Lust and Relationships

As a frequent reader of advice columns*, I can say with some confidence that one should not underestimate the importance of mutual attraction in maintaining a romantic relationship. Even couples that include one or more asexuals need some additional romantic spark, even if it's not 'sexual' in the conventional sense of the word. That said, a relationship needs a lot more than mutual lust to make it successful as a partnership beyond an extended 'vague acquaintances-with-benefits' arrangement.

Fictionland appears to have missed this memo. There are legions of couples who appear to have little in common, or even be seriously incompatible, even though the audience is assured they are each other's One True Love. Then again, these couples have usually spent much of the story arc in an extended game of 'will they or won't they' and don't get together until the end, so we don't get to see whether or not their union makes it past the 8-year mark.

A key part of this problem is that much attention is spent on building up the idea that these characters have physical chemistry, at the expense of showing any other aspects of their relationship. Furthermore, for the sake of sustaining a 'will they or won't they' tease, the sexual attraction is usually portrayed as bickering (and sometimes downright antagonism). I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a nod to Much Ado About Nothing. However, those bickering characters worked because the bickering was a manifestation of their similarly witty personalities-- they don't bicker because they fundamentally get on each other's nerves, but because they have a similar communication style (snarky banter) and find this fun.

Yes, fictional romances have an element of wish fulfillment. But on some level remembering this makes the incongruity of the mismatched 'True Love' even more apparent. The writer has full control over their story, and can make their characters compatible enough for a believable relationship if the reader is going to believe the pair has truly fallen in love.

*Everyone is allowed a strange guilty pleasure. It also helps me in writing dysfunctional characters.