Of two minds about a spanking - dabbling in a DD mindset
It has been noted by many, if not all of you in the TTWD community the difference a mindset plays in how you take a spanking. I've heard if you're angry, it doesn't hurt so much, if you're role playing you can take a lot more, but if you genuinely feel bad about something, it's the worst spanking ever.
We don't really do DD. My husband was not interested in spanking outside of the sexual realm, and I was happy just to get spanked. But he did know that I thought real punishment was hot and wanted to experience it. You may recall my post a few months ago about my first Naughty Girl punishment. I have to say, even that one, though used to resolve a fight, was purely sexual in its overtones.
Since then my husband has played with using real things to spank me for-- nothing big, just things that actually annoy him. One day, he pulled me into the "mud room" (we don't call them that in Arizona, but that's essentially what it is) and made me count how many reuseable grocery bags I had, then bent me over the washing machine and gave me one stroke of his belt for each one (fourteen!). It was super hot, but as our kids had friends over and we were standing in the mud room, could not brought to a happy conclusion at the time.
That was the first time I experienced the curious mixture of feelings. I knew it wasn't a serious spanking, yet I also felt actually chastised over annoying my husband with my assortment of reuseable grocery bags (hey- I'm green, what I can say?). I experienced a bit of what I might call "sub drop" and returned to seek out my bewildered mate to hold me until I recovered. I chalked it up to the lack of sex/orgasm afterward.
The next time was something equally innocuous. This time there was hot sex involved. My husband pulled this hot scene where he made me spread out the tablecloth I had sent out for his company's brunch that had a fresh stain on it and then kneel on it and suck his cock while he whipped me. It was delicious, but again, afterward, I had an oddly chastised feeling. Obviously, I should've washed the tablecloth before I sent it out, but big picture, no big deal. Still, I had what I was calling "sub drop." I felt like curling up in a ball and crying. He held me afterward and told me what a good wife I was, and it passed fairly quickly.
Then we had this moment in Amsterdam. We were tired and hungry and had just arrived the airport after walking the city all afternoon. My husband said we should go one way, I questioned it. He came up next to me and said he was going to spank me later for not letting him lead. Normally, this would be an exciting statement to me. I think fatigue contributed to my emotional response-- I felt totally demoralized.
The next day we discussed it, and agreed neither of us wants to go there. Spanking should be fun, not a source of angst in our relationship.
That should be the end of the story, but it's not. Not quite. On the drive to Bristol, my husband pulled over in a remote spot and ordered me to follow him into the thicket, where he told me to put my hands against a tree. He whipped me, giving me a talking to about who was in charge, and who I was (his slut) and what my job was (to suck his cock). It was perfectly delicious, yet when we got back in the car and I had the curious desire to hide my face in my scarf in humiliation.
Then I noted it so distinctly-- my mind tugging in two different directions: one--the old way--the one that sees any and all spankings as white-hot fantasy fulfillment, and the other--the new one I had been trying on--one of shame and guilt, as if I were truly a bad girl. You can guess that this time I made the correct choice, and recovered without the threatening sub-drop.
Who knows where TTWD will lead us in the future, but for now it seems best for us to stick to good-girl spankings or very clearly "role-play" only because dabbling in DD where we don't have a DD structure in place does not seem a healthy route for me emotionally.
We don't really do DD. My husband was not interested in spanking outside of the sexual realm, and I was happy just to get spanked. But he did know that I thought real punishment was hot and wanted to experience it. You may recall my post a few months ago about my first Naughty Girl punishment. I have to say, even that one, though used to resolve a fight, was purely sexual in its overtones.
Since then my husband has played with using real things to spank me for-- nothing big, just things that actually annoy him. One day, he pulled me into the "mud room" (we don't call them that in Arizona, but that's essentially what it is) and made me count how many reuseable grocery bags I had, then bent me over the washing machine and gave me one stroke of his belt for each one (fourteen!). It was super hot, but as our kids had friends over and we were standing in the mud room, could not brought to a happy conclusion at the time.
That was the first time I experienced the curious mixture of feelings. I knew it wasn't a serious spanking, yet I also felt actually chastised over annoying my husband with my assortment of reuseable grocery bags (hey- I'm green, what I can say?). I experienced a bit of what I might call "sub drop" and returned to seek out my bewildered mate to hold me until I recovered. I chalked it up to the lack of sex/orgasm afterward.
The next time was something equally innocuous. This time there was hot sex involved. My husband pulled this hot scene where he made me spread out the tablecloth I had sent out for his company's brunch that had a fresh stain on it and then kneel on it and suck his cock while he whipped me. It was delicious, but again, afterward, I had an oddly chastised feeling. Obviously, I should've washed the tablecloth before I sent it out, but big picture, no big deal. Still, I had what I was calling "sub drop." I felt like curling up in a ball and crying. He held me afterward and told me what a good wife I was, and it passed fairly quickly.
Then we had this moment in Amsterdam. We were tired and hungry and had just arrived the airport after walking the city all afternoon. My husband said we should go one way, I questioned it. He came up next to me and said he was going to spank me later for not letting him lead. Normally, this would be an exciting statement to me. I think fatigue contributed to my emotional response-- I felt totally demoralized.
The next day we discussed it, and agreed neither of us wants to go there. Spanking should be fun, not a source of angst in our relationship.That should be the end of the story, but it's not. Not quite. On the drive to Bristol, my husband pulled over in a remote spot and ordered me to follow him into the thicket, where he told me to put my hands against a tree. He whipped me, giving me a talking to about who was in charge, and who I was (his slut) and what my job was (to suck his cock). It was perfectly delicious, yet when we got back in the car and I had the curious desire to hide my face in my scarf in humiliation.
Then I noted it so distinctly-- my mind tugging in two different directions: one--the old way--the one that sees any and all spankings as white-hot fantasy fulfillment, and the other--the new one I had been trying on--one of shame and guilt, as if I were truly a bad girl. You can guess that this time I made the correct choice, and recovered without the threatening sub-drop.
Who knows where TTWD will lead us in the future, but for now it seems best for us to stick to good-girl spankings or very clearly "role-play" only because dabbling in DD where we don't have a DD structure in place does not seem a healthy route for me emotionally.
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