On the job training

It's official. I'm a statistic.
A newspaper career that spanned more than two decades ended on a sour note 11 months ago. The reasons for my dismissal are best not publicly disclosed -- so let's just chalk it up to an unresolved personality conflict.
I wish I could say I quickly landed an even more satisfying and lucrative full-time job, however that is not the case. But then again, just because I've technically been out of work doesn't mean I haven't been working hard. If anything, I've acquired some valuable skills.
I've learned the ins and outs of social media,and how to walk the fine line between book marketing and self-exploitation. In the process, I learned plenty about advertising, branding, publicity and public relations. I also polished my interview skills in print and broadcast media appearances.
Then there are all of the other skills I've honed and positions I've held since last June:
1) Landscape architecture (mowing the lawn).
2) Snow and ice removal (self-explanatory).
3)Micro-and-macro-engineering (putting furniture together).
4) Micro-deconstruction and demolition (taking furniture apart).
5) Macro-deconstruction demolition (taking large furniture apart).
6)Expert in coordinating and supervising home renovations.
7)Expert in decluttering bedrooms, attics, and basements.
8)Waste removal (I'll leave that to your very vivid imaginations).
The list goes on... and on. And today, as I helped carry seven large floor boards and other debris down two flights of stairs, it dawned on me that I could probably make millions by recording the activity and starting a new fitness craze...
But all joking aside, I would like to go back to work... for real. So if you know of any openings, feel free to drop me a note.
Until next time, "That's life..."