The Unofficial Uncensored Somewhat-Unstable Transcript

Let me send a hug (and a small harmless grope) to the many authors and readers who came out last night to hear my presentation: Travel Writing That Matters. We kind of rocked the house, didn't we? Those of you who snatched up all the copies of my books within minutes not only showed your support for fine literature but enabled me to get home last night without having to offer sexual favors to a passing trucker. My gratitude goes beyond words. 
After the presentation, a comely lass named A...