Fovos

Fovos (Greek): 

~ Noun: 

Fear, apprehension, dread, scare, fearfulness
Someday, I will cause a problem I can't fix. Someday, I'll go to cross the street and forget to look both ways. Someday, the fact that I've never broken a bone might change. Someday, there will be someone I love in a position that I can't make better. Someday, I will have to say goodbye to the people I love the most. 

These are all fears. 

I'm assailed by fears constantly, and I think if you're honest with yourself, you'll find the same thing is true for you. 

I'm afraid that the things I love about my life will go away. That things I don't like about myself and my life will become more prominent. Afraid that my job will vanish, that I won't be able to find a new one and keep it. Afraid that people won't like me. Afraid that they'll have good reason not to like me. Afraid that I'll have to leave home. Afraid that I'll lose friends. Afraid that I'll lose family. 

Put simply, I am afraid of change. 

I'm not unique in this. People in general dislike the idea of change. We don't know if the change will be good, so we cling to the things we know, even if they're not the best. We avoid change, and our lives stagnate. I've seen this happen. Because of fear, people refuse to act to change something they are unhappy with. 

If you've ever been in a miserable situation, you probably experienced periods of hopelessness - and a lot of fear. I'm not talking something like you don't get along with a coworker as well as you'd like, or you don't want the job you have. I mean something damaging. Something like abuse, or refusing to move to find work because you're afraid. 

In a miserable situation, you probably knew you didn't want things to stay the way they were, but you were afraid to take action to change them. Because to do that, you had to take a chance. You had to risk the comfort of the known to go after the uncertainty of the unknown. 

I've been in situations like that before. And it's frightening. 

But in some of those situations, I had a choice. I could choose to do nothing, and suffer. Or I could act, face my fears, and endure something that could very well have been less painful. 

I know a lot of people who would choose to suffer. I've done it myself in the past. But there was one time when I'd suffered enough. 

There was a guy I really liked. And I'd been watching as he dated other women. It was really hard on me, in a lot of different ways. I had decided that I wasn't going to do anything about it. But as months went by, and I felt worse and worse, I had a choice. 

I could continue to do nothing, or I could put myself out there and say something. 

As someone who had been referred to as shy for most of my life, that was something that frightened me, more so than it might have most people, to such an extent that I would describe it as near-debilitating. It doesn't seem like much to be afraid of, and it certainly doesn't seem proportional to the actual situation, but it was the biggest fear I had ever faced in my life, and the first time I'd done something of that nature. I knew how it could go bad, and I was afraid that it would. I didn't want to say anything. But I decided that if I did say something, whatever negatives could come from it would be balanced out by the positives. 

So, as much as I didn't want to, I did it. 

And the situation did go bad. Very, very bad. In fact, there aren't many ways it could have ended up worse. I ended up dating the guy, got engaged to him, and became a victim of emotional abuse. He was arrested later for molesting minors - which happened during the course of our relationship. 

I had good reason to fear doing what I did. But by facing that fear, and dealing with the consequences of the scenario that played out, I learned something that was valuable enough that I would make that same choice again, despite the results. 

I learned that I was capable of overcoming my fears. I learned that I didn't have to let my fear dictate my action. I was capable of choosing to face something that scared me, and take a risk. I also proved to myself that even if something did go terribly wrong, I could handle it. 

If you're in a position where you're unhappy, but you're choosing to do nothing because of fear, reconsider. 

Choosing not to act because you're afraid is not a good reason. Fear is there to caution us against doing something stupid. Not to keep us paralyzed and miserable. 

I should have been afraid. And I probably should have kept quiet. I knew that things probably wouldn't work out, but I acted anyway. And I did it because I knew I would suffer for a long time if I didn't. I would have spent my life wondering what would have happened if I'd only found my courage. I judged what I would accomplish for certain as being of more importance than the possible risk. 

I still think that the risk was worth what my action accomplished. 

My fear could have stopped me from being involved in something that painful. But it also would have prevented me from knowing what would have happened. I would never have known the courage I was capable of, or the resiliency I could show in the face of something so traumatic. I might now still be afraid of something as simple as speaking up. I did a lot of growing through that, and I wouldn't trade that growth - even for a past without the pain. 

So, I'm not telling you you shouldn't be afraid. I'm telling you that sometimes, in some situations, fear is an obstacle that's worth overcoming. Use your common sense to decide when it's worth it, and if it is, then don't let fear be the thing standing in your way.