Reader Question of the Week: Some Quick Answers and a Question from ME

Every Monday I like to put up a reader question and take a stab at answering it, but today I thought I’d go through several ones that I’ve received recently that I can answer quickly. Some of the questions I’m just going to put links up to answers, because I’ve written about it before. But if people are sending me in a question, chances are some of you have the same ones, and you don’t know there’s already a post on it.

Then I’ve got a question to ask you! (I’m writing a book and could really use some help!). So here goes:

1. My Husband’s a Photographer, and Takes Boudoir Photos. Is that Okay?

She writes:

Earlier in our marriage my husband took boudoir photos of some women at their request. I asked him to stop, and I thought he did, but I recently found out he’s still taking them. I don’t want to be the “police” in our marriage, but I had confidence that he understood where I was coming from in this situation and I feel as though he has broken my trust. He says he needs the freedom to take photos artistically without worrying what I might think and needs me to trust him that his motives are pure. Perhaps they are, but the intimacy of someone posing nearly nude for a photo taken by my husband seems to cheapen the intimacy we share. He does not have plans for more shoots like this. However, I am struggling with wanting to be supportive and at the same time protecting our marriage and the intimacy we share. To him, taking those photos is completely separate from our relationship and has no effect on us as a couple.

That’s a tough situation! It’s interesting–I answered the question a while ago “Is it okay to take sexy photos of yourself for your husband“, and talked about boudoir photos shoots, and we had lots of debates in the comments. But nobody actually mentioned the effect on the photographer’s marriage. Something to think about.

My quick thoughts: I’d be uncomfortable with this, too, and I’d definitely ask him to stop. If he just won’t, though, then I’d insist on being there during these photo shoots. I don’t think that solves the problem–he’s still looking at another woman who is almost naked–but at least you’re there.

And I’d pray a lot! But yes, I’d make an issue out of it with him, and I’d maybe say something like this: “I believe that this isn’t what God wants. Why don’t we look at how much money you made from the photos in the last few months, and then decide that you won’t take them in the next few months, and pray that God will make up the difference?” I’ve often found that when we do the right thing, God honours that.

2. PMS Kills My Libido!

A reader writes:

My hormonal imbalances wreak havoc the week before my period & then when I start, I feel tons better. I have spoken to my OBGYN & she has increased my magnesium & that seemed to help with my last PMS. But here’s the thing, the week before, I’m not in the mood sexually at all. Then we usually do nothing sexually while I have my period. So, essentially, we only have 2 weeks out of a month to enjoy sex. What can I do to improve this?  Those 2 weeks we have fun & build up my hubby’s stamina, but then my PMS issues begin. Then we are back to square 1. Ugh.

I hear you. Oh, how I hear you! Hormones have been wreaking havoc with me, too!

I’ve written a post on hormones and sex which may help. It’s more specifically about menopause/nursing, etc., but I think it applies any time our hormones are out of whack:

When Hormones Mess Up Your Sex Life

3. My Husband Has ADD–How Do I Not Nag?

Here’s the situation: Her three boys have ADHD, but her husband seems also to have it, though it’s undiagnosed. She writes:

I don’t feel like it is entirely appropriate to approach my husband the same way I approach my children. I don’t want to treat him like a child, but at the same time he is doing many of the same things they do, and it drives me CRAZY!!! I feel like nobody listens to me, usually because I have to repeat myself many, many times to everyone. I feel like nobody respects my opinion, or what I am saying, because I am constantly interrupted! I am the only one keeping the house picked up and organized, in a house full of people who want to hold on to everything, and never put any of it away! I am exhausted trying to balance it all, and I am afraid that the relationships in our house are falling apart. I am constantly frustrated with everyone, my husband is frustrated by the kids behaviors, and mess, but is failing to see that he is the exact same way, which makes me even more frustrated!!!!

I hear you. I can just imagine living in that chaos! I wrote a while ago about husbands and ADD, and this may help:



When Your Husband has ADD

Reader Question of the Week: Can Things Get Better?