Are you a lexophile?

As a writer, I love playing with words.  I'm not very good at it, so I especially admire those who are.  "Lexophile" is a word used to describe those who love using words in rather unique ways, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." 

A competition to see who can come up with the best one is held every year. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

. The batteries were given out free of charge.

. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

. A will is a dead giveaway.

... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

. When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

. Police were called to a day careCenter where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:

. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.