A Difficult Week Ahead

Photo of the inside of our minivan running through the car wash.
Today is Monday. I'm doing my normal morning chores of dogs, dishes, laundry and the budget. I'm looking forward to a new class at the gym tonight: Yoga for Athletes.

Tuesday will be routine as well.

Wednesday I have my six month full body skin exam by my dermatologist. It normally ends with three moles to be biopsied. One that the doc is concerned about but I'm not. One I'm concerned about but she isn't. And one that spooks us both. I'm a malignant melanoma patient. Nine years ago, a stage zero melanoma was removed from my left shoulder blade. It was a miracle my gynecologist nurse practitioner told me to have it checked. It was large and irregular, but a normal reddish tan color. It was the rarest form of melanoma, the kind with no pigment. I've since been to several dermatologists as determined by my health insurance coverage. I've been told more than once that I am a dermatologist's worst nightmare because of the absence of pigment. I really like the lady I'm seeing now and she is hyper-vigilant which is good, but also painful and disfiguring. Anything she has a hunch about gets removed. I'm prone to ugly raised purple keloid scars. My back is scary. I had one on my chest from my last biopsy that was irritated by my puppy. The doc was spooked by the looks of it, so she excised it. This time taking 4 cm. of skin. Leaving a much larger scar on my chest near my collar bone. I had a laser treatment on it last week, it's supposed to help lighten it. Anyhow, it was just a scar, there was no cancer found in the pathology.

So much for ever wearing necklaces again. They'll irritate it and she'll re-excise it and I'll have a bigger scar. I'm excited to wear scarves instead of jewelry. It's all good. And just to put it out there, I've never had a suntan, never been to the tanning bed and always slathered on sunscreen. And I have melanoma. Get yourself checked, please.

Thursday I will attend my beautiful sister Beth's funeral with full honors at Arlington National Cemetery. She enlisted in the Air Force as a clarinet player and retired two years ago as the superintendent of the President's Air Force Band. She was subsequently diagnosed with lung cancer, which she hid from me. I found out a week before she passed. She was a non-smoker.

I have no idea what the rest of the week will bring. Hoping for peace and closure and gratitude for my privileged life. Like our minivan caked in winter slush, I just need to make it to Friday and run through a rainbow to wash away the dread and sadness.