No More Hitting

There's a scene the Season 3 finale of Sherlock (please note: I love Sherlock) where Molly slaps Sherlock. She does it three times. She does it because she's upset that he's wasting the precious gift of his mind on drugs.

In Reality Boy, by A.S. King (please note: I love Amy's work), Gerald's girlfriend, Hannah, punches him in the shoulder "playfully," although in fact she's also slightly annoyed. He asks her not to do it and she makes light of his request, saying it was just a joke. He agrees that it's a funny joke for most people (a notion that I'm challenging, see below), but explains that he has suffered abuse from his sister, and being punched reminds him of that. I wish Gerald hadn't qualified that he was unusual or different in not finding this funny, so that Hannah (and readers) would learn the general case, rather than the specific.

In a popular YA fantasy series (which I adore in every other way) the female heroine hauls off and punches a male character when she finds out that he has been disguising himself—hiding his real name and title; i.e. lying about who he is.

Three cases of people hitting people, in ways that are meant to be amusing, in a trope that's so entrenched we hardly notice it anymore. And specifically, three cases of women hitting men, and not in self-defense. Is this funny? Is this appropriate? As authors, readers, and consumers, should we be encouraging this trope?

In most cases, the trope "works" because the heroine is "spunky," and the recipient of her blows is "a gentleman" (even if he's the scraggly kind), meaning he won't fight back. In many cases, the implicit message is that the (usually) male character is a "rascal" and he somehow "deserves" it. In addition to being a gentleman, this is often why he accepts the blow—in his heart he knows he deserves it. But if we examine this on a deeper layer, do we want to promote the notion that a woman can smack a man if he disappointed her in some way? Aren't we shoring up an outdated, fundamentally sexist stereotype when we portray a woman hitting a man with impunity because he's "honorable" enough to take it?

What is the correct way to convey the message "You're wasting your talent?" Is it slapping, and expecting no retaliation? How do we say, "You're irritating the crap out of me" or, "You lied to me"? I move that we do it in words, not blows, and put an end to this emotionally damaging movie- and book-trope. It's never amusing to touch someone when they don't want to be touched. It's never funny to hit someone, knowing they won't hit back. It's abuse, pure and simple. It's a perversion of the honor code that "men shouldn't hit women," which should really be an honor code that no one should hit anyone.