Another mini excerpt

So, Chapters 2, 3, and most likely 4 will be posted before the end of May, or the very, very beginning of June. But for the next few weeks, I'll post little teasers from different sections of the book. Hope it whets your appetite!

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I hate myself. I hate who I am and what I’ve become. These were the only thoughts that Nina had. She couldn’t think past her own self loathing, her own pity and hate.
She was in a hole. It was small and cold, and one she couldn’t get out of. But who cared about getting out anyway? Nina let her mind focus back on the topic that had been killing her slowly for however long she'd been in her self made Hell. Grim was gone, and nothing I do will change that.
Nina had faced her demons, adapted and changed to the things that she'd been thrust into. She’d given it her all, and nothing had happened. If anything, things only got worse.
Doubt crept into her mind as she remained numb and immovable in her hole. If only she’d  said no to Uri and stayed with her father until he killed her. If only she’d remained in the reaper world to face this with Grim. If only she just would have died the moment she’d known that death was coming for her, none of the pain she was in now would matter.
In a dim corner of her mind Nina could remember a voice saying if-ing solves nothing and hurts everyone, but she ignored it. She ignored the fact that by withering away in bed, refusing to do anything but sleep and bitterly scold herself, she was hurting her child. Somewhere along the way she'd started to wonder again if she was really pregnant.
What did she have? The word of two mad scientist who had performed painful experiments on her after they’d told her she was pregnant. Yeah, she believed that about as far as she could throw them. Nina was sure she couldn't even pick them an inch off the ground.
If time was linear, or even something close to that, then wouldn’t I be showing? Nina had been mulling the puzzle over in her mind for a while. She’d been with Grim for almost three months, and two and almost the entire time they’d been screwing like rabbits. And if Uri was right, and weeks had passed while she’d been with Yin and Yang in their freaky laboratory doing god-only-knows-what, then she’d be around four or five months pregnant. And definitely showing.
But Nina wasn’t.
She wracked her brain. Thought about it, then thought about it some more. But in the end, she didn’t care. None of it mattered anymore. She was dead, her husband was being tortured, their kingdom was destroyed, and nothing mattered anymore.
The breakdown Nina had yearned for was finally here and tearing her apart. It was worse than when she’d found out her father was going to kill her, worse than when she’d found out that she wasn’t dead even though she’d felt the blade pierce her heart. The pain she was in was a combination of Grim’s rejection and her own crushing emotions from the past few months.
It was sort of funny to think that, now, Yin and Yang wouldn’t want her. She wouldn’t be whatever they turned her into. In a strange way it was comforting. Despite being trapped by her own failings and inabilities, there was something satisfying about not being used as a tool.
Because, trapped in her mind and going in circles, Nina had started to realize in one way or another she'd been a tool. Yin and Yang had said so; had, in no uncertain terms, manipulated her. How different would it have been if Grim had never saved her from that bossy police woman. How different would it have been if Nina hadn't instantly fallen for him. 
Grim would provably be safe--albeit married to a crazy bitch, but he wouldn’t have been in the predicament he was in now. Nina would have died, a terrible death for sure, but it would have ended. She wouldn't have to feel the pressure that was currently on her chest from her reality being crushed. Because not dying, was the equivalent to suddenly being able to breathe underwater. Even if you could suddenly do it, you'd still gasp and reach for death's hand because that hand was a constant, a known, an end.
There was no ending now. Nina would live the rest of her unnatural life in the middle, in her twenties, never aging. The idea freaked her out worse than dying.
So, no matter how she looked at it, everything was her own fault. If I'd just died, none of this would be happening! she raged at herself. She could have all the power in the world, but what did it matter? Power obviously didn't been crap if the person didn't know how to use it, how to bend it to their will. 
But, Nina knew, that was what it came down to. Somehow, she was still the fragile, little human sulking about her miseries. I was an idiot for leaving, and I'm still an idiot now.
Nina burrowed deeper into her mind. Time faded into the background, meshing with the gray of her life. Somehow, she knew that time was passing--the feeling ingrained in her psyche--but the urgency wasn’t there anymore. She was shattered, unable to pick up the pieces and drag herself together. All Nina wanted to do was go back to that second when the knife had pierced her heart, when her heart had thumped once, twice, before failing her. She just wanted to go back to that past life and die there.
But nothing was ever easy, especially not things that hurt. Pain was difficult; dirty, messy, and fucking difficult. She couldn't say she was surprised when it came, the sudden rush that let her know it was time to wake up and face what was and not what should be or what she wanted it to be.
It was a voice that penetrated her mind; it sounded loud, angry, rushed. Someone was called to her, shook her. Power rushed over Nina, tried to penetrate the walls she’d erected around herself.  The voice battered at her mind while the rushing power chipped way at her walls.  
“Nina!” a voice screamed at her as heat poured through her body.
The voice sounded familiar. The heat felt familiar.
It’s time, Nina, her conscious whispered, coming slowly back to life.