The Joys of Affection

I remember being pregnant and sitting in the rocking chair in what would be my daughter’s room and imagining rocking her, snuggling with her, holding her. I even ordered her a onesie with the words “Snuggle Bunny” because I was so looking forward to lavishing affection on her. I didn’t know a lot about babies. I didn’t know how to swaddle them, for example, or how to deal with reflux, but I had been around babies. I knew they liked to be held and cuddled. I had held and cuddled any number of them.

Imagine my surprise then when my daughter did not want to be held or cuddled. It seems strange that a baby would not want to be held, but she definitely pushed away from me more than she ever leaned into me. She seemed to grudgingly accept that she had to be held, though she wanted out of my arms whenever she was awake. Sleeping was a different story. I remember being somewhere kid-friendly with her when she was about 6 months old and trying to register for a class or pay for something. My daughter was trying so hard to escape my arms that the receptionist suggested I put her down so she could crawl. I was like, “She can’t crawl yet!”

14 months: Notice how she tolerates me holding her. She doesn’t put her arms or legs around me or lean close.

It was a mystery to me why she wanted to get away. I mean, what could she do once she escaped? Nothing. For a while I thought I was doing something wrong, and then I just accepted that was her personality.

Fast forward four years and imagine my surprise—again!—when my independent, no-hugs, no-kisses child all of a sudden started wrapping her arms around me for fierce hugs, butterfly kisses, and hours of snuggling on my lap. All of a sudden, I have my snuggle bunny!

Just yesterday morning, when I dropped her at Sunday school, she paused before going in and said, “Hug! Kiss!” I gave her a big hug and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and I gave her one on the forehead. Then she whispered, “I love you, Mom.”

4 years: Loves to give hugs now.

Were sweeter words ever spoken? They certainly melted my heart. It makes me wonder, is affection something that’s learned or is it innate? I feel like my child leaned it. She certainly didn’t seem to possess the capacity for it the first three years of her life. What about love? Is that something we learn to feel or are we born loving our parents and close family members? I’m a romance writer, so I think about love just about every day of my life. My characters fall in love. They’re helpless to avoid it because of the strong connection they have with each other. Is that what happened with my daughter and me? Was she destined to fall in love with me or did she love me all along? I loved her from the very beginning, but did I really love her or was I just conditioned to love her because that was the role society gave me as a mother?



Whatever the answers, this phase of my daughter’s life is sweet and to be cherished. I know all too soon, she’ll be too big to hug her mom in public.

Shana Galen, Multitasker Mama

I’m Shana Galen, AKA Multitasker Mama (and aren’t we all?). I’m a wife, mom to a four-year-old daughter I call Baby Galen. My parenting motto is, “Keep moving. Don’t pass out. Don’t throw up.” Or maybe that’s my fitness motto? http://www.shanagalen.com

 

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