The Ties That Bind .........

Whether speaking figuratively or literally, there are many ties that bind each of us to others as we endeavor to make our way through this thing we call “life”. I suppose for most of us who are parents there is no greater tie than the one between parent and child, which is why most of us find the potential loss of a child too difficult to even contemplate. But some – like my own parents – are forced to confront their worst fears when conjecture takes the form of a painful new reality when the child they thought they would surely outlive has tragically gone before them. One can never know the true meaning of resilience until he or she suffers the loss of a loved one that is inexorably and intricately woven into the very fiber of their being. The sudden, irrevocable loss unravels and tears at the fabric until it is altered beyond repair, and you are left to manage with what remains.

Then there are the ties to the people we call friends … those same souls who become a sort of ‘extended family’ who mind our vault of sacred knowledge about exploits and escapades that we wouldn’t dare share with people of common blood. These same people have seen us at our very worst, and yet they do not judge and wouldn’t dare criticize. They’ve already walked a mile in our shoes, so sometimes understanding is conveyed by a simple pat on the back or a hug that doesn’t require explanation. To put it into today’s frame of reference, these are the people who ‘have your back’. They pick you up when you are down, and they pull up a chair and help celebrate the good times. They know you for who you are and respect you for who you wish to become, and they are the ones you can turn to for honesty when the rest of the world will just tell you what you want to hear. Even though a considerable amount of time can pass without having crossed paths, instinctively you know they are always present the moment you need them, thus they make us independently wealthy, because they are ‘priceless’ possessions.

Then there are our partnerships. In business these are the people we depend upon to recognize our vision and help us to attain our goals. In so doing, we are called upon to place trust in individuals we might not otherwise relate to on a familial or social level. Over the course of our careers, we come to spend more waking and exhaustive hours with these people than we do our own families, and perhaps without even realizing it, eventually that’s just what they become, as only they share in our day-to-day struggles as we strive to climb up the ladder of success one shaky rung at a time. Perhaps that’s why so many couples are first formed at the workplace, because almost without even realizing it, you begin to share a form of intimacy that is difficult to share with another who hasn’t been there each and every step of the way. But speaking from experience, anyone who seeks solace in the form of a co-worker’s arms is only asking for a stage-5 disaster capable of wrecking both your private and professional lives in one fail swoop. As the campaign against drug use once said, “Don’t do it.” Within our government there is supposed to be a separation of church and state, therefore wouldn’t it be wise to declare a separation of public and private lives as a means to maintain some modicum of decency while sustaining peace overall?

Then there are the ‘unspoken’ ties that bind that take on a much more literal sense and were somewhat recently introduced to the mainstream through E. L. James’ wildly successful book titled “Fifty Shades of Grey”. BDSM has been a part of the counter culture for decades now, which is what fascinated me most when this trilogy was met with such shock and dismay upon its introduction to the public at large. People who actively choose to live varying degrees of the ‘lifestyle’ are as common as a trip to the dentist. Whether you are a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ or ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive’ has little to do with traditional male/female roles, as either gender can define their respective roles according to their own tastes and tendencies, and those who subscribe to the lifestyle tend to enjoy long term, monogamous relationships, because they share a form of intimacy that does not supports secrets. Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of ‘kink’ I think that same level of commitment is something we should all aspire to achieve within our most important intimate relationship.

Finally there is your soulmate …. the person who is not necessarily like you, but rather compliments you as if you were two intricate jigsaw puzzle pieces that snap together perfectly, leaving no room for daylight to escape in between them. It’s my personal belief we all have one, though for some reason some of us fail to recognize him or her once they’re placed before us. I am fortunate, because I have recognized mine, and for me the attraction is so strong it’s almost intoxicating to the senses and more than just a little bit frightening, because it’s something like having been administered an epidural while I feel the ability to control my thoughts and movements suddenly stripped away from me as if I’ve been condemned a prisoner to my own desires. When survival mode kicked in, I fruitlessly tried to escape many times back to the place where I hoped to regain control, only to instantly snap back once my invisible bungee cord had stretched to its limits. My recent foray into online dating was one such attempt, but today I officially removed my profile and God help me if I ever decide to do something so foolish again.

Now that I know I can no longer control what my heart wants, I have no choice but to surrender to its compulsion by placing my faith in the one who has told me things like, “I love you beyond words,” and “I have loved you forever.” Perhaps I’ll even find control is highly overrated once I finally give into surrender by allowing myself to experience the one love God set aside just for me prior to my birth.