3 Things I've Learned About Pain {Motherhood and Miscarriage}

I read once that to truly rise to the heights of joy, one must know the depths of pain.

Pain.

Its something we are all acquainted with. Some more than others.

The birth of our firstborn brought overwhelming joy to my husband and me, following two miscarriages that left us shaken. 21 months later our second miracle baby joined our family, and life seemed so perfect.

I had taken the fragments of my brokenness and given them to Jesus, and in return He gave me two perfect miracles.

I was content.

It certainly never occurred to me that I'd have to do it again and again.

But in March of last year the excitement of impending motherhood was once again shattered as I said goodbye to my 3rd angel baby.

The sorrow that gripped my heart was so deep and intense, that I didn't feel capable to share it with anyone, not even my husband. Unable share its depths and unwilling to face the pain and allow God to bear it with me, I chose what I thought would be the easier route: I pushed it aside and drowned it out with noise and work.

It just seemed easier to pretend I didn't hurt.

But you can't pretend things into existence. Eventually you have to face reality.

For me, reality came last month. I had no sooner began to dream of downy, soft heads and sweet baby smells, than the crushing blow of my fourth miscarriage hit.

This time I knew that no amount of noise or work could drown out the pain. God was lovingly but firmly leading me to a place where I would allow my husband, family and friends to bear it with me.

It hasn't been easy. Frankly, it has been excruciating to open up the festering wounds to let them cleanse and heal. But in the journey I have learned a lot about myself and the endless love and grace of God.

3 Things I've Learned About Pain1. No matter how deep your pain is, God's grace is even deeper. 
You don't have to ask for grace. It's already there. You just have to reach out and take hold of it. You don't deserve it. You can't earn it. You can't ever be good enough to possess it. It's a gift that God gives each of us in direct proportion to our need. The well will never run dry. You can't ever exhaust the grace of God. I have learned this in a more profound way than I could ever adequately describe.

Is there pain in your life? Embrace God's grace and allow Him to lead you through the valley to healing pastures. The journey isn't easy, but it is necessary.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9


2. God doesn't give more than we can bear...but not alone.
We often {mis}quote the verse that tells us that God will not give us more than we can bear. That verse is about temptation, not hardship. Does that mean that God does give us more hardship than we can bear?

He never expected us to bear our sufferings alone. He made us relational so that we would support, encourage and help one another. He will not give us more than we can bear...as long as we tap into His grace and reach out to those He has placed in our lives to help us bear it. To bear our suffering alone is not only impossible, it is dangerous.  It is in those isolated moments that Satan has his best target on us.


3. We have to embrace it.
Embrace the pain. Avoiding pain never makes it go away. By avoiding pain, we may cease to feel it, but it doesn't mean that it no longer exists, anymore than taking an Aspirin for a back ache takes away the injury. The feeling of the ache is gone, but the injury is still there.

To embrace pain, we must gather it in our hands and acknowledge it, face it, and walk the journey to healing one step at a time.


I'm still on this journey. I've not arrived yet. But I am much healthier than I was 6 months ago when I was hiding from my pain.

God sent me a dear sister on this journey who has helped me through each step. She wrote a book called "

Have you lost a child? I encourage you to
Are you walking through a painful time? Embrace God's grace, allow Him and those He has placed in your life to help you bear it, and then embrace it and start the journey to healing.

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