Composting or Cultivating?

Five Ways Business Relationships Turn Sour
A winning workplace relationship doesn’t just “happen” by chance – and neither does an ineffective one. Relationships turn sour or breakdown when we:
Forget to be present
The most common frustration I hear about relationship-building involves multitasking. We are all guilty of it, checking email while we are on the phone, not actively listening during a conversation. These all send the clear message: “You are not important.”
If you want to avoid any possibility of this, switch off the computer screen, turn away from the distractions, or if necessary, signal the fact that you are in the middle of something and schedule time when you can focus. Email can wait, people can’t.
A short message along the lines of

“I can see this is important to you and want to ensure you have my full attention. Right now I have to finish this report / go to a meeting in 5 minutes / reply to this urgent customer email. Please can we meet at 2.00pm?”
This sends a powerful message of commitment to the relationship. Often, instead of taking the lead and signaling our needs, we allow the unexpected interruption, while continuing to think about the work at hand. Nobody wins.
Break commitments
Things will crop up and get in the way of genuine commitments, in which case, pick up the phone, or walk over to the desk, and let the parties know you need an extension, or are no longer able to assist. If you let your coworker down, you could spend months rebuilding trust, all for the lack of a quick conversation.
Fail to apologize, quickly and sincerely
You are going to make mistakes. When you do, step up quickly and apologize sincerely. Ignore the temptation to tell white lies or minimize the impact you’ve had on others. Mistakes can sometimes be an opportunity to turn a relationship around!
Selectively build relationships
If you are focused only on the ‘right’ connections, your style will come across as inauthentic. We’ve worked with many leaders who, when they analyze their 360° relationship map, discover their relationships are skewed in one direction (usually up) and are not representative across the organization. They put a lot of energy in cultivating relationships with those with the right title and seniority, but spend less attention on those elsewhere. Building an effective network requires a 360° perspective, within your industry – and outside of it!
Make conflict personal
Disagreements are to be expected, if not encouraged in a healthy team. Effective conflict increases candor and debate – highlighting potential risks and increasing understanding. When the conflict becomes personal, value is destroyed and learning stops.
Reality check
Not all relationships will start (or finish) as mutually positive (an “Ally” as I describe them in my book). In effecting change in your relationships you should expect the unexpected.
There will be times when things transform quickly; there will also be times that a relationship which seems to be making progress, suddenly takes a step backwards. It is at these times you will need to apply your relationship cultivation skills, and be resilient.
Stay in the game, and if necessary, change your game. There is so much at stake – for you and your team.