A Conversation with Death

Hadley disliked teleportation. She wasn’t teleporter-phobic, she would use it if she had to, but she much preferred plain old-fashioned skimming about on a shuttlecraft. Shuttlecrafts got you where you needed to be all in one piece. Teleporters, on the other hand, sometimes left bits of you where you shouldn’t be. When one was a sentient shade of mauve, that happened more often than Hadley cared for.

Sure enough, as she materialized on the grey metal floor of a ship’s cargo bay, she felt the distinct unpleasantness of knowing she was missing a bit. Hadley looked irritatedly around. Sure enough, her left arm was flopping about by the far wall, next to a sealed door. Apparently her arm was trying to reach the handle, so it could open the door, escape into the ship proper, and go off on a merry adventure of its own. It couldn’t quite reach that far, however. It fluttered for a moment, magnificent in its struggle, then wilted and lay still.

Hadley sighed. “C’mere, you,” she said. Her arm wriggled pathetically towards her, and with a plop sound Hadley stuck it back on. Photons knit together, and her arm was back to its old self again. The other advantage of being a conscious color shade was that you could stick your arm (and other parts) right back on with minimal fuss.

That problem solved, Hadley looked around to see where she was. She wasn’t on the bunny planet anymore, that much was obvious. Hadley breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. Then she considered. Like everyone else, she had thought the bunnies were gone from the universe, sealed away in the Bunniless Pit. How could they have gotten loose?

“They were let out, of course,” said a grim voice from behind her. Hadley jumped.

“Wha?” she said, somewhat inarticulately.

“Sorry,” said the woman, emerged from a shadowed corner. “I hate scaring people. Comes with the territory, though. I’m Rain. I’m also the incarnation of Death. Nice to meet you.”

Rain stuck out her hand. Hadley didn’t move to take it. “You’re…. you’re Death,” she said. “Um. Oh dear. Does that mean-?”

Rain sighed. “No, it’s not you. You’ll be fine. But with the bunnies loose, I’m going to have a lot more business. Especially if your ship’s captain fires the BFG.”

“The what now?”

The deck suddenly lurched beneath Hadley’s feet, and there was a tremendous WHUMP noise.

“That.”

Hadley rushed to a porthole in the cargo bay. Below her she could see the planet she had been on, and the bunny horde rising ominously from it. Then the planet blossomed into light. Hadley had better eyesight than most, but even she had to look away for a moment. When she looked back, the planet was gone, and so were most of the bunnies. “Oh, good,” she said. “There’s only two or three left. No problem.”

Rain laughed darkly. “Yeah. Sure. You know how fast bunnies can multiply?”

Hadley didn’t know. The only pet she’d ever had was a small intelligent fox from Ylvisa Five. It had been a delightful companion, and she’d had many long talks with it. She had never inquired about its marital status, however , and it had gone off on its own adventures before she could broach the subject. Now she wished she had. “They reproduce pretty quickly then, do they?”

“Like bunnies do. That’s why they were sealed in the Bunniless Pit. Then some idiot let them out.”

“But… I’ve heard of the Bunniless Pit. The people from Earth built it. It’s only got one key. Their president has it, secret and safe. Hannah Moon, I’ve met her, she’s very nice!”

“Yeah,” Rain said. “But she’s dead now. I met her too. And about a billion people from the planet she was visiting. Seems the Seventeenth Fleet from Earth went and blew up the whole place. Busiest week I’ve had in ages.”

Hadley gaped. “But…there is no Seventeenth Fleet.”

“What?”

“I”ve been to Earth, met the President, I know. They only have one fleet. Budget cutbacks. They don’t have sixteen more fleets running around, and they certainly don’t go vaporizing planets. It’s civilized now, Earth is. “

Rain’s fists clenched. “Something stinks here.”

“I should say. I think a tribble used this cargo bay as a lavatory.”

“I was speaking metaphorically. I’ve never seen a tribble.”

“Nobody knows the tribbles I’ve seen….”

Rain glowered at her. As Death, she had a very impressive glower.

“Sorry.”

This had been another chapter in Hadley’s Story.  Also Rain’s prior adventures can be found here. I apologize for the pun. :)  And also I regret I missed last week’s Speakeasy, but I’m back now. Huzzah!