The Wisdom To Know The Difference ......

I’ve thought a lot about serenity these past twenty-four hours, particularly with respect to intimate relationships. I suppose it all started with a conversation I had with a gentleman yesterday morning. I happened upon an elderly acquaintance I hadn’t seen in sometime, but had actually wondered about just recently. I inquired about how he’d been doing and then happened to ask, “How’s your sweet wife?”

He looked back at me with glassy blue eyes and answered, “Dead.”

Stunned, I inquired as to what had happened, and he related how she was 82 years old and how at that age so many things can go wrong with a body. She had somehow managed to catch an infection, and as a result had to be hospitalized. Over the course of her three week stay, she – like so many elderly – had managed to contract pneumonia and eventually fell into a coma she never managed to wake from.

My friend went on to explain how the doctor had managed to comfort him by saying pneumonia was an ‘old man’s friend’ ….. and how at the end of a life one can simply fall into a deep sleep where there is no pain or confusion, and most of all no suffering until they finally surrender to that walk that will lead them to the other side. With tears in my own eyes, I looked back at him and said, “There’s something poetic about that,” and he agreed. It’s impossible to find the right words to give comfort when you’re staring at a man who’s lost his beloved partner of 49 years. Phrases like ‘time heals all wounds’ and ‘my thoughts and prayers are with you’ seem grossly inadequate, so I looked at him instead and said, “You know you’ll get past this, because so many people already have. Give yourself the proper time and space to grieve, because you have lost something that’s irreplaceable, and in time hopefully God will at least grant you serenity.”

And so it goes ….. I realized yesterday evening that you don’t always have to lose someone to death in order to know they have left you. Occasionally time and circumstances prevail in such a manner that manages to strangle the life out of what you once shared when you realize the promise of a once bright future has diminished into a current reality that has become unbearable. In a desperate attempt to analyze what went wrong or even what you might have done differently in order to have achieved a different result, you come to the conclusion that there doesn’t always have to be a ‘bad guy’ but that it just wasn’t meant to be. The challenge comes when you’re confronted with recognizing the difference, which brings us to the essence of the ‘Serenity Prayer’ …..

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Serenity is only possible once you recognize the difference ….. that wanting something so bad is oftentimes not enough to make it happen, but once you gain ‘acceptance’ you can also find the strength to move on.

When love dies it cannot help but leave a void in your life that you instinctively wish to fill up as soon as possible, but to act in haste can only deliver more sadness once you come to terms with the fact some that some voids can never be quite filled, and I know I will get through this, because so many people already have. Life and love often leaves scars, but in time those scars do fade to the point they’re hardly recognizable, and once they do love has the opportunity to blossom and bloom once again.