Where Is My Enthusiasm?

From time-to-time, we lose our way a bit. Distractions or pure bloody laziness are usually to blame. For the last several weeks, it has been the latter for me. I can’t be bothered to meditate I really can’t. I feel flat – not down – but flat, lacking in excitement and with no zest at all for anything. It’s a strange feeling. A bit like treading water or something. Is it the weather, the time of year, my age???? Who knows? In a couple of weeks or so, we move back to Brno and I am hoping that a change of scenery makes the difference and rekindles the fires.

What is missing is enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm has always been my driving force. The fuel for my engine. My inner fire. Enthusiasm is similar to desire but it supports desire in the sense that it feeds and drives the desire to action and hopefully results. My enthusiasm has gone. But where the hell did it go and why? I have been looking for it around the house but to be honest, I don’t really know what it looks like and so I haven’t found it. How do you get enthusiasm back? Does anyone know? If you happen to see my enthusiasm somewhere, please chase it back.

Thanks!

I wrote a poem many years ago that seems to fit my mood. It’s called Gone again and it appeared in my first book of poetry – Weird Tales. Here it is…

Gone Again

Gone again

Hardly a moment to spare

I don’t know where life is leading

And I don’t really care

Gone again

Was I ever really there?

Slot machine bingo

Maniacal stares

Readily unfolding

In front of me

Unzip and down to flesh again

Automatic eyes

Lasered to see

Pull another cocktail

Molotov type

Shoving it down inside

Deep inside

Dilation and comforting sensation

Try me

I am on your side

Gone again

Not a moment to spare

God only knows what I am doing

And he doesn’t care

Gone again

Was I ever really there?

Tagged: Happiness, Poems for the little room, Poetry, Weird Tales