Overcoming Unmet Expectations
Our family just returned from a six day vacation in Seaside, Florida. We ruthlessly guard spring break as a family vacation and love going to the beach together.The week turned out to be beautiful and filled with memories, but it didn’t start that way.
When we arrived in Florida, so did the rain. In fact, for the first three days of vacation, we looked at the ocean from our condo because it poured down rain.
What surprised me, as we sat inside watching movies, wasn’t the rain; it was how amazing everyone navigated what was obviously an unmet expectation. We haven’t always handled situations like that well.
Twelve years ago we had our worst vacation ever. Trish and I were six months into starting a church and one week away from Easter. We had very little money, but we needed a vacation badly. So for spring break, we booked a 600 sq ft condo in Destin. It was going to be awesome. The boys were 5 and 3 and 4 months old and they could play on the beach all week (which would be cheap) and we could relax.
It rained every day. Every. Day. It rained. What was meant to be vacation, wasn’t vacation. It was our chaotic life, cooped up in a 600 sq ft apartment. We were miserable. We argued with the boys about going to the beach. We argued with each other about money. Trish and I just argued. The vacation was so bad, we left a day early to come home because we were so sideways with each other.
What do you do when expectations aren’t met? How do you overcome unmet expectations? Whether it be a date night, a vacation, or a conversation, there are going to be times when expectations are high, and go unmet. How do you keep those unmet expectations in check?
1. Speak it out.
An unspoken expectation will usually lead to an unmet expectation. Many of us carry hurt and anger toward our spouse for expectations that have gone unmet but that we’ve never communicated. Sharing your expectations will enable your spouse to know what you desire rather than be held hostage to an expectation they know nothing about.
2. Give up your need to have everything go your way.
There are times we’ve had a miserable trip or a disappointing date night simply because I was pouting that things were playing out like I thought they should. Sometimes we rob ourselves of enjoying sacred moments with our spouse or family because it isn’t going how we planned. We forfeit memories for the sake of control.
3. Refuse to make a big deal out of little issues.
Many of us can’t overcome unmet expectations because we give level ten responses to level two issues. We are always on edge and our family is always on edge. We could enjoy life, marriage and our kids much more if we would just relax a little. Not every issue is a big deal.
4. Appreciate your season.
One of the biggest regrets I have as a parent is not appreciating our current season. If you’re going to overcome unmet expectations, enjoy time not things. Look at the time you have as the gift, not the result of that time. I wish I would have cherished the rainy time in Destin twelve years ago, not resented it. Appreciate the season you are in and joy will follow.
We don’t always get this right, but we are learning. What would you add to the list?
