How to Say “No” Without Ruining Relationships

There are any number of reasons when you should say “no” to a client or coworker. However knowing you should say “no” and having the courage to do so are very different.
A little advance preparation ensures you are ready to say “no” when the time is right AND retain, if not strengthen, the relationship!
When saying no:


Listen to the request, don’t interrupt.


Be polite, be clear, be concise, don’t feel you have to offer an explanation each time.


Saying “no” does not make you a bad person. Don’t feel guilty!


When and how to say no:


An event you can’t (or don’t want to) attend: “I’m sorry I am not available / I have another commitment.” – if you are too busy then simply say so. Don’t feel obliged to explain, if you do, keep it short and simple. (Over-explaining can raise doubts about your sincerity)


Last minute requests: “I really want to ensure the project receives the care and attention needed.  I can’t do it this week, how about next week?”


Scope creep: “I’m sorry, my concern is that the quality will be impacted if we do x. What if we were to do y?” – explore alternatives


Put on the spot to estimate cost, project status, etc.: “Let me check and get back to you [insert time-frame]. I want to provide you with an informed answer.” Just because you are asked on the spot does not mean you have to reply on the spot, especially to casual or unexpected requests for information or commitments.


A request that isn’t your expertise: “Thank you for asking me, this is not something I specialize in. Have you considered using x?” Use this as an opportunity to strengthen your network by making referrals and recommendations


“Do you have a minute?”: This is the perennial Can I pick your brain? situation. “I have to finish this project in the next hour. Can you come by at 2pm?” Defer, if it’s important they will be back at a time when you can focus on their needs.


“Can we have coffee?”: for many business leaders the free consulting and never ending coffee meetings can distract from the things you should be doing. Try being direct “I am focused on a key project right now, are you interested in becoming a client or did you have a quick question?”


The most important tip in being able to say “no” is to contract for this at the beginning.
When you are starting the relationship or project, don’t be afraid to talk about how you will handle and raise concerns. Most relationships fail when we don’t articulate the rules of engagement. Take a few minutes to agree on how you will work together.
You may just find that saying “no” will strengthen the relationship!