Back To the Sun (Part 3)

So, first of all, I'm moving to the West Coast. 


"You look beautiful and glowing in all the pics you're posing on FB. Seriously!" Katy had texted on the fourth day of my trip. 
"Thanks!! Having the BEST time," I texted back. "I seriously don't want to come back."
"Don't. I'll pack up your stuff and mail it to you!" 

Grinning, I closed out of my text messages and slid my phone back into my pocket. 

I have no idea what kind of animal this is, but it seemed like it was cuddly enough.It had happened on the third day. I woke up to a chilly, cloudy morning in LA. Nose cold, bundled up in blankets on the air mattress in Erica and Chris' guest room, I felt happier than I had in a long time. I'm living out here, things are falling into place, and I'm happy. The thought came swimming up to the surface. I had been unsure, the first couple days I had been here. But that thought...it was a glimpse. By now you guys know me enough to know that these things just happen to me from time to time, and even when I've fought it in the past, it's never been wrong. This one, though, was welcome. It reminded me of all the other times when I've been afraid to make a leap, to go after what I wanted...I felt like I needed to have everything planned out first, perfectly settled and secure. I hate the phrase "Have faith" (it sounds so...passive. Kind of like how destiny is for losers..."Just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen." Blair Waldorf lays down the truth)...but. Sometimes, it's true that this girl's gotta get some. 

That feeling, that sense that I was moving in the right direction, carried out throughout the rest of the day. Erica and I met up with my baby brother Dan, and we just simply had the best day ever. 



Please enjoy this heartwarming scene of a mother elephant trapped in a tar pit while her baby and mate look on helplessly!
ART!While hanging out with the two of them, I told them about how the first straw had come a few weeks before. Walking the three blocks from my place to the brewpub, I suddenly realized that I was done. I feel like I've been pretty damn patient these past few winters...I don't complain about the cold, I don't complain about the snow. But this last brutal winter beat it out of me, and I am fucking DONE. I've endured northern winters for the majority of my 35 years, and you know what I've learned from that? FUCK the four seasons. Why do I put myself through this? For what? Probably the most frustrating and futile thing we do in life is spending time and energy being mad at the weather. The only control we have over it is to choose a climate whose main type of weather we prefer over all others. And you know how people in Arizona live in November? In a state of TOTAL AND COMPLETE TEMPERATE COMFORT. It's like a totally different world, where people actually enjoy months like November, January, and March, instead of scowling and burrowing deeper under their pile of blankets. And so I'm over it. I'm taking those months back. I've got maybe one more winter left in me, and then I'm never going to miss snow again. 

Going to LA... it was kind of a test. By going there for a week, I wanted to cement whether I really wanted to move, or if I was merely tired of the cold and missing Erica and Daniel. Maybe I just needed a break? Maybe a week away would have me returning refreshed and excited for life in the Northwoods again. Did I really want to pack up my life and move, start all over again? This past year and a half, I had been working on building a life for myself in the Northwoods. I love the place I live in, I love the things I'm doing - The Dapper Dozen, Girl from the Northwoods, Tipsy Trivia - and I love the friends I've made. 

Yet the more time I spent away from the Northwoods, the more I began to see that those things are just not enough to keep me there. And it struck me how already crabby I was, at the thought of going home. 

"Yeah, Mom told me that she thinks that once your lease is up, you'll be out of there," my brother Daniel shared at dinner with Erica and Chris the next night, as we sat and talked about future plans. I nodded. Earlier that day, Erica, Chris, and I had hiked up the trail by the Griffith Observatory. 

Observe, at the Observatory!
Really love these two. 
WE ARE EXCITED.Initially overwhelmed by the mass of people congregating at the Observatory on a Saturday afternoon, I tried to think about what I would want to gain from living here, if I did. Erica, Chris, and I hiked further up the winding trail of the park, and I realized that I missed being in the center of things. I miss that feeling of being in a place where anything could happen. I don't like knocking my past or present experiences to support my desire for a future one, but...it works into that whole midlife crisis thing I talked about in Part 2. It's complicated. I still love the Northwoods, I'm grateful for the home it has become, and I love the things I'm doing here, but having that newfound sense of time being of the essence...I'm done fucking around. 

This is the face of total elation that comes from a water girl being right next to the sea.For so long, my dream has been to be closer to the sea, to the mountains. The idea of living in Washington has taken on an almost mythical quality ("Then I shalt go...to...WASHINGTON!"). It's the place that first comes to mind when I think of what I need to do and see to round out this life with grace. I don't have many regrets in my life. Maybe a few. One of them is this: If I could strap on my flux capacitor, I would shoot myself back to when I was 21 and tell myself to just fucking do it - move to Washington or Vancouver like I wanted to, that waitressing is the easiest job in the world and I could figure it all out when I got there. It's probably why I was a such a fan of Daniel following his dream of going into film by moving to LA after he graduated from college. "You can always move back," I remember telling him. Maybe it's time I took my own advice, yeah? 

I probably won't move to LA, though. I might. I don't know yet. I'm exploring ideas right now - the idea of living and working at the crossroads of writing and comedy and movie making is pretty freaking exciting - so if the right opportunity comes along, if it feels like the place I need to be...then yeah. I totally will. Most likely, though, I'll settle somewhere further up the coast. I'm planning an extended road trip next spring, where I'll explore Vancouver, Washington, Oregon, and California to see where it is that I might most want to live. 

Wherever I end up, I do know that I want it to only be a day trip or a short flight away from these guys:



And I'm not going right away. I've got a lease agreement until November 2015, and I like to keep my agreements. And there are still some things I want to accomplish in the meantime - we've got another Dapper Dozen calendar coming out, and I haven't done half of the things I've been dreaming about for Girl from the Northwoods. I fully plan on completely enjoying my time here, while I have it. 

(Even thought I was admittedly suuuuuper crabby about going back to Wisconsin...)


Yet instead of feeling like my life is wasting away here, the way I felt when I live in the Northwoods years ago, I feel like every day is simply bringing me closer to where I am meant to be. And it's been pretty rad, to have that to look forward it. It actually makes me enjoy being here more. Happy to take it all in, before I say goodbye. 

Dan's pretty excited about all of this, too. 
Seriously, that face.