What you learn in your 60s

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What you learn in your 60s

So much to do these days to celebrate Baby Boomer milestones, from the Beatles appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show to President Kennedy's assassination. As one millennial, a little hot under the collar, humorously noted in several articles (including here on Boomer Café), right or wrong, it's all about Baby Boomers!

Since the Baby Boomer generation spans 18 years of history (from 1946 to 1964), expect a lot more anniversaries. Furthermore, this year, 2014, is notable in one respect: all boomers, even the youngest ones born in 1964, are passing their 50th year. So now most boomers are facing the second act in their lives.

Pamela Druckerman, an American journalist and the author of "Bringing up Bébé" (a best-selling book on parenting), just wrote a brilliant article about what the forties decade means to her generation (see here). That inspired me to cobble together what you learn in your 60s as I believe it's high time that some misconceptions about Baby Boomers be dispelled.

So here goes.
The biggest transition is realizing that you're the "sandwiched generation". In spite of all the hype about how rebellious Baby Boomers have shaped History, the truth is very different. You find you're not into politics and big events. You are responsible for both your old parents and your children. The parents may not be in their dotage quite yet, but they need assistance. The children, in some cases may be still toddlers (as a result of the fashion for late marriages), but for most of us, they are grown-up but not necessarily into the labor market. Actually, with the onset of the 2008 Big Recession, your kids may be home with you and struggling to find a job. As parents, we are happy to have them around, but it's impossible not to worry about their future.It's wrong to view Baby Boomers as a single, homogeneous generation. For those in their 50s today, there is no direct memory of Vietnam, they were small kids when it happened. Some of them don't even want to think that they belong to the Baby Boomer generation (see this rant by a boomer in his 50s). The others who are older were crushed by the war and their world view was changed forever . War veterans are the ones who know in their heart the real, life-changing burden of war memories. In some ways, a Vietnam veteran is closer to a millenial who has fought in Iraq and Afghanistan than to someone in his own generation. Ditto for other countries like the UK, France or Italy that have been involved in wars overseas. You've finally learned to distinguish the good from the bad and you know the distance between the real world and the ideal one. The distance is big and no one can pull a fast one on you. But beware, don't be too dystopian! There's a trap awaiting you when you get into your 70s: old men (and women of course) often sound condescending as they tell you about a world conspiracy or disaster that will bring down world order as we know it. There may be no "soul mates", you've known there weren't since your 40s, but you can distinguish between your real friends who will help you and those who won't. This is perhaps the most surprising thing: it's still possible to make new friends in your 60s and 70s. As Pamela Druckerman put it, "you find your tribe" (it's something that starts happening in your 40s) and that "tribe" never stops growing. You learn more about yourself, more than you ever thought possible. The last time you learned so much were was back when you were in your late teens and early twenties. That's exhilarating. And frightening. For us writers, that transition to greater self-knowledge is a fantastic fount of inspiration to write novels (indeed, that's what inspired Louis Begley with his About Schmidt series or my own "Crimson Clouds"). It's also something that Hollywood and TV series tap into (for example "Breaking Bad" or the Danish series "Borgen"). On a light note: Now you can buy those tight jeans, you've learned to control your weight (about time too!)On a yet lighter note: You see the good side of things more easily than before. You're more optimistic (I know I am!). You've learned to appreciate the simple things in life and honest friendship - perhaps that's because now you trust your judgment, you recognize your true friends, and you know you're not going to live forever.In short, you think less of yourself and more of others, now you know how to be happy! What would you add to this list? Please share your experience!

Photo credit: Baby Boomers haven, ThinkPanama.com

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Cover Wars: Vote for your favorite book cover and don't forget to vote mine, (grin) it's "Crimson Clouds". Check it out here. They all look great (even if I really like mine)!
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