Sometimes the spiritual path is leaving your abuser
“No little girl says I hope I grow up one day to be in an abusive relationship.
No little boy says I hope I grow up one day to abuse a woman.
But it happens. It happens every day, and you’re not the only one. Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
You are not alone.
No little boy says he wants to grow up and beat women but this is what your husband or partner did and does. That’s not your fault. You can’t change that. That’s not your responsibility to carry. That’s not your problem to solve. You didn’t cause it. You cannot fix it. What he does or doesn’t do is outside your control and you cannot do it for him. This is something only he can choose and do for himself.
Your true Self that is one with God assumed a mind and body in order to have a human existence. You are here because you want to be. This is what you chose. You chose to be human.
There’s nothing you can do about any moment of your life that has preceded this moment. All that matters is this present moment. There is 100% of the rest of your life left. And the way forward is to be present to what’s in your life right now, and respond as the situation requires. This is your spiritual path.
You are in an abusive relationship and the situation requires you to separate yourself from your abuser and quite likely terminate the relationship. If someone has told you that you are obligated to stay with your abusive husband or partner for religious reasons, they have placed a burden on you that God doesn’t. Show me the Bible verse that says this. I have a Master of Divinity degree and have vigorously studied every verse in the Bible and have never come across one.
Sometimes what life situations require is difficult, and this is certainly true in the case of leaving an abuser. What it means right now for you to live a spiritual life is not going to church, reading your Bible, or volunteering your time to serve others in need. That you would feed the hungry, forgive an insult, or love your enemy are all noble and worthwhile deeds. The scriptures say that whatever we do unto the least of these we do unto Christ. But what happens when the “least of these” is you? What if the “least of these” is that woman who wakes up each day in fear of being controlled, abused, and battered? You hide it from the world and refuse to admit it to yourself that the “least of these” you most need to love and care for is… you.
You already know that the situation requires you leaving your abuser. But you also believe a story about yourself that isn’t true. The story is about how you’re not capable of leaving. The story says you’re not smart enough, strong enough, confident enough, or competent enough to make it on your own financially and successfully establish a life of independence. And so in your mind the option of leaving is an impossibility.
That story is a lie.”
- Jim Palmer, Notes from (Over) the Edge
