We're having a pity party, and you're invited!

A friend of mine was put in a position a while back where their trust was betrayed. It wasn't a big betrayal, and it wasn't about something vital. But a betrayal, however small, still hurts. This particular one bothered this person enough that they decided they would try and work it out with their friend. 

The conversation did not go well. 

The friend made several assumptions, and, toward the end of the conversation, had turned the whole thing around. Suddenly, it was all about them, how they had not gotten the things they wanted out of life, followed by a list. A list. They had a list. 

To make matters even more interesting, this list was an air of grievances against the person whom they had betrayed. The person they'd betrayed had gotten most, if not all, of the things on that list. The betrayal was turned on its head, and was not only not their fault, but the fault of the person who felt betrayed. 

This made me angry. I told my friend that she should end the conversation by saying they had missed the point, made it all about them, and that she wouldn't talk about it anymore. 

This isn't about the grievances between my friend and her friend. This is about the kind of attitude I saw in this exchange. 

You should not bring up past hurts to excuse your behavior, or in an effort to make others feel guilty. Especially when you could have acted to change the circumstances around those failures. 

Come on, people. 

Life is difficult. No one gets everything they want. Get over it. 

A loss, or not getting something you want, is not an excuse for you to hold a grudge and whip it out like a "pity-me" card whenever you feel threatened. 

I've had experiences where I didn't get what I wanted. Those experiences will color my life until it ends. But I do not, now or ever, believe that those losses entitled me to not have to deal with consequences in other areas of my life. 

I've been wronged in the past, but I can't call those wrongs in like a debt to my friends or family. Those wrongs are not an excuse that allows me to escape responsibility for my actions.  

Get over yourselves, people. You probably heard this before, but I'll say it again: the world doesn't revolve around you. 

If you've been hurt, then you need to let it go. If it's affecting you years later to this extent, then you need to figure it out, because that's not healthy. It's not healthy for your friends or family, and it's certainly not healthy for you. 

I see this attitude all over the place. It's prevalent, and it's annoying. Things in the past make people feel like victims. 

African Americans were faced with persecution and slavery because of the color of their skin. That was wrong. The way they were treated was wrong. I'm not arguing that. 

I am saying, however, that it was a long time ago. That kind of persecution doesn't exist in America anymore. Owning anyone is against the law. The kind of behavior towards another person that made slavery so terrible is illegal. 

Are there still racists? Yup. And I can tell you right now, there always will be. Racism isn't just about minority groups. Do they get the brunt of it? Perhaps. But racism isn't limited to just black people. Anyone who voted for President Obama because they wanted a black president essentially said they didn't vote for the "other guy" because he was white. They discriminated against a white man, because they wanted a black man. 

Yes, they were treated badly in the past. But that doesn't mean the rest of us should have to pay for it generations down the line. Yes, you were treated badly in your past. That doesn't make you a special case. You still have to work just as hard as everyone else. You can't pin your own hurts on the rest of the world and expect them to cater to you. Your hurts are your hurts. If they're still bothering you, get the help you need to move past it, and stop making others pay for them. 

Is it wrong to want to be treated the same as everyone else? Nope. That's something everyone deserves. But what if I told you that for every race there is in the world, there's someone that hates it and will discriminate against it? To be just like everyone else, that means dealing with such behavior. 

Is it wrong to want good things? No, of course not. But making others feel guilty because they got those things and you did not? No. That's not okay. 

I have Native American blood in me. Could I rant and rave about the "white man" and what they did to my people? Sure. But I don't. For several reasons. One, I'm not exactly full-blood Indian, despite the fact that my tribe would consider me one. Two, the people that killed off the Native Americans are long dead. None of them persecuted me personally, and I have just as much opportunity to make my life great here as those who have no Native American blood in them. It just takes hard work. If I'm discriminated against at work, I'll have to put up with it, or suck it up and find another job. 

I'm not entitled to millions of dollars just because of my heritage. I'm not entitled to preferential treatment because people a hundred years ago that I'm related to were persecuted. And to scream racism because we haven't had a Native American president is ridiculous. Will people discriminate against me? Probably. Is that a reason to flip out at the slightest sign of it? Uh, no. 

You should all be treated with respect. Everyone is due a certain amount of respect based entirely on the fact that they're people with thoughts and feelings. People should not be dismissed entirely because of the color of their skin. But before you assume that's what's happening to you, think about other factors. Don't just assume you're being persecuted or singled out because of your race. Don't just assume you're being attacked. 

And please, please, please, please, don't act the victim. You're not some weakling with no power. If you don't like your situation at work, then start looking for another job. If you live in a place where lots of people are discriminatory, move. It won't be easy for most people, but if you feel that badly about it, don't you think it would be worth it? 

The world is not about you. The world at large doesn't care about your worries, or your fears. Foisting your griefs on others, making them pay for something you didn't get...it's selfish. It's also a short trip to the neighborhood pity-party. And we all know that the only person that goes to those is the one throwing it. 

So, might you have reason to feel bad? Sure. In fact, let's assume you do. Say you have every reason in the world to feel bad or persecuted. Say you really have been persecuted, and terribly. 

Then ask this: Is feeling sorry for yourself or playing the victim really going to help you?