Standing out in an outstanding crowd

It’s been a while that I let myself coast without trying very hard on promotions or writing anything here aside from reviews. It’s not that I don’t have things I want to talk to y’all about, but more that I wasn’t sure how to say anything without coming off as a grumbling fogey or an unappreciated jeenyus.

Through the last two years, I’ve often felt encouraged by seeing reviewers and readers asking for more diversity in their fiction, and I took this as encouragement to keep writing to put out more options instead of focusing on any one genre or market. At the same time, I felt that I needed a message more developed than “I’m different” to stand out from the crowded markets.

The thing is, I’d really rather not resort to dissing the work of others or being jealous of their success. In my own way, I’ve tried as a reader to support everyone from the big name authors down to the first-time indies just dipping their toes in the writing pool. When it comes to social media, when someone asks me for reading recommendations, I will first offer up a list of other authors I enjoy before asking if it’s all right to suggest something from my catalog. It’s strange, but even after years of being so deeply invested in this global writing competition, I still feel awkward actually trying to compete.

Maybe it’s all those years of abuse that keeps a voice alive in me, constantly insisting “I’m not really good enough to compete with these people.” Maybe it’s empathy knowing how hard it is to make even one sale that prevents me from saying “My book is better than X-book.” Maybe some of it is respect for the other authors, even those I don’t like or find their work repugnant to my own tastes.

A lot of my work is made in direct protest to the mainstream trends that I read so much of. It’s not that I don’t believe these things should be popular, either. I write in protest because I know there’s other viewpoints not being explored. This doesn’t make me better than the mainstream, only different. But simply saying I’m different won’t make a blip on anyone’s radar because almost every author insists that they’re different. And in a lot of cases, it’s simply marketing hype. Many authors write the same character tropes, putting their characters in the same convoluted situations as their peers. They may use the formulas skillfully in crafting their tales, but it’s rare to see someone who subverts those tropes to create something genuinely unique.

I’m loathe to name names or make comparisons from one story to another, even if I’m not using my works as the basis for comparison. I do think these stories are written well, and in many cases, I enjoy them as much as the next reader. But as a writer, part of my task is finding some way to differentiate myself from others, and I’m never sure of how to do that. I’ve certainly made efforts to explain how I’m different, but I’m never able to come up with a case convincing enough to build a larger audience.

But I know I have to, and I’m encouraged to keep thinking on the problem when a new reader writes to me after giving me a chance. Just last night, a new reader from Turkey was praising my writing, comparing it to Jean Genet and speaking fondly of the many layers of interpretation they were able to see in my work. I felt dissected and humbled, but also pleased that a reader was willing to scratch the surface and search for the deeper meaning in each passage and scene.

And it is true, I am writing these stories with many layers, giving the casual reader something to appreciate even if they never question my motives for creating those characters and scenes. I’m happy enough when someone simply writes to say they liked a story, but I become euphoric when someone slices my characters open to puzzle out the real reasons for their existence. I have favorite reviews from bloggers who dug deeper and asked the right questions about my motivations. I don’t think I can ever get enough of those keen dissections and the resulting observations.

But isn’t that what every artist means to do? I believe it’s a rare artist, whether a writer, a painter, or a musician, who creates strictly to fill a marketing goal. We all want to be seen as messengers with a mission to enlighten and entertain at the same time. Yet I must find some way to pull away from the others or risk always being hidden in the midst of their successes.

I can’t really say I enjoy puzzling on this dilemma of wanting to stand out from my peers. I have many favorite artists who I feel inadequate when I compare myself to their works. No amount of praise for my efforts can ever rid me of the nagging fear that I’m really just a hack with a limited vocabulary, and not even the best review can dispel my fears of always remaining obscure and unappreciated. I also have a sneaking suspicion that more sales and a growing audience would still not relieve my doubts about myself.

Perhaps I am dooming my efforts by always selling myself short, but even after nine years of pushing and promoting, I don’t feel qualified to make bolder claims about my art. I know I have the discipline to write well and quickly, and that I have the drive to keep going in the face of constant commercial failure. But sometimes I wonder what essential ingredient I’m missing to make the world notice me. Is it only a lack of ego or self-esteem? Or is it simply that I’m unable to form a sales message worthy of more attention?

If the readers and reviewers are clamoring for more diversity, why do I never seem to reach those eager markets? Is it all just a matter of visibility? And if so, what can I do to make some noise without comparing myself to my peers?

I still don’t know, but it is a puzzle I would love to solve.