Who Goes There? Ally or Adversary?

Some difficult relationships are not Rivals or Adversaries; they are just different or annoying.
I recall facilitating a high-performing team program for a sales organization in a major tech company. Two senior team members were David and Stephen, who had been in conflict with each other for months. The relationship had deteriorated to such an extent that David saw Stephen as his Adversary and treated him as such.
Since they had never discussed their relationship, or the fact that David saw it as adversarial, they were stuck in a behavior loop that was starting to impact others on the team. True to form, the two sat at opposite ends of the table and barely acknowledged each other’s presence.
As part of the program, we were utilizing the MBTI® (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) personality profile to better understand the differences within the team and their client relationships. Once the MBTI styles had been discussed and we had completed a number of activities to bring the theory alive, David realized that his colleague was his exact opposite in terms of preferences.
They weren’t trying to annoy each other on purpose, they both simply “couldn’t help it.”
As a result of that session, they were able to sit down and discuss strategies for working more effectively together—strategies that were built on common ground—and identify adjustments each could make.
This didn’t require a personality transplant but took into account the different needs of each person and the overarching goals of the team.