Q is for Que

It’s Spanish for “What?”

The British attitude towards learning foreign languages is, frankly, appalling. Harking back to the days of empire, we arrogantly assume that everyone in the world should speak English, but we don’t have to worry about learning their language(s).

I’m not much better. I speak a little French, a tiny bit of German and some Spanish, but it’s barely enough to say “hello” and order food and drink. Even then, I prefer a menu so I can point out what I want.

My wife is even worse. Her French amounts to “thank you”, usually pronounced “mercy bow coo” and her Spanish is limited to “grassy arse.”

And yet, we enjoy travelling all over Europe, especially the sunny Spanish resorts. We’re off again in a couple of weeks going back to Benidorm. It’ll be a week of roaring drunkenness and debauchery. I’ve tried telling the missus to behave herself, but I might as well talk to the dog.

We’ve been together almost 35 years (the wife and I, not me and the dog) and our last trip to Benidorm demonstrated just how much Her Indoors knows about me. She was astonished that I could order tea and toast in Spanish. I had no choice. The poor girl serving us didn’t speak a word of English.

Contrast our haphazard approach with that of my good friend Lorraine Mace (aka Frances di Plino). Lorraine admits to being a gypsy having lived in many parts of the world before settling first in France and now in Spain. I know for a fact that she speaks excellent French and I’m certain she is now learning to speak excellent Spanish. If we lived in Spain, the locals would have to get used to Pidgin Spanish spoken with a broad Yorkshire or Lancashire accent.

And now for the inevitable plug. Considering our travels to the Canary Islands, the Balearics, and mainland Spain, it was only natural to send Joe and Co from the Sanford 3rd Age Club to one of these resorts. It’s entitled Costa del Murder, and it’s a fun read. More importantly,it demonstrates that even Joe speaks better Spanish than me, for which I thank several people, including the Inestimable Nik Morton, for their help.