STARS of 2013!

Each year that passes I think the world of celebrity can’t possibly get more outrageous and brilliant – and then it does. This means I never have to look far for a gripping, scandalous storyline for my next bonkbuster. Real-life people, a seed of something special that catches my eye and makes me want to know more, inspire much of my books. Who’s grabbing headlines? Why? What really goes on in the fastest lane of all? Here’s who stood out for me in 2013…

 

Miley Cyrus

OMFG: put your tongue away! 2013 was undoubtedly The Year Of Miley’s Tongue, and we didn’t need to see it in the first place let alone twelve hundred times. Yes, the queen of squeaky-clean Disney reinvented herself this year by sticking us the finger, and what a show it was: We Can’t Stop featured stuffed deer, Barbies snogging in swimming pools and faces made of bread; she managed to get twerking into the dictionary; did that performance with stripy-trousered Robin Thicke at the VMAs; and, of course, had an open slanging match with troubled singer Sinead O’ Connor. Never one to be deterred by the critics, Miley answered back with her much-parodied video for Wrecking Ball, in which she licks a sledgehammer. And, er, rocks about on a lump of concrete wearing nothing but a pair of DMs. Contrary to popular consensus, I don’t believe that Miley has lost it. I think she knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s doing it well: she’s manipulating the machine that manipulated her. Miley’s a smart girl, and I can’t wait to see what the New Year will bring. Just hopefully not nearly so much of the inside of her mouth.

 

Robin Thicke

Back to Stripy Pants and Ms Cyrus’s partner in crime at the VMAs: 2013 was the year in which Robin Thicke burst on to the scene with his oiled otter hair, indoor shades, borderline-Benny-Hill vid for Blurred Lines, and a hand clamped on a fan’s arse, which, unfortunately for him (and his wife) was rumbled when he decided to pose for the picture in front of a mirror. Like Miley, Robin has been in the industry a long time, and has waited years for his big moment. I did a little investigating (it’s research, ahem) and found a disturbing single RT produced a few years back with Snoop called ‘It’s In The Morning’. This track needs to be listened to in order to be fully appreciated, but basically it’s about Robin advancing menacingly on someone the second they wake up, and in it he talks about his girl being ‘marinated overnight’. Make of that what you will. I made a sound like sick coming up in my mouth.

 

Justin Bieber

So is it better to toil for ages for the big reward, or to have it from the very start? 2013 has been a rollercoaster year for the Biebs, racking up a catalogue of nightmares for his PR by weeing in restaurants, punching paps, swearing at fans, writing in the visitor book at the Anne Frank Museum the immortal words ‘Hopefully she would have been a belieber’, and generally losing his shit. In December, along came news of his alleged retirement. Justin certainly could, it’s not like he needs the money – but does he need the fame? Could he survive without the attention, if it’s all he’s ever known? I find this one of the most intriguing aspects of fame – same with Britney, arguably Miley – what happens when that person loves and loathes their celebrity in equal measure? Does it become an addiction, a punishment, both? What might Bieber do next? I for one can’t wait to find out, whether he’s still in the industry or not.

 

Lady Gaga

Perhaps as accustomed to the limelight as Biebs is the irrepressible steak-bereted Gaga. The pop pioneer’s comeback this year wasn’t as electric as she’d hoped, especially when Applause got eclipsed by Katy Perry’s return shot Roar (but give me Gaga’s quirky, weird brilliance any day over KP) but it made me very happy to have her back on the scene. A highlight was Gaga’s bizarre and vivid performance on UK X Factor. Bloody hell – I mean what was that? Gaga writhing around the stage, ripping wigs off, gyrating on a piano, pretending to be The Birth of Venus. It was a raw, strange, peculiar showdown but I couldn’t take my eyes from it. X Factor received a ton of complaints, but whatever the critics say no one can deny that Gaga – unlike many of the show’s contestants – has that star quality in spades. Gaga is a rare icon these days, a genuine chameleon that manages to sustain an air of mystique despite rampant and relentless media surveillance. She’s got my applause.

 

James Arthur

Also skulking out on this year’s X Factor was last year’s shamefaced winner. James could have nailed 2013. His debut single was really good and his voice is, I think, superb. But James choked on his fame too soon. He became a twat. At first his Twitter outbursts were funny, and some of them I kind of agreed with, but then he set a bomb under 1D fans and you never want to mess with those. Soon he was slating anyone who dared express an opinion against him, then capped this off with an acid rant against fellow contestant Lucy Spraggan after she called up him on a stupid thing he said in one of his songs. The odd thing is that James is so fiercely anti the marketing machine that drives all these acts – including his own. He slags commercial enterprises (making an exception for Little Mix because they are on his record label), and yet he is a product, and has these opportunities, directly because of one. James needs to shut up for a while and do what he’s good at, which is making music.

 

What fascinates me is how different celebs deal with fame, and at what cost. Some can, some can’t. Some reinvent, some retire. But they are always fantastic springboards for a bonkbuster, and for that reason I cannot wait to see what 2014 will bring… Can you?

Victoria x

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