What Is A Birthday Ungift?

Photo Credit  - Rebecca Selah

In addition to all other inalienable Birthday rights, I hereby add – The Birthday Purge and the Birthday Ungift.

Birthday Ungift (noun) – Something you give up on your birthday that makes you happy to have it out of your life.
Birthday Purge (verb) – The act or process of choosing and removing Birthday Ungifts from your life.

In addition to receiving gifts on your birthday, you are allowed to get rid of a thing you no longer want, without question, regardless of the value or source. That thing that you are giving back to the world is your Birthday Ungift. The process of ungifting it is called a Birthday Purge.

Examples of ungifts would be crappy appliances or just cancelling the subscription to that magazine you never read. Could be that gaudy figurine that your aunt left you in her will.  Or that stupid bowling trophy that you never liked anyway. Could be that bent fork that annoys you every time you pick it out of the silverware drawer.

Maybe you recycle your ungift. Or maybe you give it away. Maybe you throw it in the trash. Maybe you pour a gallon of gasoline on it and burn it at midnight while dancing and singing praises to the elder gods.

How you get rid of your ungift doesn’t matter. If it makes your life simpler, easier or less cluttered, or if it just makes you happy to be rid of it, your birthday gives you permission to choose an ungift for yourself and remove it from your life.

Yours Darkly,
Conrad Zero