How to deal with a bad review (or rejection in general)
Yesterday I had the dual experiences of receiving a less than stellar review (okay, fine, a stinky book review) and soundly denouncing a movie I saw last weekend.
Let’s suppose you’re an artist of some type in which the general public may offer an opinion about your work. Or, suppose you simply want something. Negative reviews and rejection are part of the game, part of life. The time is now to gird your loins and slather on a few layers of skin, because when the criticism comes – and it will – you’ll need to know how to take it.
After spending the last century with my colleagues (pictured below) combing the globe, using our super-computer to compile statistics gleaned from 84 very scientific-like studies based on an advanced form of telepathy we employed at coffee houses and big-box retailers, the following highly accurate list was compiled of best practices in dealing with bad reviews or rejection of any kind:
1. Yelling backwards
2. Watching Groundhog Day
3. Talking to fish about your feelings (living, not on a plate. Research shows this is 17% more effective if you’ve had a recently successful yoga session. A 1% additional increase if you drink water with a lemon wedge (no ice) while spilling your guts to the guppies.)
4. Rolling in the grass for two minutes and thirty seconds (dirt is acceptable in winter, but not snow. And NEVER ice.)
5. Ice cream consumption, three scoops, different flavors. One must contain nuts, one must have something chewy, and one must be chocolate – but the chocolate one can’t have nuts. (And, this goes without saying, so I feel funny even saying this, but you know litigation these days… #5 can’t be coupled with #2. Duh!)
6. Taking a bath – sans soap
7. Writing a Socratic dialogue in which you play Socrates (naturally) and the person who wrote or verbally assaulted you with the negative critique plays the other guy. You, Socrates, pick apart with high fashion, flare, and wit the poorly constructed rejection/review.
8. Crying ugly. Stop crying by distracting yourself (putting on glass [any kind] works well because they’ll fog up.) Repeat 4 times then clean out the refrigerator.
9. **
I hope my lifetimes of research on this facet of the creative life has helped or will help you. *
*These were the top nine, statically speaking. There’s an entire list to mine with thousands upon thousands of recommendations for dealing with this reality I’ve coined “notallthesameness.” Apparently, not all people think the same and have the same likes! Thank goodness I have reams of evidence to support such a wild claim.
I know. It’s shocking, but notallthesameness has been around for quite some time. My research shows it goes as far back as the phenomena known as “human.”
**It has been brought to my attention not everyone can read #9. Most probably you’ve forgotten to put in your contacts. You have? Well, then, you should probably blame the distractions of modern-day life. At least the picture should make it clear enough.
The majority of the cat photos by Michelle, David, and Kelly Fieser. Thank you!
