5 Ways to Overcome Your Shortcomings as a Mom

 Guest post by Christy Fitzwater

* Don’t be surprised if you want to hug Christy when you’re done reading her post. I know I did. ~ Lisa

It all started with me being the worst babysitter ever.

Whenever I was asked to watch children I would take the job. Then those children would want me to play with them, and I became the master of avoidance. Moms loved me because I enjoyed organizing and cleaning their kitchen counters.

The kids? Not so much. But I made a lot of money.

Now let me bring you to the present when this 45-year-old mom went to a birthday party for her younger sister-in-law at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants.

I sat at the end of the table, almost as a sign of old age and wisdom.

There I was sandwiched between two expectant mothers, and sometime through our second basket of warm tortilla chips and salsa we started talking about a baby shower we had all been to recently.

At the shower, the mother-in-law shared some words of wisdom that were so precious the entire room needed Kleenex by the end.

The most powerful truth she said was, You will not always enjoy being a mom.

I reached for guacamole and reiterated how true this was, and that these new moms will not have to feel guilty when they sometimes aren’t enjoying their new role.

Oh yes, they nodded. How encouraging.

A little later I was cutting into a two-pound super burrito (that I swore I was going to share with my husband later), and I joined the conversation. I don’t remember how we got to this place, but I said something completely horrifying.

I knew it was horrible because a few of the moms actually gasped, and their mouths dropped open –like I had just announced I was going to sell one of my children to help pay the bills.

“I hated playing with my children.”

That’s what I said.

Of course, later that night I was in bed thinking what a horrible mom I was—that I had said that and that I had ever even thought it. What kind of mother despises playing with her children?

I’ll tell you –a task-oriented mother whose greatest joy is learning and accomplishing and making a difference in the world through meaningful activities.

Please tell me how playing the boardgame, Sorry, is a meaningful activity? All that work you do to advance, and then you can be sent back to the beginning just like that.

I hated playing.

Had to be coerced into games.

Had to be dragged into outdoor activities that involved balls, bikes, or boots.

But I will tell you that I have one child about to get married and another about to graduate, and they feel loved by me. They’ve told me so – even though I was never that fun mom.

So I have some advice for those of you who are lacking or who hate some part of the mothering role, which includes every woman who has given birth.

Five Ways to Overcome Your Shortomings as a Mom

1.   Admit you don’t like some of your responsibilities or that you stink at some of them. You can tell me, and I won’t judge you one bit.

2.   Sometimes be responsible and do what you don’t like, for the sake of your child. We make our children do things they don’t enjoy, and sometimes we have to, too.

3.   Admit what you’re good at. (Every mom shines in some area.) Put more energy into that activity, to compensate for the weak areas. For example, I loved reading to my children, so I spent hours doing this with them.

4.   Pray for God to help you overcome your weaknesses.

5.   Be comforted that your child will judge you by your love for him—-and not by your perfection at being a mom.

* Lisa and I would love to hear stories about how you’ve overcome your deficits in mothering – please share!

Christy Fitzwater is a pastor’s wife living in Kalispell, Montana. She is the mother of a son in high school and a daughter in college. She enjoys when the days get shorter and the weather nasty so she doesn’t feel guilty about not going outside. Days where she can just read books and write words all day. She can even tell you the plots of 15 missionary biographies without batting an eye. You can read her personal blog at ChristyFitzwater. Also find her at Pinterest and Twitter.

*Check out Matthew and Lisa’s books – now available in both print and digital format - 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love to Your Wife.

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