Let It Go

I am not watching the Frozen DVD with you. I’ve seen it twice now. You must have seen it twelve times, at least. Forget it.

And, no, I don’t want to listen to the soundtrack again. I understand that you like the music. The music is just fine. The problem I have is that whenever you listen to it, you sing along with it at the top of your lungs. Then when I ask you to stop doing that, you just keep singing, very softly,and for some reason that’s even more annoying.

I’m not saying you can’t listen to any music, but pick something else. Anything else. I don’t care. You can play the Tangled soundtrack for all I care, and I’m sick to death of that, too. Just play something else. Anything else.

I do not want to build a snowman with you, and before you say another word, I know it doesn’t have to be a snowman. It’s an expression of how much Anna misses her sister. But we don’t miss each other like that. We’re almost tripping over each other all the time, especially when you start pretending that you’re ice skating. And by the way, stop doing that.

No. Stop it. Do not pretend that you’re Kristof and that I’m the reindeer. Stop. I don’t appreciate when you do that. It’s not cute, and it’s not funny. Quit it.

And now you’re pretending that I’m the snow monster. Cute. That’s a very mature response, there.

I know that Josh Gad does the voice of the snowman. I’m the one who told you that, remember? I’d seen him off-Broadway at that spelling bee thingy, and he was annoying in that, too. And, no, I don’t know if they’re going to do a Broadway musical about Frozen. It would be hard to do the special effects in a stage show.

Now you’ve got me talking about it.

You are correct that the movie never explains how Elsa’s powers make the snowman be able to walk and talk. Olaf, yeah, whatever. She’s magical. It doesn’t have to make sense.

Can we please talk about something else? Anything else? Anything at all that doesn’t have to do with Frozen or Anna or Elsa or Adele Dazeem? Please? For the love of God, already.

Jeremy, listen. You’re thirty-two years old. It would be one thing if you were five and obsessed about Disney animated movies. But you’re not. Please. Give it a rest, or I swear I am going to go on Craigslist and find another roommate.

If you say one thing about my heart being frozen, I am going to kick your ass from here to Arendelle. I mean it, Jeremy.