake. It just breaks your heart, in addition to not getting to eat that chocolate.

The next time you are asked it gets slightly more intense. This time you'll have the chocolate! The pushers make sure of it. They try harder to break you. To get you on board. Because, yes, it is mostly worth it. And delicious--oh my god, how can you refuse??

If you can still refuse, somehow, you are cast away as a lost cause, thereby rendering you not totally a woman, and somehow not in the clutches off chocolate. This helps the guilt of those eating it, of course. I've also been there...


That is, until you slip that one day. That one day where your mouth sees that chocolate (a mouth seeing is only possible with desserts, of course), and starts to salivate, and you've been good all week, and you just want one little taste.

Game on!! If you can be swayed, your battle to refuse the next time turns way back up to critical level. You're screwed.

Through all this, though--this intense battle of chocolate desire-- the male counterpart in the room shrugs. Nah, he says, I just ate lunch, I'm good.

He just doesn't understand chocolate--that has to be the reason.