Christy Writes: The Spring Breeze Brings Winds of Change
Spring always feels like a new year to me. I know it’s partly because my birthday is in April, so it’s my personal new year, but with everything in blossom and bloom, it’s easy to find a new outlook, a new purpose, a new beginning.
So much has changed in my life recently, and while the road has not always been smooth, it has all been so positive that I can’t even regret the potholes. Being jarred around a little keeps me awake.
My reflective mood, I think, stems from how much time I spend alone these days. I’ve always enjoyed solitude, quiet times of woolgathering and self-reflection that rejuvenate and focus me. Since quitting my regular job to become a full-time writer, I’ve found myself not only with an abundance of time by myself, I’ve discovered that those uncomfortable thoughts you can duck when you’re busily surrounded by other people are not so easily ignored when you’re alone.
It has also stemmed from the writers absorbing me lately, from the raw realness of Joan Didion to the Kant I’ve tackled as research for a piece I’m writing on truth. Writers who make you want to do more, be more, feel more … those are the writers worth reading.
At some point during this endless, snowy winter, my life took on a dreamy, introspective quality, and I spent a lot of time journaling, sorting out my mental clutter, whispering the difficult questions, and listening, really listening, to the answers that came back. And where I knew I had to make changes, I began to make them.
Some of them were major, like relocating to a new home in a new state. Some of them were minor, like cutting down on coffee and alcohol and drinking more green tea. Some were external, like finding an exercise routine I actually enjoy. Some were professional, like redesigning this blog and my podcast. And some were internal, like finally facing those things from my past that I no longer want to define me and letting them go once and for all.
But what it all comes down to is that I’ve started taking better care of myself. I have found a new level of self-respect I’ve never had before.
Joan Didion, in her essay “On Self-Respect,” says “However long we postpone it, we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously uncomfortable bed, the one we make ourselves. Whether or not we sleep in it depends, of course, on whether or not we respect ourselves.”
What I’ve learned lately about self-respect enables me to not only consider my past as just that, it lets me look at myself in the mirror every morning and say, “I will take care of you.”
That sounds easy enough, of course, but taking care of ourselves is so much more than going for a jog or getting a mani-pedi. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that things like that have nothing to do with taking care of ourselves. Not really. When the manicure chips, a few swipes from an acetone-soaked cotton ball are all it takes to make it disappear. When the chips are on the inside, they’re not wiped away so easily.
Taking care of yourself means different things to different people. Here’s what it means to me.
I’ve learned to say no. I’ve heard it my whole adult life, yet I still found myself constantly saying yes to, well, pretty much everything. I didn’t want to let anyone down, I wanted to be seen as nice, as sweet, as helpful and, perhaps most importantly, as vital. Instead, I found myself a stressed-out mess with no time for my writing, for yoga, for friends, for reading a book, or for just doing nothing.
Chef Melissa d’Arabian told me not long ago that she has gotten her life’s purpose down to a clear, concise statement. Now when she’s asked to do something, she holds it up against her purpose. If whatever it is helps her fulfill that purpose, she does it. If not, she says no. Not only does it help her keep her focus, but what a beautiful example to set for her young daughters.
I’ve learned the importance of surrounding myself with positive people, and with phasing negative people out of my life. It’s not easy to do, I know, especially when the negative people are lifelong friends or your own family, but even if you can’t cut them out of your life, you can at least relegate them to the sidelines, distancing yourself from their negativity as much as possible, and reminding yourself (as many times as you need to) that their issues are their issues, not yours. Do not make them yours.
I’ve learned not to pursue anyone who has walked out of my life. If they want to leave, let them leave. Hold the door for them. Life’s short enough as it is.
I’ve learned to stop… and this is a tough one, so brace yourself… the negative self-talk. If anyone else ever said the things about me I’ve said about myself, I’d have punched them right in the face. It’s not helpful, it’s not healthy and it does nothing to move me forward in my spiritual growth.
Similarly, I’ve stopped apologizing for who I am, and what I believe in. I don’t jam my beliefs in anyone’s face, but neither will I put up with them jamming theirs in mine. There’s a huge, fundamental difference between being informed and being opinionated. If I won’t argue with you, go ahead and assume I find you only the latter.
This list could go on indefinitely, and it is, of course, a work in progress since my needs change and evolve over time. And anyway, it’s not critical that you know everything I’m doing in my road to self-awareness and a healthy, balanced life. What’s critical is that you make your own list. Every day is a new beginning, a fresh start, a chance to get it right, a chance to take care of you.
