I is for Ironic

Throughout the song, “Ironic” Alanis Morissette asks, “Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?” The answer is, "No. Hell, no." Most of the examples she gives are not ironic. They are just unfortunate. And some are just outright asinine. 

Here are a few examples: 

And isn't it ironic... don't you think
It's a black fly in your chardonnay…I can't even begin to see how this is ironic or even could be. I suppose if the brand was Spider Web Chardonnay it might have a bit of irony to it. 

It's like rain, on your wedding day…ironic, NO. Unfortunate, yes. 
Your parent’s divorce becoming final on your wedding day… that's ironic.. 

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day...okay, maybe if the lottery numbers he played were also the day of his death like 04-10-20-14.

It's a free ride, when you've already paid...This is not irony, just ask for a refund. Now, getting cat scratch fever from a feline named Lucky. That's ironic. 

It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife...First of all, why are their 10,000 spoons? Secondly, what do you need a knife for that badly? Third, this is not ironic. 

Mr. Play-It-Safe, was afraid to fly 
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye 
He waited his whole damn life, to take that flight 
And as the plane crashed down he thought, "Well, isn't this nice"? …nice, NO. ironic, NO.
If Mr. Play-It-Safe insisted upon driving and a plane crashed into his car killing him, then that would denote irony.

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late. This is definitely some very bad timing, but irony would be if the death row inmate had invented the electric chair that he was going to be executed in. 

It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife...no, meeting the man of your dreams and and finding out he was your brother...closer...but still not completely ironic, 

I need to calm down and pour a cocktail. This song came out in 1995, I think it's finally time for me to let it go and move on, don't you?