A Confession From a Forsaken Landscape
My name is Brian Keene and I have a confession to make.
For the last decade, I have been trolling the Internet under an alternate identity known as Nickolaus Pacione.
That’s right. Nickolaus A. Pacione (Nicky to his friends) — the deranged man from Illinois who preys on minors — and who publishes authors’ work without their permission in his “publications” — and who has stalked, harassed, and/or threatened over four dozen of our peers including myself, Ramsey Campbell, Kealan Patrick Burke, Mary SanGiovanni, Ray Garton, Karen Koehler, David Niall Wilson, Cherie Priest, Darren McKeeman, Poppy Brite, Gabrielle Faust, Clive Barker, Mike Brendan, Brian Knight, and countless others — doesn’t exist. I made him up. He’s an alternate identity. There is no Nickolaus Pacione. There is no Lake Fossil Press or Broken Mindframe Books or Tabloid Purposes. It was all an elaborate prank played on the entire genre. And I feel that April Fool’s Day is the perfect time to come clean about this and admit the truth.
“But Brian,” you ask. “There are pictures of Nicky online, and countless videos of him threatening people, and there was the time he gained access to the HWA Membership Directory and called people at their homes to harass them. How did you pull that off?”
Well, the man you saw in pictures like this
And in videos like this
That man is actor Robert Baupader. Robert has played Nicky for over a decade now, but he’s afraid of getting typecast, so that’s another reason why I decided to go ahead and reveal the truth. I’d also like to thank the great Lewis, an unknown voice actor who lent us that ‘meth-crazed chipmunk on helium’ voice for all these years anytime “Nicky” called someone or made a video.
So… apologies to anyone who has been offended by Nicky’s antics over the last ten years. It was all in jest. And apologies to anyone who may have been Angry in Illinois. We never meant to cast a shadow on your fine state. No need to stab us with a Rusty Nail. It was all meant in good fun. Obviously, there is no need to submit to his various publishing projects or follow him on social media any longer. Now that I’ve revealed that Nickolaus Pacione was a fictional character, perhaps I’ll make up a new character named Lloyd Phillip Campbell, and troll with him for a while.
Happy April Fool’s Day to you all.
