Why the #AmtrakResidency isn’t for me. (But thanks for sharing it with me, everyone on the whole internet.)

Confession: I don't get the Amtrak writer's residency thing. I know I'm supposed to be losing my mind over it, as I can clearly see the rest of the internet has. Numerous people have shared the link with me, excitedly pointing to this as possibly the best thing the internet has ever produced for me. And I'm just not interested.
Sorry! It's totally cool that everyone else is, but here's why I, a full-time, professional writer, won't be applying:

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