They’re Coming
Twelve gloomy faces stared at me expectantly. What do they want, I thought; the truth? They’ll never believe it. I have to tell them something though. I listened to all of their horrifying stories. My mind turned over many different lies that I could tell them, but I knew that each was no good as soon as the ideas ran through my mind. They’ve surely heard of my story to the police and papers. They all think I’m insane already, so what do I have to lose? I looked at each of their eager faces. They were tired faces, full of self-loathing and dark secrets. They look like me, I thought. Why not tell them the truth? What harm could it do? I raised the small Styrofoam cup to my lips, drained the gritty remnants of decaf at the bottom, and then began to speak.
“My name is Brian Chambers, and I’m an alcoholic. I was ordered to come to these meetings by a judge after I plead guilty for filing a false police report.”
I looked around the circle at their faces again, nobody said a word.
“I’m not going to say that on the night that I’m about to tell you about I wasn’t drunk – I was, very drunk. But I believed then and still believe today that what occurred actually happened.”
I paused again and looked at their faces. None of them were about to breathe a word. I had their undivided attention.
“Okay, so, I crawled into bed that night around two a.m. I think that I remember that right. Normally I would crash around that time and not wake up until the following morning when my alarm went off, but that night, something woke me up much earlier. It was if someone let off a camera flash right in front of my face. Anyways, when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t see anything in my room. It was too dark, you see? So, I hear this growling sound coming from the end of my bed and I grab my lighter off of my night-stand and turn on the flame. There, inside my bedroom, staring down at me hungrily with drool hanging from its large jaws was what I could only describe as a werewolf.”
“What you do?” Ted Martini asked. He was the guy who killed his neighbor’s dog in a fit of drunken rage.
“Whatcha think I did?” I said. “I got the hell out of there! I launched myself out of bed and actually felt the thing’s claws swiping at me as I ran – just the air from them I mean, but boy did it scare the shit out of me. I hit the door, closed it behind me, and then ran straight for the guest room across the hall. When I opened the guest room door, you know what happened?”
In perfect unison, the group that I often referred to as the circle-jerk shook their heads.
“At least four sets of zombie arms poked out from behind the door. Those suckers were trying their damndest to claw me good.”
“How did you know that they were zombies,” Mark Phillips, the guy who set his mother on fire while hopped outta his mind on meth asked. He thought that he was freeing her captive spirit or something. I dunno, the guy’s a real loose-screw. Ya know?
“Gee, I dunno,” I said, “maybe because the arms were all grey and dead looking and shit. You think I dunno what a fucking zombie arm looks like, buddy? So, anyways, I try to fight the undead bastards back into the room so I can close the door, but they were just too strong for me. So, I let go of the door and made a bee-line down stairs. I’m not sure if they followed me, I guess they must’ve, but it didn’t matter because when I reached the bottom of the stairs, that’s when I ran into the vampires.”
“Vampires?” Hilda Moreno, the lady who sold her baby for a hit of crack said, gasping.
“Yeah, that’s what I said, ain’t it? There were three of them. They were big fuckers too – two blocking the kitchen and one in front of the front door. I thought about turning around and taking my ass back upstairs, but I already knew what was up there. So, I did what little bit I could do – yes, I cowered at the bottom of the stairs and started to cry. Some man I am, right?”
“So, what did you do?” Tom Kendal, the guy who gave up his homosexual virginity for a night of drunken fun asked.
“What?” I asked. “Aren’t you listening? I fucking cowered from them. I cowered and cried as they moved towards me with their large fangs and pinched-up, bat-like faces. I’ve seen tons of vampire movies in my life, believe me, but I’ve never seen anything like that. They were covered in short, black hair and almost looked like the werewolf upstairs, but not quite as ugly, you know? The only reason I knew that they were vampires is because of those large, gawdawful fangs. Jeez, they were long. Oh, and sharp as all hell too. So, they creep up on me all sinister and shit and I can’t think of anything else to do, so I close my eyes and wait for them to attack me. You know, to suck out my blood and stuff, but they don’t. Through my closed eyes, I begin to see a flickering bright light. I opened my eyes, against my better judgment and there standing right in front of me is a small dude with a big, enormous head. I mean, that thing was huge. He had the big, bug-eyes and everything. Anyway, the alien dude, he has this crazy-looking machine-thing in his hands. It kind of looked like one of those remote controls from the eighties and shit. He scans it over my body and stops right over my heart. He must’ve found what he was looking for cause after a couple of seconds; he gives me this fucked-up little wink and disappears in another one of those bright flashes. I flinched away and when I looked back, he was gone – they all were. I called the cops and well, you know the rest. I ended up here with you guys.
“The court believed that you were too far under the influence to be a viable witness, right?” Doctor Evans said. “You actually admitted that you could’ve dreamed it all, right?”
“Yeah, doc, I said that – but only so I could beat the false report rap. I know what I saw, and I stand by my report to this day. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t belong here. I am an alcoholic, trust me – after listening to these other whiny bastards for the last few months, I know that one for sure. But I know what I saw. It was a fucking alien. I think that it was trying to figure out what I am afraid of or something.”
“So,” The doctor said, “You’re saying that you think that what you experienced actually happened?”
“Are all of you fucking stupid?” I said. “Of course it happened. They’re coming. They’re coming and you better be ready for them. They pick on the weak because they know that nobody will believe them. You better be ready when they do come though. I’m telling you all. You just better be ready for that shit.”
With that, I got up and left. I don’t have time for closed-minded mutherfuckers. I have too much to do, too much to prepare for. When the end does come, I hope all of you out there are ready. I know that I will be.
