the Ramblings of a writer ~ Editing Hell

So it wasn’t but a few days ago, I get an email from Author Brynn Stein to remind me I am scheduled to come hang out at his place on the 3rd… {which has been  duplicated  here, because the gifs didnt work out too well at his place, and coincidently I also discovered Brynn is a ‘she’. Who’da thunk? We’d never met before until now, but we laughed it up and decided to keep this rant of mine as is making it even a little more funnier}. No on to explain why my guest blog turned into a writer’s rant…

…this was exactly what my first reaction was. Because in all honesty, I had no idea I had even made the cut to come crash the party. Brynn, of course, in his ‘reminder’ for the date I wasn’t prepared for, was wonderful in offering himself to help out with suggestions. Such as, if I wanted to share a new or coming soon release, or do an interview, etc… about the only thing he didn’t offer was a male review lap dance…

I know, right? The nerve of some men.

Anyhoo, I had none of these glorious suggestions he made, prepared. I am up to my eyeballs, drowning in editing hell, and nowhere near getting a new book out for neither myself and for my twin, Talon ps {shhh, do NOT repeat that too loud… or the mop of Talon fans will come after me L it wont be pretty}; Now while interviews can be fun and useful when the audience knows they are getting a peek of the internal gears of an author they like…. but Me? I am the author ‘whoopy’ for a fan of 1. So what was I to do?

Brynn, of course, completely understood the editing ‘nightmare’ phrased as hell and offered to put me on the back burner until I was ready…

Oh, no you don’t, Honey child… ain’t nobody standing me up. You made a date and we’re on.

First…  how’s the humor over there? His response was: “It’s good…”

Let’s just hope its ^ this ^ good. Because todays lesson boys and girls is about EDITING HELL.

Yes, that’s right…. if you {blog readers present} were mirroring Mr. Rogers’ sentiments just now at my suggestion of talking about editing, then you, my friend, are an author, and you know exactly where I am coming from. Nevertheless, even if you did not pull out your pet, Bird of Finger, for show-n-tell, make no bones about it… it ain’t fun. But while I have been in the never ending vortex of literary repair, I have learned that many readers don’t entirely get how complicated and frustrating that can be. {The sympathy for me was lacking on my facebook, which drew me to this conclusion} Though, many readers, {especially book reviewers}, have no short comings about pointing the lack of editing out if you missed more than one type-o or over embellished the defining stretch of a synonym.

                   

 

Now let me just first say… it is Hard, as in, not even the good nine-inches-of-iron-flesh-good kind of hard {sorry, I was not allowed to insert a gif for this visual} to find an Editor that’s right for you. Magic words there –right for you– because never mind the grammar stuff, that’s a given fix to be had. But first, you really need someone who enjoys your genre &/or can get into your writing style{voice}; as part of your editor’s job is to make sure your ‘style’ doesn’t come across as pig-latin to the readers. And writers, lose the ‘but it’s my stpry’ bit. You can have the next best thing, but if you aren’t getting what’s in your head transcribed into digital words with enough clarification…. tt won’t matter. By the way, if your editor is condemning you to the bowels of humanity {true story}  because your protagonist exacted revenge on the killer of her daughter and still got to go to heaven to be with her lost child, instead of being condemned of her sins… well then that Editor may not be the editor for you. It’s just a thought. And this is often the same reaction we writers of Erotica or MM fiction {of any subgenre} become faced with…

 

Soooo … you wrote a book. WHOOHOO! Give yourself a pat on the back.

Now comes the hard-hard part… succumbing to the Grammar Nazi of Doom. However, in truth, the Vulcan Grammar Nazi IS and will FOREVER BE your best friend, but that doesn’t mean they are going to make life easy for you. Mine and Talon’s certainly won’t, she refuses to follow me around and edit my facebook posts, I couldn’t even get her to look at this… because while I am in editing hell, so assuredly is she. So ignore my dyslexia errors, {which includes but not limited to: flipped letters, flipped homonyms and other randomness when my brain and hands are trying to do their own thing despite each other – blame them}

And in your search for the right editor, you may find yourself going through a number of them. In a time where self-publishing seems so easy {at first glance}… so is picking up the self-entitlement of being an Editor. Some just don’t cut the mustard  while others can just tear you apart.

 

However, persevere in your search, because what you are attempting to avoid is a reader reaction like this…

 

And hopefully somewhere along the gains of reader fans, a little something way more fun and appreciative will find you and love your books:

Still, even if a crowd of screaming girl-fans is a little more than your expectations, even a quiet reaction like this would be great, right?

 

Moving along, somewhere down the road you find your match, {insert ‘Match Maker’ tunes} and you convince them to take you in and do the ugly work you can’t seem to see or just refuse to face the reality that you are not as perfect as you think you are… talented yes… but then you already know the whole story. Now comes the test to ensure that so will your readers and it often sounds something like this…

By the way, sweet sentiments and chocolates don’t seem to have any lasting effect on editors. It’s as if they were immune… “I lurves joo…”

 

NOW after a week or two of waiting {miserably}, you get your edited file back {which aside from looking somewhat like a Pride Parade of editor notes, may be the first of many rounds to come} and the whole process there after goes something like this:

Then you might be apt to send a venting response to your editor that reads remotely like this:

After some pressure release…

And some well worth-the-time, assing-off on Tumblr to avoid doing what you know you are supposed to be doing… your editing adventure starts to take on a more focused and hands-on involvement of your story’s development {**passes the tissue box to Brynn** I didn’t mean THAT kind of hands-on, besides ^he’s^ mine… I found him first}.

Now where was I? Oh yeah, boxers or briefs… no no, editing, we were talking about editing and you’re…

Are you crying? There’s no crying in Editing!…

But there is a good chance of showers this day and believe me when I say, its best to stay clear for a day or two because there is more reaction to come… ones of this continuing sort of nature:

     

The best thing to do is to just get it out of your system. Because soon after, a friend… a hubs… most likely though, it will be your beloved editor, {you do to love them, stop saying that}, as they are well aware they just stomped all over your baby, and depending on the level of chocolate and warm-fuzzy-thought immunities that ail them, you’ll get one of the following two reactions…

    

 

Or perhaps both; in order to pull you out of your grief stricken collapse and get on with the crafting of your extraordinary story. {incedently, the rolled up newspaper smarts}

Alas, the moment comes when the boot-camp suffering has paid off; when you finally look at your editor and Bestie {sometimes they are one and the same}, with a bit of lingering trepidation…

It’s often the same feeling as stage fright. After all, you have gone through ‘Editing Hell’ so that your readers get to become immersed in your world for just a moment.

A time of the day when page flipping becomes a physical endurance sport.

But, DO NOT, dear, dear, wondrous mage of words, forget the pain and suffering you put yourself through for them. For in the next book, you will get to exact your revenge on your readers, and as Alfred Hitchcock often said…

 

ABOUT THIS AUTHOR

Princess so and her twin, Talon ps love to torment their editor with a nefarious world of foreign-lang, slang, local dialect, stretched/outside-of-the-box definitions, and have even been known to throw in some con-lang at times. This, of course, is all thrown in there with the dyslexia soup stock they both suffer from that makes editing with them a joy {joy: n see mental illness}. But the final product comes out as richly detailed holographic worlds of Paranormal, Sci-fi, and Gay/MM Erotic Romance; War-time Romances; and along with Prin’s favorite works of Post-Apocalyptic Dark Fantasies.

Come laugh it up with htem at

Website:

www.talon-ps.com

The Twin’s facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Talon-ps-Princess-so/240542056008862

Talon’s facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/Talonps?fref=ts

Princess’ facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/princess.obriot