H is for History Revisited

 

Continuing the humour theme, here is a selection of one-liners from great moments in history.

***

Dateline: 2000 BC. Location: Stonehenge

Stonemason to architect. “Yeah, I know we’re a bit behind schedule. We’re waiting for a skip.”

***

Dateline: 490 BC. Location: Sparta

Spartan Military commander to Pheidippides. “So you’ve run all the way from Marathon. What do you want? A medal?

***

Dateline: 1066. Location: Hastings.

English soldier to William on spotting the French leader’s bow and arrow. “Bit sharp, those, mate. If you’re not careful, you could take someone’s eye out.”

***

Dateline: 1415. Location: Agincourt

French Cavalryman to D’Albret: “Just a thought, boss, but won’t we get our boots mucky riding through all that mud?”

***

Dateline: 1508. Location. Sistine Chapel.

Michelangelo to Pope Julius II. “Well, as ceilings go it sounds ambitious, but wouldn’t you rather have a nice coat of magenta?”

***

Dateline: 1545. Location: The Solent

English shipwright to Henry VIII. “A word to the wise, guv. The Mary Rose wasn’t really designed as an Isle of Wight Ferry.”

***

Dateline: 1605. Location: House of Lords

Guy Fawkes to Sergeant at Arms. “Got a light, mate?”

***

Dateline: 1666. Location Pudding Lane, London

Baker to his apprentice. “What do you mean you forgot to turn the oven off?”

***

Dateline: 1771. Location: Greenwich

George III to Captain Cook. “You’ve discovered Australia? You were supposed to sail to Liverpool.”

***

Dateline: 1876. Location North America

Alexander Graham Bell makes the first telephone call and listens to the response.

“We’re sorry but no one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone.”

***

Dateline 1912: Location. Main Lounge, RMS Titanic.

Steward to Captain. “One Gin and tonic, sir. Would you like ice with that?

***

Dateline: 1953. Location: Summit of Everest

Sherpa to Sir Edmund Hilary. “Now can you see my house? It’s the third on the left over there.”

*******************

Enjoy more madcap humour with Flatcap:

On Sex

Guide to UK Holidays

Grumpy Old Blogger