About the Author Q&A (Part One)

How exactly do you write an “About the Author” page?
I wish I knew, honestly. I have tried many different drafts at this point, long and short, attempting to convey in quick, concise detail who I am and what I write. Besides often coming off pretentious and disjointed, each attempt always lacked charisma or appeal. What is the point of explaining yourself unless you can do it justice? What exactly are people interested in knowing anyway?
So I gathered friends and family, and asked them what the...